Selena's Blog: Life Archives

March 19, 2010

Suddenly Free

It's funny how quickly things can turn around. Yesterday I was having a bad day, and then suddenly I had exactly what I needed: a couple days off.

I am over the moon! I am hoping to make a big dent in my to-do list, as well as hang out with Sharon and Lily some. (I miss them.)

Two lines from songs keep going through my head:
1) "I guess we're all one phone call from our dreams."
(Of course, it turns out that the actual lyric is "I guess we're all one phone call from our knees." LOL. Either way, the song--"Closer to Love" by Mat Kearney--is now in my iTune shopping cart.)
and
2) "All I want is a couple days off!"
That's "Couple Days Off" by Huey Lewis and the News.

Posted by Selena at 07:17 AM | Comments (0)

January 30, 2010

A Status in Music Videos

I have given up on getting back to good and am now just trying to get closer to fine.

Needless to say, today I am tangled up in blue.

(Sadly, YouTube doesn't have a video of the Indigo Girls performing this song, so I linked to the next best thing: audio of their version with a still photo as the video portion.)

Posted by Selena at 01:35 PM | Comments (0)

January 29, 2010

Making the Money (and the Adjustment)

Right now my life is all about the making of the money. And I'm mostly glad. But I'm also a little sad. I miss so many little things, like:
• being able to run errands and have doctor's appointments on weekday days when most everyone else is at work,
• eating out on weekday days when restaurants tend to be less busy, making the atmosphere quieter and the service often better,
• sleeping through 5:30 am,
• napping after lunch,
• and just generally having the flexibility to make up my day's schedule as I go along.

Ah, those were the days. Those were also the broke days. But still.

Plus, now that I hardly have time for anything but paid-work Monday through Friday, I'm not getting anything else done. Writing, especially, has suffered from the lack of available time. Part of me is too tired to care. But the rest of me laments the loss of creative time.

I realized on this morning's commute that if I want to make any progress on my writing goals, then I'm going to have to sneak more personal-work into my paid-work days. Not into the actual on-duty time, 'cause that's not okay, but into the fringe time: the space between arriving at work and my actual start-time, and my lunch break. I also need to squeeze more work out of my evenings. Problem is that by the time I get home, cook dinner, and eat dinner, I only have another hour or so before my brain starts to shut down for the day. But maybe I can accomplish some low-brain-power tasks in that twilight time.

It's either that or give up altogether.

Posted by Selena at 09:01 PM | Comments (0)

January 16, 2010

"Hold Fast" by Mercy Me

iTunes shuffled up this song and it was just what I needed to hear. So, naturally I went looking for it on YouTube so I could share it.

Posted by Selena at 10:43 AM | Comments (0)

Motivational Posters from Firefly

So many cool Firefly-related videos on YouTube!

Here's one I like, it's Firefly-themed motivational posters. I'd be hard-pressed to pick a favorite but here are a few that would make the short list:
POLITENESS
is no substitute for kindness.
GENEROSITY
Nothin' buys bygones quicker than cash.
FAITH
You don't fix it. It fixes you.
RESPECT
Is earned, not bought and paid for.
DETERMINATION
Keeps you flyin'.

Posted by Selena at 07:43 AM | Comments (0)

January 14, 2010

"Tonight" – Tina Turner and David Bowie

I'm trying to stay positive despite all the bad news. This helps:

I remember seeing an interview of David Bowie where he talks about how delightfully different it is to perform with Tina Turner because, unlike most people who just look past you with dead eyes, she is always right there with you. One of the reasons I love this performance is just that—they seem so connected and "into" each other. They're having such a great time, being together, playing off each other, performing together.

Sing it with me now: "Everything's gonna be alright tonight."

Posted by Selena at 07:14 AM | Comments (0)

January 12, 2010

Sad Times

There has been so much heartache in the last few months that it's hard to stay positive.

Not one, not two, but now three friends have had deaths in their immediate family in just the last four months.

Time for the Grim Reaper to take a vacation and leave my nearest and dearest alone for a while.

Posted by Selena at 12:29 PM | Comments (0)

January 07, 2010

A Cold New Year and Some Music Vids

Dang it's cold!

It's colder than a witch's whatever here in Florida. That's just not right. If I wanted to deal with cold weather, I could have stayed back home in WDC. Being a thousand miles away from friends and family AND having to bundle up to ward off the chill just doesn't seem fair.

On the plus side, hubby found an old box of VHS tapes in the attic, so I'm having a good time watching old music videos.

Here are a couple favorites, courtesy of You Tube:

"I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)" by George Michael and Aretha Franklin. I always find this one uplifting and inspiring.

And this all-time classic: "Simply Irresistible" by Robert Palmer

You gotta love a song with the line: "She's so fine, there's no telling where my money went." LOL.

Posted by Selena at 06:34 PM | Comments (0)

December 25, 2009

Christmas Day

Amid all the gifts of the day, I am trying to honor and celebrate THE gift, the gift of salvation. May God bless you all on this day especially.

Posted by Selena at 06:25 AM | Comments (0)

December 24, 2009

The Christmas Eve Report (and some music videos)

I've been neglecting my blog. Just been too busy with other things.

Anyway, it's Christmas Eve so I spent the day cooking and baking and just generally getting ready for tomorrow.

I like to listen to music while I cook and today it's been mostly Elvis's Christmas CD "Christmas Peace."

Which led me to these two of my favorite music videos:

The Elvis and Celine Dion duet of "If I Can Dream"

and Wynonna's performance of the Mercy Me song "I Can Only Imagine:"

Both are moving and inspirational, but "I Can Only Imagine" is....well, let's just say I have yet to get through the song without crying.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Posted by Selena at 08:38 PM | Comments (0)

September 15, 2009

No More Comments

Sorry, I had to turn off the comments function because I was spending too much time deleting spam comments.

If you want to comment (or contact me) you can do so at my FaceBook page or my ShoutLife page. Thanks.

Posted by Selena at 08:09 AM | Comments (0)

July 30, 2009

Quote of the Day (on conflict resolution)

I found this great quote in an interesting article called "Everything Professor Gates and Sergeant Crowley Needed to Know, I Learned at a Montessori School" by Jehmu Greene:

"A person's ability to solve problems in the midst of a heated situation is directly related to the number of possible solutions he can think of in that moment."

Exactly! I have been saying that for years. I first started thinking about it when I was managing a customer service department. I noticed that the key to dealing with an irate customer is not to let the person's anger trigger your fight-or-flight response.

That's no easy feat. It's a natural response to fell threatened when someone is attacking you. And, yes, yelling and blaming constitutes an attack.

Problem is that the fight-or-flight response is the antithesis of the calm, free-wheeling thinking that is most conducive to problem-solving. Once Fight-or-Flight has been triggered, the brain is limited to binary thinking and just those options: fight or flight. Neither of which is particularly good at resolving conflicts.

Posted by Selena at 09:25 AM | Comments (0)

July 18, 2009

Love Me Some Prince!

This morning I was out running errands and listening to The Coffee House on Sirrius. It's cool, mellow—acoustic versions of popular songs. I normally like it but today they played an acoustic version of Prince's "When Doves Cry" and all I could think was "that just makes me want Prince!" So, when I got home I dialed up some Prince and I've been enjoying it ever since.

"Let's Go Crazy" is probably my favorite. It's so uplifting.

Favorite lyric: "if de-elevator tries 2 bring u down, Go crazy - punch a higher floor"

I gotta remember to do that.

Posted by Selena at 12:10 PM | Comments (0)

July 04, 2009

Interesting Article on the History of July 4th

Interesting article. I love how it echoes the power of words to bring something into being.

The small falsehoods and great truth of the Fourth of July

Posted by Selena at 07:51 AM | Comments (0)

June 26, 2009

"Dogs in the Yard"

The song "Dogs in the Yard" is playing this morning and I can totally relate. "I want to be bad and not even care..." Some days I am so sick of always trying to do the right thing. Like yesterday I got so fed up with trying to eat healthy all the time that I had Taco Bell for dinner and caramel ice cream for dessert. It felt good, but I'm sure I'm going to regret it any second now. In fact, maybe I already regret it. Maybe it was the guilt that ushered in last night's insomnia. Maybe that "walk on the wild side" is why I'm so tired right now.

Posted by Selena at 07:56 AM | Comments (0)

June 23, 2009

Today's Obsessions: Train Crash and Back 2 Good

I can't stop following the news about yesterday's Metro train crash. I'm not sure why this news has affected me so much when there are a great many more deaths and destruction elsewhere in the world. I guess it's because I have a personal connection to this news. I rode the Metro a lot when I lived in the DC area. I even rode the Red Line sometimes. I have been on that stretch of track near the Fort Totten station. Plus, I can't help but wonder if someone I know was on one of those trains. (I really hope not!)

It seems likely that more than one thing had to go wrong for this accident to happen--i.e., BOTH a mechanical malfunction and the operator failing to act to stop or slow the train before impact. It reminds me how critical it is to have the right person in the right place at the right time. The value of training, experience, and presence of mind cannot be overestimated. Think of how that pilot managed to avoid disaster by landing a plane in the Hudson. I don't want to point fingers at the dead operator in this case. (Because, really, IF she was somehow at fault, she has already paid enough for her mistake.) Still, I can't help but wonder if things would have gone differently if she had been better trained, or more experienced, or just paying closer attention.

My other obsession today seems completely random and unrelated. It's the song "Back 2 Good." I keep watching the video over and over. I think it's because lately it seems like I am always trying to "get it back to good."

