Selena's Blog


Saturday, April 30th

Today's News


It been a rough couple days.

The worst of it was taking one of my cats to the vet and finding out that his recent wobbly gait is due to a neurological problem. Doc says it’s probably a lesion or tumor on his spinal cord. Not a diagnosis you ever want to hear.

The vet gave me the number of a neurologist in case I wanted to have more tests run and "get a clearer picture of what the problem is." He didn't say the neurologist could do anything to reverse or stall the problem. In fact it seems that there isn't anything that can be done.

At least the cat, my beloved Charlie, doesn't seem to be in any pain and is still getting around. Unfortunately that will probably change.

Perhaps I’m too attached to my cats but the whole thing really upsets me. At least I managed to not cry in the vet’s office, much to the relief of the nurse.

How ironic that I was upset but trying not to show it so as not to upset the people around me.

In other, lighter news:

I’ve got three new subs pending. Yippee!

Plus I’ve acquired some new webdesign software. Once I learn to use it maybe I can create my own webpages from scratch instead of relying on a blogging program and it’s templates.

And I’m gonna watch "Enterprise" tonight; I hear it’s gotten good in its last few episodes.

And that's all the news that’s fit to post.



Selena on 04.30.05 @ 09:35 PM EST [link] [No Comments]


Friday, April 29th

Where has all the Ben & Jerry’s gone?


Yesterday I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra, my favorite. (What can I say? It’s been a tough week. Bad dentist appointment, junk food and ice cream - it's a natural progression, right?) However I didn’t get around to the ice cream yesterday. I fed my stress with cheese nachos instead. Yum.

This morning I noticed the empty Ben & Jerry’s container in the trash. What?! Wait a second I didn’t get a single spoonfull of the ice cream that I bought for myself as a treat! That hardly seems fair.

Must have been one of the cats. Sneaky little buggers.





Selena on 04.29.05 @ 09:29 AM EST [link] [No Comments]


Thursday, April 28th

Used to Be (Reprise)/Three Quotes


Today my dad handed me a program from a play I starred in ages ago.

I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something.

Also in my mind today are these quotes:

First, from Firefly:

“No power in the ‘verse can stop me.”

I always loved that line. It feels so empowering and hopeful to say it.

Sometimes I think though that there is a power in the ‘verse that can stop me, and it’s me.

Why do we so often get in our own way? Or it is just me?

Perhaps not since Pink wrote a song about it – “Don’t let me get me.”

Also, my nostalgia of late made this Pat Green lyric stand out to me today, from the song “All The Good Things Fade Away:”

“Sure seems shitty to me there has to be such a thing as the good old days.
Someday, somewhere, my hair like my memories will all just fade out to gray.”

It’s been really hard to write lately. But I keep trying. A little bit here, a little bit there.

I guess that last “no” hit me harder than I let on.

Selena on 04.28.05 @ 08:09 PM EST [link] [No Comments]


GH Blah


I haven’t watched a moment of the last two episodes of General Hospital. Based on the live threads and recaps, there was nothing worth watching. I’m not interested in the “who killed AJ?” storyline. The list of suspects is practically as long as the cast list. I still don’t care. Plus I don’t like the new Carly. I’m trying to give her a shot, but she just isn’t Tamara Braun. I kind of feel sorry for her. And where oh where is the always-worth-watching Lorenzo? Currently MIA.

Oh well, think of all the time I’ll save if I stop watching GH.




Selena on 04.28.05 @ 09:12 AM EST [link] [No Comments]


The Me I Used to Be


Every now and then someone says something to me that makes me feel like the young woman I used to be - the one who modeled, acted, sang, traveled cross-country on her own, danced at parties, and for the most part was confident and unafraid. It happened recently when my aunt asked me if I wanted to sing in church since I was there visiting. And strangely, it happened again today.

There is a sad sweetness to such moments. Sweet - because it’s flattering that some people can still see that person in me. And sad because I know that's not me, that I’ve become old, stage-shy, moody, and anxious. And because I know I’ll never be that young woman again.


Selena on 04.28.05 @ 12:18 AM EST [link] [No Comments]


Monday, April 25th

Firefly


I finally got my Firefly DVDs back (from the person I loaned them to) and so I’m watching the series again from start to finish for something like the fourth time.

