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December 26, 2005
:Shhh…Selena is Hibernating:
Christmas was lovely but outside of that it has been a difficult time, at least writing-wise.
I am very discouraged with the whole writing thing. Sometimes I think that I am coming out of it, but then it hits me all over again. I hope though that I am slowly walking my way back from being fed up with writing and other writing-related activities.
Even at my most upset I knew I shouldn’t stop writing and break all writing ties just because of a couple disappointments. But that was exactly what I felt like doing. I just wanted to walk away and be done with the whole da** thing. I am glad though that so far I haven’t succumbed to the urge to throw the baby out with the bath water.
Instead I have resolved to keep writing but perhaps write only for myself for a while – i.e. not submit anything, hardly post to my blog, etc. That way I hope to regain my love of writing.
So, if you don't see me around cyberspace and you’re wondering where I am (not that you would necessarily notice or care), know that I am not gone; I am just hibernating. Maybe I’ll see you in the spring. Maybe in the new year. Only God knows.
… Quotes to walk by…
A few meditations from Morning Notes have been much in my mind this last week or so.
This quote helped me realize that I depend on other people too much, rely too heavily on them behaving/reacting in the way I want them to:
"If I don’t need anything from you, I am free to think of you in peace. The moment I want something from another person, my happiness is compromised."
This quote reminded me that God didn’t put other people in the world to meet my needs and expectations:
"No one owes me anything. No one is obliged to meet my needs. People are people. They are not sexual experiences or career support or a series of well-wishers on my daily rounds."
God put all those other people here for His own reasons, reasons that have nothing to do with me.
Plus all these other people have their own concerns, problems, passions and interests. Their lives aren’t about me. And their lives shouldn’t be.
I don’t even know why the whole thing upset me so much. Even in the moment, I knew my reaction was out of proportion. But I still haven’t been able to shake it off.
So I am keeping to myself for a while and reminding myself not to let my happiness depend on what other people do or don’t do. I am focusing on the above quotes as well as these: "What another person does has no fixed meaning. I interpret behavior as I choose. What do I want it to mean? I perceive others through either my moods or my peace."
And this from today's meditation:
“Repeatedly assessing past performance is failure to concentrate on what can be done now. Today, each time I feel even a slight stab of defeat or disappointment, I will be still and remember that God is not mistaken in loving me."
Now, that is a hopeful thought!
Posted by Selena at December 26, 2005 07:40 PM