Posted by Selena at 12:18 PM | Comments (0)

June 08, 2009

Funny Sign of the Day

Today I went into a store that had this sign posted on their front door:
"All unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy."

LOL.

Posted by Selena at 07:50 PM | Comments (0)

June 07, 2009

"It is written..." (Slumdog Millionaire)

I just watched "Slumdog Millionaire" and I finally understand what all the fuss is about. Great movie!

I struggle with the idea of destiny. But if my destiny was to triumph like this kid did, I'd become a fan of destiny in pretty short order.

Here's the trailer to entice you if you haven't already seen the movie.

Posted by Selena at 07:38 PM | Comments (0)

April 14, 2009

What's Been Going On

I haven't been blogging much. I guess messing around on FaceBook has taken up some of my blogging time.

So here's what's been going on...

Easter was good. The pepperoni and mozzarella bread was a big hit. I made three loaves and they were still all gone before dinner. On the other hand, coloring Easter eggs with Lily, who is just shy of her second birthday, probably wasn't the smartest thing I have ever attempted.

I watched "Proof of Life" again recently. (I was so excited when I turned on the TV and caught a glimpse of it. I immediately commanded the DVR to tape it since I had seen the movie before and love it.) I still can't get that last scene and the accompanying song out of my head. Not that I'd want to. Sigh. Who knew a "kidnap and ransom" movie could be so romantic?

I didn't get much done last week—what with Easter and all. But I am trying to get back into it. I got a lot of MindFlights stuff done yesterday. But today I’ve focused on the writing stuff. I worked on and sent off two stories, and have another ready to go tomorrow.

I've been watching a lot of "Studio 60." (Thanks to iTunes and Apple TV.) It has had the effect Aaron Sorkin's work always does on me: it makes me want to do better, be better, achieve more. But it's also making me a little depressed because coupled with the news that two of my favorite shows ("Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" and "Dollhouse") aren’t likely to be back next season, I keep thinking, "Why aren't there any real-life Jordan McDeeres?" I watch "Studio 60" and see Jordan reject a wildly profitable but morally repugnant reality-TV series, while desperately trying to get a smart, well-written series about the United Nations, and I think to myself: "This woman is a total fiction. Nobody like this exists in the television business. And that is why good shows can't make it on broadcast TV." It's so depressing.

Add to that, more disappointing episodes of "Heroes" and a "General Hospital" that I don't even watch anymore unless the gals at Serial Drama say there is something worth tuning in for, and what you get is: me really down on broadcast TV right now.

The bright spot is that YouTube has a bunch of "Studio 60" clips like these two that highlight the relationship between Danny and Jordan:
Part 1 (never mind that the dialogue at the beginning is muted in favor of the music, eventually you can hear what they are saying.)

Part 2

Posted by Selena at 07:18 PM | Comments (2)

April 10, 2009

Nightmares with Hymns?

Last night I had another one of those nightmares where the only defense against the Big Bad is the singing of hymns. Last night it was "Amazing Grace" that saved me.

I guess I don't have to search too far to figure out the meaning of that.

Posted by Selena at 06:52 AM | Comments (0)

March 27, 2009

Art a low priority in tough times? I think not!

I can’t shake the conviction that cutting funding for public art projects is not the way to go, even in tough economic times. I know I should be practical, and I would be willing to reduce funding temporarily in times of crisis, but the idea of art being an expendable luxury item, reserved only for those who can afford it, makes me crazy.

I understand that my perspective is colored by the fact that, as a writer, I am an artist. So, I naturally feel a kinship with artists and want to stand up for them. Plus, I have always been the sort of person who would happily do without the necessities in order to have the luxuries that I just can’t do without.

Anyway, here’s the article that set me off:
Funding Public Art Low Priority In Tough Times

I can’t stop thinking about it.

Posted by Selena at 08:46 AM | Comments (0)

February 27, 2009

Lessons from the Lost Week

When I wrote this yesterday:
"I would be devastated if someone...tried to ban me from writing for life."
I realized that I didn't want to give up on writing no matter how discouraged I am with it right now.

It was one of several lessons life taught me this week.

Lesson #1: The wheel turns. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, but it always turns. So, if I can go from perfectly fine to suddenly-very-sick-with-the-flu in a matter of hours, I should be able to get back on track with writing too.

Lesson #2: All writers do bad work sometimes. Okay, I knew that already. But the review I read yesterday reminded me of it in a dramatic way. And I don't even know that the playwright-in-question's work was actually bad, just that one reviewer hated it. I do know that the reviewer wrote and published some words he shouldn't have. We all make mistakes. If Big Successful Writers like those two guys can mess up, then maybe there is hope for me after all.

Lesson #3: Perseverance is key. Again, I kind of knew this but I'd forgotten it somehow. So, when I saw this quote on a friend's Facebook page, it really hit home:
Tiruvalluvar's Kural 611: "Never say in weakness, 'This task is too difficult.' Perseverance will confer the ability to accomplish it."
Which brings me to...

Lesson #4: Perseverance is linked to religious faith. Really. My laptop's dictionary informs me that perseverance has these two alternate definitions that I'd never heard of: Calvinist concept of divine grace, and Roman Catholic belief in God's grace. Huh. When I read the Facebook quote I thought: "hey that's great but where can I buy some perseverance, 'cause I am all out." And now my dictionary is telling me I don't have to buy perseverance, that I can just ask God for it. Admittedly, I should have known that already. I guess sometimes I just need to be told that kind of thing directly.

Losing a week to the flu isn't so bad if the trade-off is learning some vital life-lessons.

Actually there is probably a Lesson #5 in there. Something about tough times usually including a gift for us—some lesson we need. That helps make the tough times easier to bear.

Posted by Selena at 12:25 PM | Comments (0)

February 22, 2009

Suddenly Sick

Oh, how fast the wheel can turn!

This morning I was fine. By 3:30pm I was starting to feel sick. By 6pm, my fever was at 101.2.

Feels like the flu. Bummer. Hardly seems fair.

I just hope it goes away as quickly.

Posted by Selena at 07:56 PM | Comments (0)

February 21, 2009

Giving Up

I feel like giving up.

So, I searched online for quotes about giving up. Funny how all the quotes I found were about not giving up.

Here are a few of my favorites:

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up."
- Thomas Alva Edison

"Energy and persistence conquer all things."
-  Benjamin Franklin

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."
- Confucius

Posted by Selena at 07:54 PM | Comments (0)

January 30, 2009

Personality Test

I found this over at the Ray Gun Revival forums. The deal is to put your iTunes on shuffle then use the first song to answer the first question, the second to answer the second, and so on. It's amazing how well that works.

Thanks, RGR, for a fun and enlightening way to start my day.

IF SOMEONE SAYS, “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Senorita, Los Lonely Boys

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
More Than Love, Los Lonely Boy
(weird that shuffle grouped two LLB songs back to back. Hmmm)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Apple Tree, Erykah Badu
(What does that mean?! I'm just leaving that one alone.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
The Long Day is Over, Norah Jones

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Higher Love, Steve Winwood

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Whenever You're Away From Me, Olivia Newton-John

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
The Light of Love, Rick Springfield

WHAT IS 2+2?
All By Myself, Celine Dion

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Speak to the Sky, Rick Springfield

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Free, Rick Springfield

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Wanna Be Your Lover, Prince

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Livin' La Vida Loca, Ricky Martin

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sailing, Christopher Cross

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Legend in My Living Room, Annie Lennox
(LOL)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Poetry, Pat Green

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Language or the Kiss, Indigo Girls
(oh, wow, that is SO right on!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Wildwood Flower, Reese Witherspoon (from the movie Walk the Line)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Strange Fire, Indigo Girls

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Silent Legacy, Melissa Etheridge
(And isn't that the worst thing imaginable for most writers?)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Winter Wonderland, Harry Connick, Jr.
(I always knew I would freeze to death in the end.)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
You Have Been Loved, George Michael

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Make You Happy, Celine Dion

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
If the World Crashes Down, Enrique Iglesias

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Long Way Around, Dixie Chicks

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Turn Back, O Man, by Stephen Schwartz, from Godspell

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Out Here on My Own (Instrumental), by Michael Gore, from the movie Fame

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Abide With Me, Amy Grant

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
It is No Secret (What God Can Do), Elvis Presley

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Beautiful Music, Amy Grant

Posted by Selena at 08:21 AM | Comments (0)

January 29, 2009

My Life as a Contrarian

If I ever write an autobiography, that will likely be its title: My Life as a Contrarian

I don't mind my contrary personality most of the time. Most of the time, I consider the ability to see a contrary point of view to be an asset. And I don't even mind that mine is nearly always a minority opinion. I've been in one minority or another most of my life: white chick in a predominately black school; drama major in a whole string of comp sci classes; native Washingtonian city-girl in suburban Florida. But even a contrarian like me longs to fit in sometimes.

While I appreciate the value of being around people who are different from me, it's hard when everyone I come into contact with is so different from me. It's like going through the day faced with one "You're wrong" sign after another. At some point I want someone to either agree with me or, at least, accept me for who I am—differences and all.

At times like these I really miss being around like-minded people. I miss home.

Posted by Selena at 07:13 PM | Comments (0)

Rules, Rules, Rules

Yesterday, I told someone that "I am not a rule-oriented person."

But as I continued to think about it, I realized that it's not all rules I object to. For instance, I always follow medication instructions to the letter. Even with over-the-counter stuff, I read and follow the rules.

