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August 30, 2005
Gratitude and the Biloxi Blues
I need two mood emoticons today because I am happy and grateful but also anxious and sad.
First, the good. All of the kin I had in Katrina’s path are fine. All of them. Their homes? Well that is still unknown. But the people are all safe and sound, and that’s what matters.
It reminds me of the time when a tornado flattened the town where most of my immediate family live yet somehow, miraculously, left all of my loved ones alone. Scared them pretty bad but otherwise did them no harm, not even significant damage to their homes. Houses literally one block away from both my mom’s and my dad’s were flattened or simply gone. Yet no harm came to my family.
I was so grateful that for months afterward whenever I started to complain about something I would stop myself and say “You know what? I’ve got no right to complain about anything because that tornado spared my entire family!" I had experienced a stroke of incredible good luck (or grace) and so whatever bad luck or hardship the universe felt compelled to send me after that I was going to take without complaint.
I still feel that way. Just thinking about the whole thing moves me to tears, even years later. And again, I know in a solid, unshakeable way that I am profoundly blessed and have really no call to complain about anything.
The flip side is that I am anxious and sad for a friend and her family.
I have a friend who for the past two days has been trying to reach an elderly aunt who lives in Biloxi. The last they heard was pre-Katrina and it was that the aunt wasn’t going to evacuate.
It looks like the news is bad from Biloxi. And it’s hard to imagine that an elderly woman alone in her home there would make it through. But you never know. At this point I think they’d be glad to hear any news.
I wish I knew someone in Biloxi who could cruise by her place and at least see if it’s still standing. I wish a lot of things. Mostly I wish for my friend to hear from her aunt and know that all is well.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all who are dealing with the destruction Katrina wrought.
Posted by Selena at 09:56 PM | Comments (0)
August 28, 2005
Good Reading-Fiction Edition
Today's good reading is from Verbsap.
The story is "Reinventing Simon" and it's by Sandy Robinson.
http://www.verbsap.com/2005aug/robinson.html
Great story.
The downside is that now I can't send Verbsap that story I was thinking of sending them. It's just not good enough, can't possibly measure up to "Reinventing Simon."
Also I love this bit from Robinson's bio: "She shares her home with 25 rescued cats." Wow, that's a lot of cats! And I love cats, I've got three myself. But 25? That's a heaping lot of cats.
Posted by Selena at 08:02 PM | Comments (0)
Doubt Makes You Happy?
I’m reading Easier Than You Think by Richard Carlson. (It’s about small changes you can make in your life that add up to a big, positive return on your investment.)
I was surprised to read this bit of advice: “Plant a seed of doubt."
Doubt always seemed to me to be a negative thing. I assumed that people would be happier without doubt.
But Carlson makes a compelling argument. He points out that when we allow for a shade of doubt in what we “know" then we leave ourselves open-minded, able to see that there are two sides to every issue. It reminds us that we don’t know everything and that there is a possibility we are wrong, or at least not 100% right about everything.
It’s easy to see how that would lead you to be a happier person, plus someone who is easier to be around and in a better position to build bridges instead of walls.
Now that’s good advice. Strange and unexpected, but good.
Posted by Selena at 03:46 PM | Comments (0)
Better Day
See, it’s already a better day.
I just need to follow the sign on my computer that says “Just write. You’ll feel better."
Works every time.
A few days ago I did some free writing and came up with the beginnings of an idea for a story. Today as I was typing it into my computer, I realized the world and the story are big enough for a book. So I’m thinking of trying it for NaNoWriMo.
I’ve got a lot of background writing to do before then though – world-building, outline, character sketches. I don’t even have any characters yet! That’s bad. But there’s time.
Right now it’s just a rough idea for a world and a series of events, both current and ancient. It’s about what happens when you realize your history isn’t what you thought it was, when a society finds out its creation myths - its ways of thinking about itself and its world - are wrong. It’s also about adapting to a changing environment.
We’ll see how it goes. But for today, it’s got me inspired and entertained. And that’s good.
Posted by Selena at 11:29 AM | Comments (0)
August 27, 2005
Example of How Far Gone I am Today
So, here's a perfect example of how out of it I am today:
I was just on the phone with my Aunt Martha talking to her on my cell phone. I wanted to know what time it was so I started looking around the table for my cell phone to check the time.
It was nearly a full minute before I remembered that the reason I couldn't find the phone was that I had it against my head talking on it.
Grrr.
I better just call it a day and go to bed before I cause any real problems
Posted by Selena at 09:26 PM | Comments (0)
Some Days
Some days are more of a struggle than others. Today has been one of the struggle days.
