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March 31, 2007
What People Think
There is so much on my mind today that I don't know where to start or which one to blog about first. So, I guess I'll just pick one at random and go from there.
Topic #1: I have been thinking that I am entirely too concerned with what other people think of me.
Seriously, for the last week or so I have been noticing how much "what will people think" comes into play as I go about my daily life. A case in point: One of my cats has to take antibiotics twice a day for a little while. He is not keen on the idea and struggles like the dickens when I try to give him the medicine. I have to (try to) wrap him in a towel, pin him down with both of my legs while I pry open his mouth with one hand and squirt in the meds with the other. It's a real drama. Before I realized that I should throw on a heavy second layer of clothes before attempting the med-giving, the process resulted in a good many scratches on my legs and arms.
No big deal, right? Except that the next day I had an appointment with the dermatologist for a much overdue skin check. So, instead of being worried that one of my many moles, bumps, etc. may be skin cancer, what I obsessed about was what the doctor would think about all my scratches. How dumb is that? What? Am I afraid he's not going to believe the cat story? Why do I care? Looking back I hate to think of all the energy I spent worrying about a stranger's first impression of me.
As I thought about the topic I remembered how sometimes I won't tell certain people about a story I've had published because I am afraid something in the story will offend them. I'm afraid they will see me differently and not want to be around me anymore.
Occassionaly the censorship begins even before a story is published. Sometimes it prevents me from submitting it at all. Some stories never leave my hands because I am afraid of how people will react, afraid that someone somewhere will be offended or think badly of me.
It even comes into play on my blog. Recently I got a comment from someone at a business I had blogged about. They said they loved my comments about their business, but I was suspicious. After all, I didn't consider my musings about their business to be complimentary. So, I figured they were being sarcastic, that they were really angry and would demand I remove the post. It was a weird conversation because they were actually sincere in their interest and approval of my comments, while I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don’t know why or how I ended up so obsessed with other people's opinions of me, but I'm starting to think it is hampering my growth as a writer and person, and perhaps even damaging my health. (Don't get me started on the most recent tests of my blood pressure! That's a whole 'nother topic.)
Perhaps the most frustrating part is that I don't know how to fix it. How do you stop caring what people think of you? I don't know. (Well, maybe actually posting this is a step in the right direction.) I'm open to ideas and suggestions. Anyone know a good "cure" for my "condition?"
It's not that I want to be completely uncaring. I still agree with the value of reputation. I still want to keep my "good name." I just want to be a little less driven by what other people think of me.
I guess I need to start researching potential "cures." I'm off to Google for internet wisdom on this topic. (Love the Google.)
Posted by Selena at March 31, 2007 08:23 PM