And I don't have any problem with safety rules like "no kids around the pool unattended" or "no swimming during a lightning storm." Those rules seem sensible to me; I don't mind following them or demanding that other people follow them in my presence.

I don't even mind "come to a full stop before turning right on red." Although, I notice a good number of people who don't believe in following that particular rule.

It's the unnecessary, unhelpful rules that make me crazy. Like when organizations censor people's speech before they even know what folks are going to say. Or limit the topics of discussion for fear that someone will say something that someone else doesn't like or agree with. I can see where they're coming from—a desire to focus on unity by banishing any hint of disagreement—but I do a lot better in an environment of openness, compassion, and trust. I'm pretty accepting of people who disagree with me. I just wish the reverse were true.

Posted by Selena at 07:07 PM | Comments (0)

January 28, 2009

"When wilt thou save the people?"

It's been a bad day.

So the song that keeps running through my head is "Save the People" from the musical Godspell. Here is a sample lyric:

"When wilt thou save the people?
Oh God of mercy when?
The people, Lord, the people,
Not thrones and crowns, but men!
God save the people, for thine they are,
Thy children as thy angels fair.
God save the people from despair."

Posted by Selena at 02:17 PM | Comments (0)

December 29, 2008

Insomnia Won't Leave Me Alone

It's been several days now. I get tired and sleepy, I go to bed about ten-ish, but as soon as I turn out the light I'm no longer sleepy. I lay awake—all agitated and stressed and exhausted—until sometime after midnight when I finally fall asleep. (And then I usually wake up again at least twice before morning.) It's making me crazy.

I can't even nap during the day. Saturday I was so exhausted from not sleeping the night before that twice I lay down to take a nap and twice sleep eluded me.

I guess it's a good thing that I don't usually have to wake up at a set time in the morning. 'Cause these days I can barely drag myself out of bed by 8 a.m. I hate that because it always makes me feel like I am starting my day way behind.

Posted by Selena at 08:52 AM | Comments (0)

December 26, 2008

Home Again, Home

I've been too busy to blog. But I'm finally "back in action," so here's what's been going on.

I spent most of December in my beloved hometown Washington, DC, visiting family and friends and the local sites that I miss the most.

I arrived at National to the feel of cold air and the tempting smell of Five Guys. (It's a miracle I managed to get out of the airport without a little cheeseburger and a bag of fries.)

My trip to DC was just one highlight after another. Besides visiting loved ones, I made time for ....

Breakfast at La Madeleine. Yum. An egg, bacon, and cheese on croissant so delicious that I have blogged about it before. This time the croissant was a little soggy and falling apart. In the past, it seems that the cook took the extra step of lightly toasting the croissant so it can hold up to the weight of the eggs and such. But not this time. I guess the cook was a little off his game, maybe due to the holidays looming. Still, it was very, very delish and you can't beat La Mad for awesome ambience. (And free wireless internet!).

The Nutcracker at the Kennedy Center. How's that for a traditional holiday outing?! It was a very well done production. But I had missed dinner, so by the second act all I could think about was how hungry I was. Bummer.

Two lunches with friends:
one at Mike's in Springfield because our traditional spot, Bennigan's, was no more and thus we had to choose a new place.

and one at an Indian place on Capitol Hill, which just reminded me why I like the other Indian place better. Both have great food, but one has snooty, annoyed service and the other has friendly service. It's worth a little longer walk from the Metro to not have the waiter give me a hard time about not ordering an entrée. I like to order samosas (an appetizer), onion kulcha (bread) and raita (a yogurt and cucumber dip). But that's never enough for this place. So annoying. Next time, I'm going to the nice Indian place.

Kicking around the National Harbor with Mom. So cool. The shops and fancy hotels were impressive (although lunch at one of the fancy restaurants was disappointing.). The coolest part was visiting my favorite sculpture in its new location. Here are some of the pictures I took of The Awakening. The sculpture is too big to get into one frame at street level.

And...
Taking the Metro and walking around DC, stopping by my favorite familiar places like the Lansburgh, Penn Quarter, Teaism, and Eastern Market. I even dropped in on the new theatre in the neighborhood: Sidney Harman Hall. It's gorgeous.

All in all it was a wonderful trip. And as usual I was torn about leaving. It's tough to have a hometown in one place and a home in another. It's like I'm always leaving home to go home, and vice versa. But I got home in time for Christmas, and I guess that was the point. So, now I'm sitting in my perfect house, looking out at the amazing view, and waiting for Granddaughter Lily to come over for a visit. Which reminds me, here are a couple of my favorite recent pictures of Lily:

So cute.

Here's hoping all my loved ones near and far have happy holidays and a happy new year.

Posted by Selena at 12:46 PM | Comments (0)

November 28, 2008

Watching "The West Wing"

Hubby and I have started watching "The West Wing" again from the beginning. (We own the first few seasons on DVD.) It's one of our favorite shows and certainly stands up to repeated viewings. (I've watched my favorite episode, "Two Cathedrals" many, many times. I even blogged about it.)

I enjoy the show, but I've noticed an odd side effect: watching "The West Wing" makes me feel like I need to do better. Seriously, not only does the extremely high quality of Aaron Sorkin's writing remind me what a total hack I am in comparison. But watching President Bartlett and his staff go about their days makes me feel like a stupid slacker who really ought to get off my lazy butt and do something important with my life.

The show inspires me to step up my game and do something worthwhile.

As President Bartlett says in one episode: "Break's over."

Posted by Selena at 11:05 PM | Comments (0)

November 13, 2008

Failing NaNo

Between being sick and my mother's visit and various family dramas, I am failing miserably at NaNo this year.

The month is almost half over and my word count is a paltry 1816.

That puts me about TWENTY THOUSAND words behind where I should be right now!

It's enough to make a girl want to give up.

Posted by Selena at 07:12 PM | Comments (0)

November 03, 2008

Too Sick to NaNo

I’ve been sick for the last few days with a bad cold. Which means it’s day three of NaNo already and I have logged a grand total of 106 words. So sad.

That puts me about 5,000 words behind where I should be right now.

I guess I better quit blogging about it and get to work on closing the gap.

Posted by Selena at 01:35 PM | Comments (0)

October 23, 2008

First Rule of Flying

I happened on this at YouTube. It's one of my favorite Firefly/Serenity scenes. I even blogged about it once.

In this scene, Mal explains that the first rule of flying is love:
"You can learn all the math in the ‘verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don’t have love, she’ll shake you off just as sure as a turn in the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down. Tells you she’s hurtin’ before she keens. Makes her home…"

Posted by Selena at 09:05 AM | Comments (0)

October 11, 2008

In a Cooking Mood

I am in a cooking mood. (It rarely happens, so I tend to run with it with it does.)

For dinner I've got Barbecued Cocktail Meatballs cooking in the crockpot. (I'll have them with some egg noodles. Yum.)

And for lunch, I finally got the nerve to try to make that Spanish Omelet recipe I've had for ages. (Which reminds me that I can never spell omelet correctly the first time. Uggh.)

I was going to make this turkey apple panini that I just found a recipe for. It reminded me of the delicious Edgar Allan Poe sandwich I used to get at the Footnotes café at Olsson's back home. (What?! Huh? Olsson's is closed now. I just learned that from their website. Bummer.) I was really looking forward to that sandwich, but I forgot to get green apples at the store. What a let-down! Ah well, another day for the panini then.

Huh. I wonder if my love of food has something to do with why it's so hard for me to lose weight. ;) Guess I better get on the treadmill and work some of it off.

Posted by Selena at 12:59 PM | Comments (0)

October 02, 2008

RRN: "Steering by Starlight"

Reading Right Now: "Steering by Starlight" by Martha Beck

Actually, I'm not so much "reading [it] right now" as I have just finished it and am going back through to re-read my favorite parts.

This book is so good that it made me want to read everything Martha Beck has ever written. Even before I started the book, I was a fan of Beck's from her columns in Oprah magazine. Now, I love her even more.

I knew the book was affecting me when I caught myself assessing the "shackles off or shackles on" feeling of various moments and situations. And again when I started recognizing the ravings of my inner lizard—that fearful, panicked part of my brain that is always alerting me to potential "lack and attack." (Otherwise known as the amygdala, the fear center of the brain.)

One of the most fascinating parts of the book, for me, was reading about "shaman sickness" (pages 154-159). I have to admit though that I was a little weirded out by how closely I fit the profile of a shaman (or potential shaman). Seriously, the only thing I'm missing is a miserable childhood. I read the list of characteristics usually shared by shamans, contrarians, and medicine people, and my inner lizard started screaming, "Oh, no, you don't! Don't be looking at me like that. I know you are NOT looking at me."

I like this book so much I'm going to have to update my Recommended Books page so I can add it.

Posted by Selena at 08:45 AM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2008

Good News, Bad News

Well, the bad news is that I had to cancel my trip to DC at the last minute. And by "last minute," I mean literally at the airport, suitcase in hand. The reason why is the...

Even badder news: My mother-in-law passed away.

All that makes today's good news seem very pale, but here it is anyway: I just got an acceptance from a new print magazine called Sonar 4. My story “The Power of Suggestion” is scheduled for their April 09 issue. Yeah, good news, but pale indeed compared to the bad.

Posted by Selena at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2008

New Fav Lily Pic

Here is my new favorite picture of granddaughter Lily. She's "rocking out" to a meowing birthday card I got. It’s hilarious how much fun she has with that thing.

Posted by Selena at 03:32 PM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2008

"Whew!" Plus New Music & TV

Finally, the results from Big Scary Tests are in and they are normal. Whew.