I don’t know what my problem is.
There’s a John Mayer lyric something about “I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me so I can say this is the way I used to be."
But strangely it’s Matchbox Twenty’s “3 a.m." that’s ringing in my head right now.
Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s any number of things. Maybe I’m just tired. Whatever it is I can’t seem to get much of anything done today.
No motivation. No inspiration. I’m bored without the get-up-and-go to do anything.
Lethargy and boredom – a bad combo.
But if I look back on my day with an unencumbered, objective eye I realize I did actually accomplish a little. It only feels like I wasted the day away.
I will do better tomorrow. I will.
Posted by Selena at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)
Having a Chat
I discovered when I logged on this morning that TSR now has a couple chat rooms.
I had to check it out. (I’ve never talked in chat rooms before but I’m making an effort to try new things. So today it was a chat room.)
Chatting with the Chat Bot is sometimes amusing but often frustrating. (The computer’s language skills are painfully lacking in places.) You should try it though. Sometimes it’s hilarious.
Later though I was fortunate enough to catch real people in the chat room and had a nice chat with Bill and Anthony.
I discovered that I can’t type fast enough though, not fast enough to keep up in a chat room anyway. And I kept wanting to go back and fix my typos.
Check out the chat rooms for yourself on the forums page.
Maybe I’ll see you there.
Posted by Selena at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)
August 26, 2005
Today’s Big Risk
I’ve been trying to take two risks a week. Mostly they’ve been writing risks – submitting this there or that somewhere else, trying a form I’m less sure of, that sort of thing.
(Those seem like worthier risks than say walking alone late at night in a rough section of town. If I’m going to take a risk I want at least the possibility that something good will come of it. The adrenaline rush isn’t prize enough for me.)
Today’s risk is so big it counts for both of this week’s and next week’s too.
Today’s big risk was sending a proposal packet to a potential publisher re: my book. I’ve got a good feeling about it. But then I had a good feeling last time and publisher #1 said no. So, we’ll see what happens.
Either way, it’s an accomplishment. I feel proud and happy about that.
But I know that now comes the part I’m so lousy at – the waiting, the letting go, the trying not to obsess. Uggh.
At least I have a new project to occupy my time. I’m working on something for TSR’s contest. Will it be good? Maybe. Will it be fun to work on? So far it has been and it’s a safe bet that it will continue to be.
So I’m savoring the moment then I’m moving on.
Posted by Selena at 06:15 PM | Comments (0)
Good Reading-Super-Short Fiction Edition
I am loving the Flashshots!
Today's is another good story by TSR member Terry Weide. It's called "End of the Rainbow."
Check it out at http://flashshot.tripod.com/secret.htm
Posted by Selena at 11:50 AM | Comments (0)
August 24, 2005
Story Away
Ah, the bliss of just having sent a story off...
Feels great.
I currently have four subs pending. Not the most ever. Not the least ever (which would be zero of course).
But it's good to always have something out there pending, something that might end in a yes.
I call that "living in hope."
Posted by Selena at 08:28 PM | Comments (0)
August 23, 2005
Column's Up
BTW, my latest column is up.
Click here to check it out.
Posted by Selena at 09:02 PM | Comments (0)
Good Reading-Super-Short Fiction Edition
I got a good story in my email today. (That's because I subscribe to Flashshots which Terry Weide at TSR turned me on to. See Brags discussion board, Lightning Flash Contest thread)
The story is called "The Merchant of Vanish" and it's by Barry Ergang. It's the August 24th edition.
Right now, you can see it here
but it looks like they only keep the last 10 issues on the website.
If you hurry, you can catch Terry's story there at the bottom of the page. It's "Who's Your Daddy?" from August 4th. Also, some good reading.
Posted by Selena at 07:52 PM | Comments (0)
August 21, 2005
A Good Writing Day
It was a good writing day. I got a lot done and have spent five plus hours on writing already today.
A couple hours ago I begrudgingly sat down to do the thirty minutes of writing practice I’ve been meaning to do for weeks. I pulled A Writer’s Book of Days from the shelf and chose a prompt.
That prompt brought forth a story that flowed so effortlessly and urgently that I couldn’t stop when the thirty minutes were up. I even had to turn down the heat on the stove so my dinner didn’t burn while I neglected it in favor of the unfolding story.
One hour later the first draft, in long hand, was done. But I couldn’t let it go yet. Instead I spent the next hour typing it into my computer so I could proof and edit it tomorrow on my pda while I’m heading back and forth to work.
The story is about magic gone wrong, but the experience of writing it has so far been magic gone right. Seriously the story sprang to life so fully-formed that I have to fight the urge to submit it somewhere right away, tonight!