This show is so good! I still find it unbelievable that I didn’t watch a single episode of it while it was on television. I blame the marketing people for that. Hello, I’m the target audience, I love the show and would have watched it. But I only vaguely remember seeing an ad for it, and even then I remember thinking “a science fiction western…I don’t think so.”

Here’s the theme from the opening credits:

Take my love.
Take my land.
Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care, I'm still free.
You can't take the sky from me.

Take me out
to the black.
Tell 'em I ain't comin' back.
Burn the land and boil the sea.
You can't take the sky from me.

Have no place I can be
Since I found Serenity.
But you can't take the sky from me.
-by Joss Whedon

Here’s a link to a Firefly website
http://www.scifispace.com/html/firefly.php


I can hardly wait for the movie to come out in the fall.

I hope this show will finally get the success it deserves.





Selena on 04.25.05 @ 10:09 PM EST [link] [No Comments]


Saturday, April 23rd

I'd rather be writing


I need a button or T-shirt or something that says

"I'd rather be writing."

There are just so many times/situations where that quote would be appropriate.



Selena on 04.23.05 @ 09:24 PM EST [link] [No Comments]


Being Julia


Watched “Being Julia” last night. It was really good and Annette Bening is brilliant in it.

Selena on 04.23.05 @ 09:00 AM EST [link] [No Comments]


New Haircut


I finally got my hair cut. (Just a trim, mind you, but man it needed it.) So for a day or two, my hair will look good, freshly salon-styled. Once I have to wash and style it myself, all bets are off. I’m hair-impaired, you see. Or perhaps I’m just not willing to expend the required time and energy. Either way, it’s nice to be briefly stylish, expect that I hardly recognize myself in the mirror. Who is that chick with the smooth, perfectly-coiffed hair? No one I know.



Selena on 04.23.05 @ 08:56 AM EST [link] [No Comments]


Thursday, April 21st

Quote of the Day


“Many people want to serve God, but only as advisors.”
-seen on a sign in front of a church


Selena on 04.21.05 @ 09:49 PM EST [link] [No Comments]


Crying, Cranky Kids


I love how as a kid you don’t need a valid reason to cry or be cranky. You are allowed to express how you feel even if it doesn’t make sense. I kind of miss that freedom. As adults, we’re expected to a) not get emotional most of the time, or at least b) have a darn good reason for it when we do.

This morning I sat behind a boy and his mother. He was distraught and crying and saying something about how he didn’t like the blue and he didn’t like the orange, and so on and so on. He wasn’t making any sense. I couldn’t discern what the colors had done to upset him so. But it didn’t matter. He was upset with such earnestness and honesty that I started getting misty-eyed myself.

His mother didn’t require him to make sense. She didn’t tell him he was being ridiculous or that he shouldn’t be so upset. Instead she was unfailingly calm and reassuring. It worked. Soon his tears were fading and a smile was sneaking into his face.

It was such a heart-warming scene that it stuck with me all day.


Selena on 04.21.05 @ 09:46 PM EST [link] [No Comments]


Wednesday, April 20th

Reading Right Now: Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood


I am simultaneously intimidated by and jealous of the brilliance of Margaret Atwood’s writing.

But I read somewhere that writers should feed themselves with good books. So maybe I read Atwood partly because I enjoy it and partly because I hope her talent will rub off on me somehow.

Atwood’s prose always feels like poetry to me. And I love how the world of Oryx and Crate reveals itself slowly like a beautiful woman shedding veil after veil. It doesn’t feel tedious; I don’t feel impatient. Instead it’s sensuous somehow, a leisurely getting-to-know-you. It reminds me of that scene in “The Scarlet Pimpernel” where Percy tells his newfound love, “you must tell me all about yourself, but slowly, ever so slowly, so that it will take a very, very long time.”

I also like how the main character in the book is Snowman, not Oryx, not Crake. (Or at least not yet and/or not in my view.) Maybe it’s like Othello where the main character isn’t so much the title character as it is a “secondary” character (Iago) or perhaps Iago’s obsession with Othello. Maybe Oryx and Crate isn’t about Oryx and Crate so much as it is about Snowman and his obsession with Oryx and Crate, his ideas about them, his feelings about them, his stories about them.

Maybe that’s why I like Snowman - he’s a word person surrounded by numbers people. He makes up stories. He spins creation myths for his supper. I especially like that the Children of Crake ate up all the words before the Children of Oryx (the animals) were born.

Selena on 04.20.05 @ 11:46 AM EST [link] [No Comments]




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