I'm so relieved. The funny thing is mostly I'm just relieved that I don't have to postpone my upcoming trip to DC. You'd think I'd be relieved about not having Really Bad Medical Problem, but...well, I guess it's just one more of the many ways in which I am weird.

To celebrate my clean bill of health I hit the "buy" button on my iTunes shopping cart and finally purchased the 14 or so songs that had been living there for who knows how long. Favorite song from the bunch: Leann Rimes' "Good Friend and a Glass of Wine."

Here is a sample lyric:
"Who died and crowned me everybody's everything
I'm even busting my butt through the weekend
By the time I get home there's not an ounce of sanity
Between the dogs, my momma's calls
Is it against the law
For me to get what I need

A good friend and a glass of wine
Someone to say it's gonna be alright
A good friend and a glass of wine
A little pick me up to get me through the night"

Well, I don't have dogs and I don't mind my momma's occasional calls, but I am RIGHT THERE with everything else and the whole spirit of the song. Truth be told, I could even skip the wine, it's really just the good friend I need. Too bad all my BFFs are at least a thousand miles away. (Although that does make sense of paragraph two, doesn’t it?)

You can give the song a listen over at YouTube.

Also in my shopping cart, the latest episode of my newest guilty pleasure: "Gossip Girl." (I know! I can hardly believe I'm watching it either. But my daytime soap, the once-great GH, has gotten so sucky that I had to look elsewhere for my dose of fabulous soapiness.) My DVR inexplicably cut off about half of the last episode, which I just couldn't handle. Especially after reading about the episode on EW.com. Oh yeah, "The Dark Night" was the episode NOT to miss! Can't wait to watch it.

Posted by Selena at 01:46 PM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2008

Quote of the Day

Today's quote is from an old Gary Chapman song called "In His Hand," which sadly is not available on iTunes. (Grrr.)

"There is no cause for fear, here in His hand."

It looks like there used to be a video of the song on YouTube, but sadly it's not there anymore. (Bummer.) I used to have it on video myself, but that was back in the days of VHS and who's got VHS anymore?

So, I guess I'll just have to sing it from memory as best I can to remind myself that in God's hands "there is only safety."

I'm also trying to keep this Bible verse in my head:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Or as I like to say when my life looks hopelessly screwed up: "Relax. God knows what he is doing and he has my best interests at heart."

Posted by Selena at 07:10 AM | Comments (0)

September 07, 2008

Homesick

I am so homesick right now!

Here's a stream-of-consciousness list about some of the "things" I miss about living in the Washington Metro area:

I miss hanging out with my mom. I miss having lunch with Dad at Don Pablos most weeks. I miss being able to walk places like the grocery store, the library, the post office, a wide assortment of restaurants, and the Metro (gateway to most everywhere else I'd want to go). I miss breakfast at La Madeleine. (The yummiest egg, cheese, and bacon on croissant EVER.) I miss churches that consider "Godspell" an appropriate reference for a Sunday morning service. I miss that Indian place on Capitol Hill. (No, not that one. The other one.) I miss having dinner with my girlfriends and trading wacky stories of our wacky lives. I miss fitting in and being understood. I miss being on a train full of people either reading books or listening to iPods, sometimes both at the same time. I miss a theatre community so big and diverse that you could see a show every night (except Mondays, of course) and still not see them all. I miss art, and museums, and art museums. I miss The Awakening sculpture at Hains Point. (Huh? What do you mean it's no longer at Hains Point?! Bummer. Where's the National Harbor? Clearly I've been away too long.) I even miss confused tourists asking for directions.

Suffice it to say that I miss Washington.

Good thing I have a trip to DC planned soon. I can't wait.

Posted by Selena at 05:40 PM | Comments (0)

September 03, 2008

Speaking of "Happy Working..."

I spent the last few days working on a book-editing project (for pay!) and here's the revelation: I am so much happier, productive, and energetic when I am busy working on a project that I am interested in.

I didn't even need a nap once this week!

So, I guess the lesson for me is to fill my days with work that is meaningful to me, not just busy stuff that other people expect of me. I've realized that I tend to get bored (and then unproductive) when I don't have enough interesting stuff on my plate.

Gotta stay engaged. Gotta stay focused. Gotta keep working.

Posted by Selena at 09:01 PM | Comments (0)

July 17, 2008

Stalked by Insomnia

It used to be, back in the day, that I never had trouble sleeping. Well, it turns out that those days—like so many—are long gone.

Even in recent memory, insomnia only plagued me occasionally, once every couple months or so. But this month, it's already harassed me three times and we're only about halfway through July. Aargh! Last week, I hardly slept at all both Thursday and Friday night. Last night, same thing.

It’s really making me cranky and unproductive.

I'm going to try a cup of chamomile tea before bed tonight and see if that helps.

Posted by Selena at 05:46 PM | Comments (0)

July 01, 2008

Psalms 139

In getting ready for this week's Sunday School lesson, I came across Psalms 139 and it really spoke to me of how closely God is with us and how we can never get so far away that he isn't right there with us.

Here's my favorite section, verses 1-10:

"O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts when I'm far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me."

This verse is perhaps especially comforting to me because I sometimes feel alone, unseen, and far from home. But with God, I am never truly alone, unseen, or far from home. Because ultimately home is where God is, and God is everywhere.

Posted by Selena at 09:42 PM | Comments (2)

The Exhaustion Cure

I feel like I don't have as much energy as I used to. So, I got a book called "The Exhaustion Cure," thinking that might help. But I've been too tired to read it.

Posted by Selena at 08:26 PM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2008

Tough Week (but Two Good Books)

It's been a tough week. First, Lily was sick. (Who knew so much vomit could come out of such a small child?!) Then Sharon was sick. Then yesterday I was sick, although not as badly. In truth, I think my "illness" wasn't a stomach virus so much as it was my stomach throwing a tantrum over all the junk food I've been feeding it lately. "Okay, Grumpy Tummy, message received."

One of the downsides to all the sickness going around this week is that I hardly got anything on my to-do list done. But there was an upside: I did a lot of non-work reading, i.e. not submissions or critiques but actual books that I have been meaning to read.

Yesterday I finally finished Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Such a great book. So enlightening, so vital, so helpful. The weird thing is that the book is ten years old. The copy I have is a "tenth anniversary edition." So, what I want to know is: why didn't anyone in all my years of education make me read this sooner?

I have two more books on Emotional Intelligence sitting on my to-read stack. It's such a fascinating topic.

Instead of reading one of those, I chose to go with The Writing Diet by Julia Cameron. I like the idea of turning to writing instead of food when in distress. It's a skill I need to learn. Hopefully it will help with two of my problems: my seriously lacking productivity in regards to my writing, and my tendency to eat too much and all the wrong things. So far, the book has been very interesting and helpful. I think I am going to have to get that other book of hers, The Artist's Way. I've been coveting it for a while now. Maybe someone will give it to me for my birthday. ;)

Posted by Selena at 06:59 AM | Comments (0)

May 21, 2008

Fridge Art?

I finally got one of those cool magnetic poetry kits. I always wanted one.

I’m not a poet; I have no talent whatsoever at it. (That one poem I had published years ago was a fluke. Trust me.) But I do like the idea of playing with words in this way.

Here’s what’s on my fridge right now:

Here's the text if you can't make it out in the graphic:

question weight
sustain health
inspire transformation
nourish spirit
encourage challenge

Not so much fridge art as fridge affirmations. But that’s what I need right now.

Posted by Selena at 08:49 PM | Comments (0)

May 19, 2008

B-day Lily

Here are a couple pictures from Lily's first birthday. Ain't she cute?

Posted by Selena at 09:18 AM | Comments (0)

May 05, 2008

Quote of the Day: "Be the change..."

Today's quote is actually a few lines from last week's Grey's Anatomy:
---
Addison Montgomery: "You're a fighter, Stevens. What happened?"

Izzie Stevens: "I lost a lot of fights."

Addison: "Well... Time to get back up. Go. Be the change you want to see in the world."

Izzie: "Did you just quote Gandhi to me?"
---
What a great scene! I particularly love Izzie's face when she says, "I lost a lot of fights." I can totally relate.

"Be the change..."

I'm trying.

Posted by Selena at 04:34 PM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2008

Good Day

It's been a good day. I worked on, finalized, and sent two stories. That's always a good feeling. I've got a third story that is almost ready; I'm just waiting to hear back from one crit partner.

Plus I finally bought the mass of songs in my iTunes shopping cart—a full 31 songs, nearly two hours of music. Yeah! I'm having a great time listening to them. It's an eclectic collection, everything from old school favorites like "Rapper's Delight" and "Boogie Shoes" to more recent offerings like Marc Cohn's "Live Out the String" and Sugarland's "Stay." There's even the Jerry Lee Lewis classic "Great Balls of Fire." That's fun music!

To cap things off, I made beer cheese soup and it turned out perfect. Yum.

It didn't turn out so great last time because I tried to simplify the steps. In my defense the recipe is ridiculously complicated (cook these ingredients, then blend them, then add this, then whisk these two, etc., etc.). Don't believe me? Check out the recipe for yourself. I'm much more of a "throw all the ingredients in the pot and simmer" kind of cook. But on this one, the effort is worth it.

I did change the recipe a little: tortilla chips instead of croutons, red pepper instead of garlic, a little less flour. But all those wacky cooking, blending steps—trust me, you gotta stick to the recipe.