Instead I’m going to do the sensible thing and look at it again tomorrow. At the very least there are probably some dreadful typos I missed. (There were several in the hand-written first draft.) Still, this story will probably demand to be submitted somewhere by the end of the week.
Sometimes, rarely, writing happens like this for me. I’m in the zone. The planets are in alignment. The muse just shoves me out of the way and takes over. Who knows exactly what it is that happens?
All I know is that it feels fantastic and I’m grateful when it happens.
Posted by Selena at 07:54 PM | Comments (0)
Today’s (Writing) Tally
I finished drafting the chapter-by-chapter synopsis for my book proposal. I really started feeling the momentum towards the end. It seems that I always forget how good the book is and how it gets better and better the further in you get. At least it does for me. We’ll see if anyone else agrees.
I hope to have the proposal packet off to the next potential publisher by the end of October so I can turn my attention to NaNoWriMo. I first learned about National Novel Writing Month last year but I was already working on my first novel and didn’t want to set it aside to start a new one. Maybe this year though. It sounds like so much fun.
Also on my writing agenda…
I’m thinking about writing a short play or two about creation. I have a friend who is putting together a project and looking for such things. I’ve only written one play before, in a playwriting class in college, and I don’t like writing plays as much as short stories and novels and such. Playwriting is too collaborative for me I think. You write the thing but then this whole other bunch of people mucks around with it and makes their own art out of it. I’m not sure I like that.
Still, I’m considering it because an idea keeps hounding me. It seems like it will just keep jumping up and down and yelling at me until I finally get it down on paper.
I guess I better refresh my memory about playwriting format first though.
And that’s what’s on deck for today.
Posted by Selena at 11:46 AM | Comments (0)
False Gods
It seems the theme of the weekend is false gods. First there was this week’s “Stargate SG-1," then a column at TSR about how to tell a real god from a false one.
In “Stargate SG-1" the new enemy is the Ori who profess to be gods and demand to be worshipped. Their acolytes are combing the galaxy proselytizing. In the episode, the people on a planet refuse to worship the new “gods," having just recently rid themselves of another set of false gods. The acolyte destroys the people and their entire planet.
My response? Well, to me nothing says false god like slaughtering everyone who won’t worship you. That to me always sounds like a false god or at least an acolyte who has seriously misunderstood their gods’ intention.
I think you can determine what is/is not the true God or His will by the effect. If the effect is hateful, destructive, and petty, then I’d be suspicious and tend to think it’s not true-god material. If the effect is loving, creative, and healing then that sounds like the God I believe in.
True, a lot of destructive, hateful stuff gets done in God’s name. Frankly I think it must really upset Him. I think that stuff is acolytes gone wrong.
Posted by Selena at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)
Self Censorship
There is a post-it on my computer that says “HINAIAV." It stands for “Honesty is not appropriate in all venues." I put it there because nine times out of ten when I get in trouble it’s for being too honest, for expressing my opinion when I shouldn’t have, or sharing information too widely. (Hey, I can keep a secret but you gotta tell me it’s a secret first!)
I was reminded of “HINAIAV" this morning when I started to post a reply to something online. I wrote it but then only posted the smallest portion of it because the situation felt so much like another time I said too much, was misunderstood and inadvertently started some online controversy. Uggh. I couldn’t bear for that to happen again. So I censored most of what I had to say.
I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I just know it seemed the thing to do at the time.
Posted by Selena at 11:12 AM | Comments (0)
August 20, 2005
OCW Enabler
For my birthday, my husband got me a wireless card for my pda.
So now I can check my email and the web from any place with a wireless network.
I think that’s great but it’s probably not good for keeping my OCW under control.
(OCW stands for Obsessive Checking of the Web, in case you didn't know.)
We’ll see how it goes.
Posted by Selena at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)
Quote of the Day
“There is no set of circumstances that cannot be turned about by ordinary human beings and their natural capacity for love of the deepest sort."
- Desmond Tutu, in Easier Than You Think: Because Life Doesn't have To Be So Hard by Richard Carlson
Posted by Selena at 08:47 AM | Comments (0)
August 19, 2005
RRN: Easier Than You Think
Reading Right Now:
Easier Than You Think: Because Life Doesn't have To Be So Hard by Richard Carlson
It’s about “the small changes that add up to a world of difference."
I like the idea that small changes can add up to something major.
Favorite quote so far:
“Just as a check is worthless without your signature, your thoughts cannot harm you without your consent." (p. 17.)
Hmmm.
