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02/04/2005: "Getting Grumpy?"

My list of pet peeves keeps getting longer. Is that a bad sign?

I'm not sure whether I'm becoming grumpier in my old age or whether I'm just more aware of it. (Or perhaps there are more grump-inducing people and happenings than there used to be. There's a thought.) Whatever the cause it seems that I am not the easy-going, even-keeled person I used to be.



I want to be a nice person, someone who is calm under pressure and never loses her temper. I want to be accommodating, unflappable, and kind. I just can't always manage it.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot the last few days and I've realized a couple things:
1) That while I would like to learn how not to be upset by the little things, I don't ever want to become desensitized to the world around me. Some things should upset me. I never want there to be a day when seeing a child come to harm doesn't upset me. Or when random acts of hatefulness don't cause fury and dismay. I don't ever want to be that unaffected by the world around me.

And
2)The people who think I’m a grouch are mostly people who don't know me very well and/or people I don’t like. So why beat myself up over their opinion of me?

I guess we all strive to be better people. And that's good. We should. But we need to cut ourselves some slack too. To repeat a quote from another entry "Try. Fail. Try again. Fail better."

So I’m just gonna try to take care of myself and fail better than yesterday.

And today I actually managed it. Where I would normally get really angry and upset, today I merely got amused.

Of course it could be the muscle relaxant I'm taking for my back.

;)

I guess time will tell.