Now, if I can just manage to not eat the whole batch in one sitting... ;)

Posted by Selena at 01:42 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2008

Easter Lily

I realized I haven't posted new pictures of Granddaughter Lily in ages. (She's nearly a year old now. How time flies!) So, here are a couple pictures from Easter. Isn't she beautiful?

Posted by Selena at 08:57 PM | Comments (0)

Caught Up!

Well, I am finally caught up on reading submissions. Yeah!

I know it won't last. I am sure another sub will come in any moment now. But still, it's an accomplishment and maybe if I can hold onto all my focus and discipline I can keep up with reading submissions and not fall behind again. Maybe. ;)

Posted by Selena at 05:50 PM | Comments (0)

April 11, 2008

So Overwhelmed (+BG)

I am so overwhelmed by my to-do list right now that I am very nearly frozen into inaction.

I have to just pick one thing and do it. Then pick the next thing, and so on. But it's easier said than done.

On the plus side, Battlestar Galactica is back! And it is fantastic! It's almost enough to make me watch TV live again. Almost. But no, I'll wait and watch it the next day when I can fast-forward through the commercials.

Someone please tell me where I can buy a T-shirt emblazoned with Starbuck's current battle cry: "We're going the wrong way!" For some reason that just really resonates with me right now. ;)

Posted by Selena at 07:54 AM | Comments (0)

April 04, 2008

Lost Week

I have been sick all week. And so I have gotten next to nothing done since Monday morning. No submissions read, no writing done, no preparing for the class I'm supposed to teach on Sunday. Aargh! As if being sick wasn't bad enough, I've got to feel guilty for being so unproductive. Clearly I need help. ;)

I keep telling myself that it's got to start getting better soon. It's got to, right?

Hope your week has been germ-free.

Posted by Selena at 10:32 AM | Comments (0)

March 16, 2008

Quotes of the Day: from "Leap of Faith"

I didn't go to church today. I bugged out after Sunday School. But even before then, I had my own personal worship service going on courtesy of the movie soundtrack from "Leap of Faith."

Today the song I'm feeling most is "Change in My Life." Here is a sample lyric:

"Standing cold and scared on top of blue hill,
There came one moment when I lost my will.
I prayed for mercy, please Lord take me away.
Oh give me sunshine where I only see grey.
My past had a hold on me, it can't be denied,
And the changes don't come easily.

I've been lonely, I've been cheated,
I've been misunderstood
I've been washed up, I've been put down,
And told I'm no good
But with you I belong,
Cause you help me be strong,
There's a change in my life,
Since you came along."

I feel like I'm stuck in the downtrodden part of my life, knowing that God has changed my life, but waiting for that change to be made manifest. I guess God is trying to teach me patience. ;)

P.S. Actually, the next song on the album is a five-minute revival of its own. Who knew a song called "King of Sin Medley" could be so uplifting?

"The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"

That right there, that feeling—that is what church is supposed to do to you.

Posted by Selena at 01:45 PM | Comments (0)

March 05, 2008

Interesting Articles on "Me"-ness vs. Happiness

Sorry, I meant to blog about this days ago but forgot.

Recently, I came across this good article in The Washington Post about how me-centered thinking and entitlement make people miserable instead of happy.

Me
If It's All About You, You're in Trouble. Why a Sense of Entitlement Can Wreak Havoc on Happiness.

Sounds like a no-brainer, right?

Then why do we as a society tend to teach our kids that they are the center of the universe and are entitled to get whatever they want?

It's fascinating and counter-intuitive that focusing so much on instilling self-esteem has backfired and may actually do more harm than good.

It reminds me of an article I recently read in Oprah Magazine called "The New and Improved Self-Esteem" (by Aimee Lee Ball).

Sadly, the article isn't available online. I checked. It was in the January 2008 issue if you can get your hands on it. (All the website has of the article is the sidebar, which is good but not the meat of the thing.)

Here are the two quotes from the Oprah article that I found most interesting:

"There's no question you get the best results from highly contingent praise and criticism," says [Roy] Baumeister [PhD, professor of psychology at Florida State University]. "That means praising exactly what you did right and criticizing exactly what you did wrong." [emphasis mine]

That makes sense to me. So why have we fallen so far away from doing that? I guess because we are so afraid of hurting someone's feelings. Key phrase: "highly contingent."

"[Carol] Dweck's studies clearly show that when children are told they're brilliant, they often start thinking of effort as a sign of stupidity."[Dweck, PhD, is professor of psychology at Stanford University.]

That explains a lot!

I encourage you to check out both of these fascinating reads.

Posted by Selena at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)

New Fav Song: "Problem Girl"

I have a new favorite song. It's "Problem Girl" by Rob Thomas.

Here is a sample:
"Don't let 'em get where they're going to
You know they're only what they think of you
…
And when the kids on the street say
What's your problem girl
…
When they all make you feel
Like you're a problem girl
Remember
You're no problem at all
You're no problem at all"

It's a sly profession of love. Not obvious like "I adore you." But more real. Because we are never problems to those who love us.

That's good stuff.

Posted by Selena at 09:18 PM | Comments (0)

March 01, 2008

A Good Day

I have already spent over four hours on writing today. (I've been working on fixing the un-fixable novel, the one I've been avoiding for a year or more.) It feels great to be writing and getting things done.

You know what I realized? That when I am really engaged in a task, I don't get tired as easily. Or resort to stress-induced snacking as much.

I breezed through the day with no nap at all, not even feeling like I needed a nap. That's a rare thing for me. Plus I managed to eat healthy all day, which is really rare, and walk 45 minutes on the treadmill.

That's a good day. That's being "in the zone." That's where I hope to spend more time.

Posted by Selena at 06:12 PM | Comments (0)

February 21, 2008

Godspell = Revival

While I was in DC last week, I visited a church I had attended for a few months back when I lived in the area. It was a great experience. It reminded me what it feels like to be in my kind of church, one where I fit in and feel at home.

Although I enjoyed the sermon—especially how the pastor used Facebook to make his point—it was the children's lesson that got to me the most. It was about Godspell and ended with a recitation of this prayer/song from the musical:

"Day by day
Oh Dear Lord
Three things I pray
To see thee more clearly 
Love thee more dearly
Follow thee more nearly 
Day by day"

Today I happened to find the Godspell CD that I lost track of years ago. I promptly imported it into my iTunes so I wouldn't misplace the music again.

I've spent most of the evening listening to Godspell over and over again. The music does more for me spiritually that most of the church services I have attended. It reminds me and inspires me and prods me ever closer to God. It's like a revival in a CD case.

"Long live God."

----
For more on Godspell visit these sites I found via Google and liked:

I like this one for the full lyrics and the story of a church who performed the musical.

Then this is the official site (I guess). It's got a lot of stuff but I particularly like the history of how Godspell came about. That story was even part of the children's lesson mentioned above.

Posted by Selena at 08:19 PM | Comments (0)

February 11, 2008

The Turtle at the Front Door

Today a turtle came knocking at the front door again. (I think he was on his way to the lake behind the house and just got confused. Or maybe he wanted to take the short cut through the house.) This time I managed to get a picture.

Posted by Selena at 06:48 PM | Comments (0)

January 27, 2008

The Tale of the Turtle and the Crane

A few days ago, the sand cranes were in the backyard and one was seated, which I've never seen them do. I wonder if she was laying eggs or something. Then a poor, unsuspecting turtle came moseying through the lawn on his way to the lake. Momma Crane had a fit.

She got up, walked over to the turtle and started warning him away with a lot of squawking and wing flapping. (It's important to note here that the wingspan of a sand hill crane is something like seven feet. This bird is about a hundred times bigger than the turtle.) Poor turtle was surely saying, "Look, lady, relax. I'm just passing through." The turtle wasn't heading toward her nesting spot (or whatever it was). He never did turn in that direction. But that didn't stop Momma Crane from dogging him all the way down to the water, screaming the whole way some crane version of "Yeah, that's right. You just keep on walking."

It was so cool. I wish I had been able to videotape it.

Posted by Selena at 12:50 PM | Comments (0)

January 23, 2008

Miscellaneous

I haven't been blogging much lately. It's not that I don't have anything to say. It's more like I don't have much to say that is suitable for a public forum and/or of interest to others.

Winter has always been a quiet, introspective time for me. So, please bear with me.

Here is a miscellany of what's been going on:

Mom came to visit, which was great. As usual, the sand hill cranes refused to come by the house while she was here. (I honestly can't fathom what that is about, except maybe it's just bad luck.) We did see the birds in the mall parking lot though. (Go figure.) True to form, the birds stopped by the backyard just a couple days after Mom had gone home.

We did get a visitor of another sort while Mom was here. We were in the living room one afternoon when we heard a scratching, banging noise at the front door. I opened it to find a big turtle (about a foot wide) knocking on the door like he was on his way to the lake and wanted to take a short cut through the house. We reoriented him and shortly after saw him making his way along the side of the house, down to the lake.

With the writers strike lingering on, there isn't much to watch on TV. So, I've been watching movies instead. Here are a few I watched recently and liked: The Illusionist, The Lake House (which I'd seen before and loved), Mission Impossible III, and Stranger Than Fiction.

I have been keeping up with my "one submission a week" goal, but otherwise not doing much writing. This is the reward I am motivating myself with: a mad genius T-shirt. (You know you want one.) Now if I could just stick to my diet and exercise goals, I'd be set.

I started watching the new Terminator series, which is okay so far. It's cool to see Summer Glau get more work. (I thought she was great in Firefly and Serenity.) She makes a good Terminator. I just wish her character had more personality, but I guess Terminators don't generally have a lot of personality. Favorite moment so far: Cameron (played by Summer Glau) saying "please remain calm" to the people in the car whose windshield her head is smashed through. LOL. I loved that.