Posted by Selena at 09:26 PM | Comments (0)
August 18, 2005
Quote of the Day
“The chorus girl hasn’t learned the lines you’d like to hear."
- from “Evita"
‘Nuff said.
Posted by Selena at 09:16 PM | Comments (0)
Evita Returns
I just got a CD of the Broadway musical “Evita." I love this show but I haven’t listened to the soundtrack in probably ten years, since long before there were CDs, and I haven’t seen the show in at least fifteen.
I’m listening to CD right now and I’ve made a somewhat disturbing discovery – I still know all the words and can still sing all the parts from start to finish.
Is that a little weird?
Maybe, but so what, I’m having a great time
Posted by Selena at 07:48 PM | Comments (0)
August 17, 2005
It’s 2 a.m. I must be anxious
It’s 2 a.m. and I can’t sleep. Haven’t been able to turn off the worry machine in my head.
So I’m gonna surf a while, sip some chamomile and see what happens.
Posted by Selena at 02:18 AM | Comments (0)
August 16, 2005
Another Odd Dream
Last night I had a bad dream, something dreadful about people being murdered and stashed in corners and closets around the house. But at some point – either in the dream or when I woke up briefly from the dream – I realized that I had the power to turn it around, to turn things toward the good instead, and that’s what I did. The dream ended in that happier, gentler “reality."
I have to remember that, both in my dreams and more importantly in my waking life, I have the power to change the way things are going.
Posted by Selena at 10:01 PM | Comments (0)
Good Reading-Blog Edition
I enjoyed this story in MSReynold’s Blog so much, I’ve got to link to it.
Click here to go straight to the story.
I guess Melinda’s new neighbors have watched “My Blue Heaven" one too many times.
Still laughing...
Posted by Selena at 07:36 PM | Comments (0)
Finicky Muse
So the story I was so excited about writing yesterday? Today I’m not so sure about it. It doesn't seem very good, nothing much happens, it’s just a lot of talk.
We’ll see how I feel about it tomorrow.
Posted by Selena at 07:35 PM | Comments (0)
August 15, 2005
Sneaky Muse
Today a friend asked me if I’d be interested in writing something for a project she’s working on. No, thanks, I said, I’m not interested; it’s not really the kind of thing I write.
But then on the train home, I got so involved in drafting something for her project that I missed my stop.
I guess you never know what’s gonna inspire you.
Posted by Selena at 09:45 PM | Comments (0)
Dreaming about Restaurants
I dream so often about working in a restaurant that I’m starting to wonder what that's about.
I worked in a restaurant for long time - about six years in two stints of about three years each - but it was years ago. I worked in two restaurants before that, but it’s always that last one I dream about.
Just a couple nights ago I dreamed I was working there again, but that they had changed their table numbering scheme and I was having a hard time remembering the numbers of the tables in my section.
Most of my restaurant dreams are like that - I’m working there again but something’s changed or I’ve changed and I just can't handle the job anymore. I’m slow, confused, uncoordinated. I can't keep up. I’m old. I’m not the same young woman I was at the time.
Maybe that’s why I dream about restaurants so much. They represent a time when I was young, sure of myself, independent and just starting out in the adventure of life. Now at nearly-forty, I sometimes long for those younger days. But I guess part of me knows there’s not going back. I guess that why in my dreams it’s never the same as it was.
Sort of reminds me of that new Toby Keith song – “I’m not as good as I once was."
Ain’t that the truth!
However age has its own rewards. A little bit of wisdom and experience is worth a wrinkle here, a wrinkle there. It’s even worth not being able to wait tables like a champ anymore.
Posted by Selena at 09:41 PM | Comments (0)
August 10, 2005
Got to Doc
I finally got around to seeing the doctor about that pain and pressure in my right ear, and as so often happens with me it was like the classic visit to the mechanic where once you take the car in, it’s no longer making that weird noise it was making.
It’s the same with me most times - by the time I get into the doctor’s office whatever it was has resolved itself or gone into hiding so the doctor has to gently say something like “well, clearly you were feeling sick but everything looks fine now, so whatever it was seems to have gone away on its own." I’m just glad she doesn’t say “You are such a hypochondriac, why are wasting my time?"
I’m not a hypochondriac. Really. And this is how I know – I am also prone to ignoring how sick I am and refusing to go to the doctor until I am really, really sick. Like the Flu of 2000 when by the time I got to the doctor’s office, the nurses couldn’t find my pulse. (Seriously. Gotta love that. I was thinking “OK, guys, we know I’ve got a pulse because I got here on my own power, on the bus." Turns out I was so dehydrated that my blood was barely moving around at all. That was also the time I heard this from my doctor, “You’re the sickest person I’ve seen all year." Aw, now, that’s never something you wanna hear from your doctor. Even if it’s true, what good could it possibly do to tell me that?! ‘Cause once I hear that I’m not just really sick, I’m now really freaked out about it too.