Posted by Selena at 09:08 PM | Comments (0)

January 14, 2008

Good Day

It was a good day. I managed to spend several hours writing, in spite of a full day of baby-watching. Plus I took a short walk and did a little DEP work. I even finished and sent off the submission I've been working on.

It wasn't all good though. I didn't stick to my diet. I had more chocolate than good health would dictate. I didn't exercise nearly enough. But no day is perfect.

All in all, it was a very good day.

I hope yours was good too.

Posted by Selena at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)

Podcast Interview and Story

My story "Young Ones" is part of the latest episode of Ray Gun Radio. (The story was originally published in Ray Gun Revival as part of their Issue #3.) The story is book-ended by an interview with yours truly.

You can give it a listen here.

It's such a kick to hear one of my stories read out loud! That hardly ever happens.

Posted by Selena at 10:37 AM | Comments (0)

January 13, 2008

Failing Already

I had such high hopes for today, yet I am failing already.

I worked for a couple hours. It was going so well. But then my plans got hijacked, as so often happens.

I guess by now I should have learned how to take that in stride. But I haven't. It sets me back. Even once my time is (mostly) my own again, it's hard to get back into the groove of getting things done.

I need a reset button, a way to get back in the zone after I have been sidetracked.

I am going to try a cup of tea. Maybe the caffeine will help. Maybe then I can get back to the to-do list that has been taunting me: the 30+ submissions I have yet to read, the submission I promised myself I would finish and send off this week, the novel chapters I am supposed to be critiquing, etc., etc.

This is me pressing “Restart Game.” Wish me luck. ;)

Posted by Selena at 05:11 PM | Comments (0)

January 03, 2008

Florida Cold Snap

I live in Florida. Yet, when I woke up this morning it was thirty degrees outside and sixty-four degrees inside. (That’s with the heat on!) The weather is so out of the ordinary that it’s the top news story on most local news outlets, including this one.

I never was a fan of the cold, but now that I’ve gotten used to it hardly ever getting below seventy, it feels even colder.

One of the things I love about living in Florida is the absence of winter. I love that the weather is sunny and warm ninety-nine percent of the time. It’s just those five or so days a year when Mother Nature goes crazy and brings chilly weather to the south—uggh, that's rough. To make the cold feel even worse, houses in Florida are designed to release the heat not keep it.

They say the weather is going to normalize back into milder temps by the weekend. I can't wait.

I had planned to go out for groceries and other shopping today, but I just can't do it. Instead I'm going to wrap up in a quilt and read until the weather warms up.

Posted by Selena at 09:21 AM | Comments (0)

December 31, 2007

2007 Year End Tally

As 2007 draws to a close, here is my year by the numbers.

# of deaths among my friends and family = 2

# of births = 1

# of engagements = 2

# of people added to my household = 2
# of square feet added to my house = 0

# subs sent = 36
# subs accepted = 6
(That a 16% accept rate, which isn’t bad.)

# stories published = 7
(compared with 5 in 2006, 4 in 2005, 3 in 2004, and 1 poem in 2003)

# of novels drafted = 1
# of novels edited, revised, proofed and sent to crit partners for critique = 1
# of novels almost completely neglected = 2

# of days at Disney World = 2

# of new jobs = 1
# of resignation letters = 1

# of blood pressure medications tried before finally getting one that works for me = 3

# of trips to my beloved hometown Washington, DC = 4

Happy New Year!

Posted by Selena at 04:15 PM | Comments (0)

December 29, 2007

Remembrances

I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. I guess that’s natural for this time of year.

What strikes me is how much my life has changed in the last twenty years. At this point, my life is barely recognizable compared to what it was back then. A few things are the same, but a lot of things aren’t. Much of my past, while not gone from my memory, has no discernable evidence in my current life. For instance, you can’t tell from my life right now that I used to wait tables and loved it, or that I studied computer programming in college and have programmed in Pascal, Fortran, and Assembly. There is no evidence of any of that in my here and now. That doesn’t mean it’s gone. It’s still part of who I am, even if it’s not readily apparent.

A couple songs came to mind as I thought about this:

1) “In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins, which has this great line: “I remember, I remember, don’t worry.” As long as someone remembers, then the moment is never completely gone. And I remember, I remember a lot of things that aren’t apparent in my current everyday.

2) “Dead Man’s Hill” by the Indigo Girls, which has this wonderful chorus:
“Don't you write it down
Remember this in your head
Don't take a picture
Remember this in your heart
Don't leave a message
Talk to me face to face
Talk to me face to face”
Sometimes it is the really important things that we remember only in our hearts and minds.

If I look hard enough there are some remnants of “the old days.” I have a pink, men’s shirt in my closet that I got from the Salvation Army when I was about twenty years old. Every time I put it on, it reminds me of that time in my life. It makes me smile.

Thinking about the past also makes me wonder about the future. If my life has changed so much over the last twenty years, what will happen in the next twenty? Will my life two decades from now barely resemble my life now? Will I be living in L.A., starring in a sketch comedy show? Or in Arizona, doing whatever it is people do in Arizona? Or in some other outlandish situation that seems completely impossible right now? There is no telling.

Posted by Selena at 11:06 AM | Comments (2)

December 15, 2007

Blog Jewels

Last night I was too tired to work, but still had to be awake for the baby-watching, so I ended up surfing. I found some jewels and wanted to share them:

Grendel, The Misanthropic Dog: this blog is from the point of view of a dog. So sweet and entertaining.

That led me to this blog post from one of Grendel's friends, a dog named BlackStar. What a great story about an "incident!"

I also like to read RevGalBlogPals. Yesterday's "Friday Five" turned up all kinds of good responses at various member blogs. But this response from Eternal Echoes particularly got me:
Under the heading of "what makes you rejoice about Jesus' coming," this blogger wrote:
"That God should come amongst us in the form of a baby,
born to a poor family...
That God should choose vulnerability..."

Wow. Thinking of Jesus, the Son of God, as a vulnerable baby… And that he chose that as his way into the world… What does that tell us?

Wow. Just wow.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

Posted by Selena at 10:31 PM | Comments (0)

December 07, 2007

Totally Likable Dell

Speaking of unlikable men, here is one for the likable men list: Dell from Private Practice.

Normally, young and blonde is not my type. But Dell is quickly becoming my favorite character on Private Practice. Dell distinguished himself in the episode where he brought Naomi cake day after day, and he told the other men the secret to dealing successfully with women: "Figure out what they want, then give it to them." (I'm not sure that is an exact quote since it's from memory.) Turns out, young Dell knows women.

Then in the most recent episode Dell confessed his feelings for Naomi to her ex-husband and then to her. Whoa! Dell's the underdog in the fight for Naomi's affections, but I'm pulling for him. Great moment when he told Naomi's ex-husband: "I guarantee you, I wouldn't make her cry." Add that to Dell's lessons on dealing with women. It sounds so simple, but in truth that and cake goes a long way. ;)

Also, the funniest part of this week's "Private Practice" was the lead in from the previous show, a Christmas special: "Santa's left behind a new Private Practice. (Heehee.) Of course, the EW.com recap had to remind us that "at the conclusion of the episode, Santa Rhimes went on strike." Bummer. I had forgotten about that.

Posted by Selena at 09:59 PM | Comments (0)

Back in Business

I finally got my Entourage back the way I like it, with all my email restored. Whew.

One of the first things I did was set up a recurring task to remind me to backup Entourage everyday. 'Cause I don't need to go through that ever again.

Posted by Selena at 04:33 PM | Comments (0)

December 05, 2007

Entourage Crashed AGAIN

My Entourage has lost its mind again. (Aargh! That always derails my day.)

Periodically I will start my computer, open Entourage and discover that it has developed amnesia and reverted to a brand-new, just-installed state. Yes, that means no email, notes, events, tasks, etc. Just nothing.

I always stare in disbelief for a few moments. Then try restarting my laptop like maybe it was all just a bad dream.

For a while I was in the habit of backing up Entourage everyday, just in case. But last time it was so easily restored – by switching identities – that I fell out of the habit. Unfortunately, it's not showing any additional identities this time, so switching won't fix it this time.

I do have a backup that is only about three weeks old, so that's not too bad. I just have to figure out if I can download only the last three weeks of email from gmail. There's got to be a way.

Sadly, I also haven't synched my pda in several days at least.

Grrr. Man, I hate it when technology fails. Even more when I know it is partly my fault for not backing up stuff like I know I should. I gotta learn to back up everyday.

So, let this be YOUR reminder: back up your files.

I hope you are having a better morning than I am.

Posted by Selena at 07:58 AM | Comments (0)

November 30, 2007

The Writers' Strike Blues

While I am completely on the side of the writers, I just have this to say to both sides:

"Y'all better get this settled soon because I am on the verge of giving up on TV for good."

Seriously. And I can't be the only one.

There is so little good stuff on TV that I was on the edge of quitting even before the writers' strike. Now, episodes of my favorite shows are being rationed out. I turned on the TV to watch last night's "Grey's Anatomy" and it was a REPEAT! (A repeat during November sweeps! And when just last week they were promo-ing a "3-part Grey's event!" And last week's cliffhanger! Aargh!! Such frustration can't be good for my blood pressure.)

I recently started watching "Pushing Daisies" based on Mir's glowing recommendation, and it is every bit as wonderful as Mir says. But a lot of the joy is taken out when I know I've only got one episode left before the show disappears for who knows how long.