Anyway, I’m feeling so much better now that an expert has confirmed that I’m fine.
Posted by Selena at 06:15 PM | Comments (0)
August 09, 2005
Hate the Wait
Have I mentioned that I hate the wait?!?
I've got 9 subs pending.
That might even be a personal record, which is good.
What I'm not good at is the waiting part.
At least a "yes" usually takes longer than a "no." Or so they say.
So maybe someone will say yes.
Uggh.
Must learn to let go. Must learn to let go. Must learn to let go.
My OCW is taking control again. Must log out NOW!
Good night all.
Posted by Selena at 10:01 PM | Comments (0)
Good Reading-Fiction Edition
I just found this story over at Verbsap:
"Coke and Oreos" by Chris Lenton
Maybe it caught my attention because I was craving Oreos earlier today. (Stress makes me crave junk food - both salty and sweet. I didn't get any Oreos today though, just Chex Mix and a cupcake.)
Anyway, I liked Chris Lenton's story.
Favorites lines:
"Around us the noise was urban...The park was illusion, the colors fabricated, the clean air gone."
Something about that felt so poetic and real.
And the whole scene...friendship, love, longing...good stuff.
Posted by Selena at 09:54 PM | Comments (0)
August 07, 2005
Good Reading-Non-Fiction Edition (Religion in Sci Fi)
I just found this article at Alien Skin and wanted to point it out to you:
"A Matter of Faith: Religion in Science Fiction"
by Rob Shelsky
It’s an interesting article.
I agree with Shelsky that religion has a place in science fiction. (One of my favorite writing accomplishments was creating an alien religion for one of my stories. But that’s probably not what he meant. ) Still, my stories do tend to have some religious elements – alien or human. But I don’t think the story should be an excuse for expounding a religious doctrine. Such stories tend to be boring and then you’ve failed on both counts.
Shelsky also talks about the idea that science and religion are incompatible. It’s a prevalent belief but not one I subscribe to. (Shelsky doesn’t say where he stands.) I don’t believe that science and religion are adversaries or that they are mutually exclusive. I believe science is man’s search to better understand God’s creation. I think science proves God’s existence not disproves it. (Stepping down off soap-box now.)
Anyway, the article's worth a look if you're interested in that kind of thing.
Posted by Selena at 11:06 PM | Comments (0)
August 06, 2005
Column's Up
Yippee, my second column is now up at The Sword Review. It'll only be on the main page today probably but you can also see it at
http://www.theswordreview.com/columns.php?sub_id=59
There are even already a couple of posts about it: click here to go to the thread.
Posted by Selena at 04:18 PM | Comments (0)
Struggling with OCW
I’m trying to keep my OCW in check.
That’s obsessive checking of the web.
Checking for responses to my stories, checking for email replies to pending submissions, checking for comments to my blog, checking for new stuff on The Sword Review - I can spend a whole day on the web and hardly realize I’ve done it.
Alright, I’m logging out now. I simply MUST get some work done today.
Don’t worry I know I’ll be back later in the day. I can only stay disconnected for so long. ;)
Posted by Selena at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)
Quote of the Day
“The only thing worse than criticism is disingenuous praise from someone who doesn’t value the kind of work you do."
-me, on why I don’t tell some people about my writing
Posted by Selena at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)
August 04, 2005
And Two More
Also submitted two stories today.
Posted by Selena at 11:52 AM | Comments (0)
Two and Two
This week I’ve had two publications and two rejections.
Such is the writing life.
Actually that’s a really good week in the writing life.
Posted by Selena at 08:43 AM | Comments (0)
August 03, 2005
Second Story’s Up
My second story ("The Choosing") is now published at The Sword Review.
Check it out at http://www.theswordreview.com/item.php?sub_id=140
Thanks.
Posted by Selena at 05:43 PM | Comments (0)
August 01, 2005
Story's Up!
Story's up. Check it out at http://www.theswordreview.com/
It's called "Verid." The second story "The Choosing" is slated to go up on Wednesday.
I'm thrilled.
:Selena doing happy, published dance:
Plus there are already a couple positive responses about the story in TSR's discussion forms. Click here for the thread about "Verid." It's great to get positive feedback. And how cool is it that ALREADY two people have posted good stuff about the story?!
Yee-HAW!
Oh how I love getting published!
Posted by Selena at 06:17 PM | Comments (0)