I enjoyed the recent "Battlestar Galatica: Razor" but—AGAIN, knowing that it will be MONTHS before I see a new BG episode (if then), I almost don't want to bother getting back into the show.

Plus, honestly, I still haven't forgiven NBC for canceling "Studio 60."

I keep thinking of all the time that will reappear in my schedule if I just stop watching TV. Hmmm. More time for reading, writing, and editing. Maybe it's for the best.

I just hope TV writers can easily turn their talents to other media.

Posted by Selena at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)

November 20, 2007

Charlie's Gone

Last night my favorite cat, who had been dying slow for weeks, suddenly switched to dying fast. It was a terrible, heart-wrenching night.

It had been coming for a while, so at least I was a little prepared. By all rational measures Charlie should have died weeks ago. But God granted us a miraculous reprieve. Charlie inexplicably got better for a couple weeks. I remember thinking that I would be so grateful if he just lived through this really rough time I had scheduled November 17-19. And he did. God granted me the comfort of my favorite feline companion through that particularly difficult time. I am so appreciative of that blessing.

Still, I miss having Charlie around. The habit of him is so ingrained that I keep expecting to see him snoozing in one of his favorite spots or coming around the corner to see what's going on. Then a split second later my brain catches up and I remember.

Here's Charlie with the baby cat in the family. He's the solid black one. Madeline is the multi-colored baby.

God is so good. Even in the dark times. Especially in the dark times.

Posted by Selena at 09:53 PM | Comments (0)

November 07, 2007

Server Outage Makes International News

This is the server outage that has kept Double-Edged Publishing sites* offline since Saturday. Our magazines and sites are only a small part of what is a huge outage.

Here's a link to Monday's article in The Register, a news site in Great Britain.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/11/05/navisite_outage/

Here’s a snippet:
"Navisite, the US webhosting firm, is scrambling to fix an extended outage that is believed to have rendered tens of thousands of websites inoperable for more than three days. The company hopes to completely resolve the problem by Tuesday morning at the latest."

Yeah, well, it's now Wednesday night and I still can't access any DEP sites.*

*DEP sites include:
Dragons, Knights, & Angels
The Sword Review
MindFlights
Haruah
TeenAge
Ray Gun Revival
Fear and Trembling

Posted by Selena at 06:11 PM | Comments (0)

November 03, 2007

Beautiful Photo at Haruah

I came across this in my morning surfing and just had to share…

"Boasting Peacock"
by W. Joy Robelen

It's the latest cover at Haruah and it's gorgeous.

The picture reminds me that God is an artist.

Stop by Haruah and check it out.

Posted by Selena at 07:59 AM | Comments (0)

November 02, 2007

An Update on Charlie

Amazingly, my cat Charlie is still hanging on. Miraculously, he has started drinking again—a little water and milk, both yesterday and today—after a couple days of refusing to drink anything. That's a miracle.

He still won't eat anything. But at least he's not as dehydrated as he was, and that seems to make a big difference in how he feels.

I know it won't last, but it's still nice to have him around a little longer. And hearing him purr again just fills my heart with such joy!

I thank God for this reprieve, however long it may last.

Posted by Selena at 09:55 PM | Comments (0)

October 27, 2007

Bad Day

My beloved cat Charlie has taken a turn for the worse. That's all I can bear to say right now.

(For more on my sick kitty see these two posts:
Sep 29, 2007
Sep 25,2007)

Posted by Selena at 07:39 PM | Comments (2)

October 23, 2007

Guardian Angels On Duty

Well, I got my break. Just yesterday I was wondering "Maybe tomorrow I can catch a break." And then today, I got it—a stroke of good luck so big that it could only be divine intervention.

Every now and then something happens—or, more often, doesn't happen—and it's obvious that guardian angels are protecting me and mine. Today is one of those days.

So, here I am to say:
Praise God for those moments of grace when He takes our mistakes and spares us from them.

Thank you, Lord. You are so good to me.

Posted by Selena at 10:12 AM | Comments (0)

October 22, 2007

Today's Song: "itsalwaysomething"

The song that I keep listening to today is Rick Springfield's "itsalwaysomething."

(Of course, the editor and proofer in me want it to be "It's Always Something.")

Here are some sample lyrics:
"I've been good at snatching defeat from the
jaws of victory
Anytime I stopped to smell the roses they
drew blood from me
Do you know what I mean?
You never ever get away clean
Oh but it's alright,
Yeah, touchdown, turn around, flag on the play
It's always something, you know it is, it's always something
It's always something, everyday, It's always something"

Maybe tomorrow I can catch a break. ;)

Posted by Selena at 07:56 PM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2007

Super Shrew

I've been meaning to blog about how great The Taming of the Shrew was in DC, but the week just got away from me.

I thoroughly enjoyed the show. It's a gorgeous production. Plus it's funny, as most productions of Shrew are. This production is even a bit romantic, which you don't always get with this difficult play. If you have a chance to see the show, I encourage you to do so. You aren't likely to get another opportunity to see a Shrew this good.

There are so many great moments in this production; I couldn't begin to list them all. There is one in fact that I won't detail because it would spoil the surprise. All I will say is that the text just indicates Petruchio is inappropriately dressed when he arrives for his wedding. It doesn't say what he is wearing, and it didn't prepare me for what Taichman and company did with the opportunity.

My favorite moment, however, is when Petruchio and Kate first meet. Kate walks by Petruchio and she literally slows down and turns back to have another look. It's a beautiful, romantic moment. I only wish I could have been watching Petruchio at the same time so I could have seen if he was equally smitten. It's a real "love at first sight" moment. I always thought the play needed that to make all that comes later believable.

The chemistry between Petruchio and Kate is palpable, which is another element I consider critical to the success of a production of Shrew. Plus, Christopher Innvar somehow makes Petruchio likeable, despite the way Petruchio bullies and manhandles Kate. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Innvar is so handsome.

Still, Petruchio manhandles Kate a little too much for tastes. But that's part of the play, and it's tough to get around. In this production, I found it a little odd to watch Petruchio best Kate physically because Charlayne Woodard, who plays Kate, has arm muscles like a bodybuilder. It kept reminding me of that scene in "What's Love Got to Do with It" where Ike is roughing up Tina, and Angela Bassett's muscular arms are shown off by her sleeveless top, and all I could think is "She could totally beat the daylights out of him! Why doesn't she?" Likewise, in this Shrew it was a little hard for me to believe that Petruchio could so easily out-brawl Kate. I kept waiting for her to punch him really hard right in the face. It might not knock him out, 'cause Petruchio's a big guy, but it would certainly stun him long enough for Kate to run away. But she doesn't, of course. I guess I could refer to my "favorite moment" above for a hint about why.

Kate's speech at the end is probably the toughest in the play. It's a real problem—especially for a female, maybe even feminist, director. But Taichman pulls it off.

I especially enjoyed how Petruchio handed Kate the money after winning the bet. It's a choice I recommended back in college when I wrote a paper on how to produce a feminist Shrew. I remember my professor called the choice "problematic." Whatever. I still believe the gesture is crucial to re-establishing balance between Kate and Petruchio, and showing that despite public appearances to the contrary they are equal partners in the game. Certainly, I'm not laying claim to the idea. I'm probably not even the first one who suggested it. But it was still lovely that this successful director, who I have come to admire so much, made one of the same choices I would have made. It was a little moment of personal validation for me.

This "Taming of the Shrew" is worth flying a thousand miles for. I'm certainly glad I made the trip. If I was still in DC, I'd go see it again.

Posted by Selena at 11:52 PM | Comments (0)

October 18, 2007

NaNo or Not

I had been going back and forth about whether to sign up for this year's NaNo, and in a moment of hopefulness I signed up. I regretted it almost immediately.

Don't get me wrong, I loved participating in National Novel Writing Month both times I've done it (2005 and 2006) and I think it is great writing practice. All things being equal, I would do it again. But all things aren't equal. The irony is that my schedule is more crowded with responsibilities now than when I was working a full-time, paid job.

I just don't think I have the time and energy to complete NaNo this year, which is why I had been thinking of not participating. But then I went and signed up anyway. I'm such a dope.

So, now I have to decide whether to attempt it or just accept my failure now.

If only I could learn to function without sleep…

Posted by Selena at 09:23 AM | Comments (0)

October 05, 2007

October 01, 2007

Sunset Sky

Yesterday I went for a walk and my reward was this magnificent blue and pink sky, complete with feathery, white clouds.

Posted by Selena at 11:19 PM | Comments (0)

September 29, 2007

Bad Week & Quote of the Day: Hold Fast

It's been a bad week: I found out that my favorite cat probably has cancer and definitely has a urinary track infection. ('Cause, you know, it's not bad enough that he has an abdominal mass the size of my fist.)

Plus a brother-in-law died after a long struggle with cancer. I know he's in a better place, but it sucks for those of us still here and missing him.

And that's just the big stuff I'm wrestling with this week.

So when this came up on my iTunes, it was like a gift from God:

"Please do no let go
I promise there is hope
Hold fast
Help is on the way
Hold fast
He's come to save the day
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast."
- from "Hold Fast" by Mercy Me

(Emphasis mine.)

I'm trying. I'm really trying to feel that assurance. Knowing and believing that God is in control and has my best interests at heart—that is one thing. Feeling it is harder.

Posted by Selena at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2007

Sick Kitty

One of my cats has been sick. (It's Charlie, the diabetic one. In the photo below he's the black one on the left.) Today the vet said he has a hard mass in his lower abdomen.

They're running some tests but it is most likely cancer.

People keep reminding me that he's more than fifteen years old, that he's lived a good life. I know it's true, but I'm not ready to let him go.

Posted by Selena at 01:35 PM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2007

Cool Article on Shrew

Today I came across this interesting article on the production of "The Taming of the Shrew" that I am looking forward to:

"A Thoroughly Modern Willie"

It's not often you hear this particular Shakespeare play referred to as "modern."

Posted by Selena at 05:17 PM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2007

Can't Wait for Shrew

I am so excited about the upcoming production of "The Taming of the Shrew" in my beloved Washington, DC. Shrew is my favorite Shakespeare play, and it's one that is hardly ever produced. Just having the chance to see it is a rare opportunity.

Ever since I studied the play in college, I have believed it is possible to produce a Shrew that is both romantic and feminist. I don't imagine it would be easy. There are formidable challenges, like a text that seems misogynist and archaic to a modern audience. I have never seen a production that manages to overcome that, but I am still hopeful that it can be done.

After listening to director Rebecca Bayla Taichman talk about the upcoming production, I am even more hopeful. If a romantic, feminist production of Shrew can be had, Ms. Taichman seems exactly the woman to pull it off. At the theatre's website, you can see video of her talking about the show, or listen to the podcast version.

Listen to the part where she talks about what being a shrew means. I love how she points out that Kate is silent through much of the play in direct opposition to her shrewish label. I was nodding my head when she said that.

As I studied Shrew, one of the things that appealed to me was the tension between this woman who is labeled "shrew" and the fact that she is not the most shrewish person in the play. Petruchio out-shrews Kate more than once. I think he must do it on purpose because it has two very positive results: 1) it puts the townspeople on Kate's side for a change (against Petruchio, her new husband, who behaves appallingly at their wedding), and 2) it gives Kate the opportunity to redefine her role (suddenly she is the one defending the servants from abuse, Petruchio's abuse).

I am also pleased that the notes on the website quote Coppelia Kahn. I think it was her "Man's Estate" I read back in the day, but what Coppelia Kahn has to add to the Shrew equation is the insight that Kate truly holds the power over Petruchio despite her submission to him at the end. Actually it is because of her submission. Kate doesn't need Petruchio. But Petruchio needs Kate. He needs her submission to validate him as an adult male in the strongly patriarchal society of the play. Without a wife who submits to him, Petruchio is a marginalized member of society. Only through his successful "taming" of a wife can he be respected. That is a key piece to understanding the play.

Don't miss the video where Taichman wrestles with the question of whether Shrew is "a great love story or a sexist put-down?" In her wisdom, she declares that it is both -- and much more.

I can't wait to see the show. I've got my tickets. How about you? Really, when do you think you'll have another opportunity to see "The Taming of the Shrew?" It could be awhile.

Posted by Selena at 05:48 PM | Comments (0)

September 12, 2007

Too Sick to Blog

I've been too sick to blog. Or do much of anything, for that matter.

I have deliberately avoided reading submissions because it just doesn’t seem fair to evaluate someone's work when I feel this miserable.

But today I feel a little better than I did yesterday. So, at least now we're heading in the right direction, after several days of just getting worse and worse. A bad cold, the doc said. Problem is: with my high blood pressure, there isn't much I can take for a cold. So, it's been mostly natural remedies like tea, fluids, steam, and laying down under a pile of blankets.

Here's a resource I like for natural cold and flu remedies:
WebMd

Hope you don't get sick, though. Which reminds me, here is how to prevent getting a cold.

I do most of that. Don't know where I went wrong this time. Oh yeah, it was probably all that sleep deprivation. Wears down your immune system every time. ;)

Take care of yourselves, everyone. And get enough rest. You'll be glad you did.

Posted by Selena at 05:57 PM | Comments (0)

September 08, 2007

Tea Fussy

I like tea a lot, but I've also become really fussy about it. I realized today that when I order iced tea at a café or restaurant, I send it back about half the time and get something else. I make my own iced tea at home, so I think I don't like the massed-produced kind anymore. I don't even like most bottled teas. I guess I've been spoiled by all the premium tea.

At home, I make iced tea out of decaf black tea and decaf green tea with mint. Plus a pinch of stevia to sweeten it just a little.

My favorite tea is Lipton's Black Pearl. Yum. Followed closely by Bigelow's Constant Comment. Beware the "orange spice" teas of other brands. They don't cut it. Trust me. I have been disappointed more than once.

I also like a bunch of the Celestial Seasonings teas:
Today it's Honey Vanilla Chamomile (with extra honey 'cause I've got a sore throat)
Other favs:
Mandarin Orange Spice (not the same taste as Constant Comment cause it's an herb tea not a black tea, but still it's the only other "orange spice" tea I like)
Sweet Clementine Chamomile
Golden Honey Darjeeling (although I can never find this flavor in the store anymore)
Madagascar Vanilla Red

Out and about, my current favorite is the vanilla chai latte at Joffrey's. Yum. I just wish they had a better location. I'd go there a whole lot more often if they weren't out of my way. Why can't they have a space in the shopping center where I get my groceries, prescriptions, and pet stuff? Grr. It's one of life's little annoyances. ;)

I also like the tea at Teaism. Great place. Delicious tea. Problem is: I haven't been able to find a Teaism down here in Florida. I guess they are only in Washington, DC. Bummer for me.

Posted by Selena at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)

August 30, 2007

Quote of the Day: I learned...

"Some dreams weren't meant to come true. I learned that from you."

- from the song "I Learned That From You," by Sara Evans

(Well, I don't know if she wrote it. I just know she sang it.)

That song gets me every time.

Posted by Selena at 08:31 PM | Comments (0)

New Fav Lily Pic

Here my new favorite photo of granddaughter Lily:

Ain't she cute?

Posted by Selena at 11:55 AM | Comments (0)

August 29, 2007

Caught Up!

Can it be? Yes, it seems that I really am caught up on reading submissions. Woo-Hoo!

Of course, I know that as soon as I post this, another sub will appear in my inbox. And that's okay. I just like to be able to read them as they come in.

Until then I guess I should deal with some of those writing projects I've been avoiding. ;)

Posted by Selena at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

August 28, 2007

Quote of the Day: Failure

Here they are, from Ten Poems to Change Your Life by Roger Housden:

"Last night as I was sleeping,
I dreamt - marvelous error! -
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
From my old failures."
- Antonio Machado
Part of his poem “Last Night As I Was Sleeping”
(version by Robert Bly)

"Imagine the possibility that every single turn of events, however dark or disappointing the outcome, can in some circuitous way be the raw material for something that eventually surfaces with the sweetness of honey."
-Roger Housden

So, this is me, waiting for God to make sweet honeycombs out of all my failures.

Posted by Selena at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)

Must Do Better

I must do better.

Or give up, which is a strangely tempting option just now. Not a sane option, mind you, just a tempting one.

Despite medication, my blood pressure is still too high. Of course it doesn't help that lately I have not been watching my diet, or exercising like I know I should. Plus, my stress meter has been in the red for so long that I think the needle might be stuck. That can't be good for my blood pressure either.

So, Doc put me on stronger meds. Yippee. Just what I always wanted: Stronger meds. (That's sarcasm if you can't hear it on your monitor. ;) )

Why is it that having my meds increased feels like such a personal failure?

I don't know. I just know that I must do better.

In the meantime, I think today's quote is going to have to be about coping with failure. I've got to find that quote about honeycombs. Stay tuned.

Posted by Selena at 11:51 AM | Comments (0)

August 27, 2007

Noted on Today's Walk

Pretty, ain't it? Smelled good too.

Posted by Selena at 08:33 PM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2007

Quote of the Day: Rev Bem

"I have always believed the divine loves us best at the broken times."
- Rev Bem, in "Andromeda"

I think this was in one of the early seasons, because I don't think Rev Bem was around in the later seasons. He was one of my favorite characters though. A holy man struggling with his "beast" nature.

Posted by Selena at 07:30 PM | Comments (0)

Taking the Day Off + RS on GH

I am too tired and stressed to work. So I am taking the day off.

Well, not totally off since I did a little work this morning and I am baby watching from morning to night.

Still, I am in no condition to read anyone's submission right now. Trust me.

I did enjoy seeing Rick Springfield perform on "General Hospital" today though. That was cool! It would have been the highlight of my day, but instead that honor goes to receiving belated birthday presents from my best friend.

Not a bad day, but –MAN- I need some sleep! Until that can happen, I'll be listening to "Written in Rock: The Rick Springfield Anthology." :)

Posted by Selena at 05:39 PM | Comments (0)

August 21, 2007

Houseguests, Disney, etc.

I've been too busy to blog. Here's what's been going on.

I had houseguests in town for about a week. It was Mom plus a niece and nephew. We went to Disney World a couple days and that was very cool. My favs at DW: Space Mountain, Test Track, Soarin', Mickey's PhilharMagic. Also, love the Fast Pass option. If I had been smart, I would have begun each day by running around and getting fast passes for all the things I wanted to see/do. Ah well, maybe next time.

I also had two family events going on: my 40th birthday and my granddaughter's "baptism." (As a Baptist, I consider the ritual more of a dedication ceremony, but whatever. I think it's one of those things that good people of faith don't always agree on.) Both events went swimmingly. :)

Now all my houseguests are gone, and the house is much quieter. But at least now maybe I can get some work done. We'll see.

I'll try to post more pictures later, but here are a few of my favorites:

Mickey ears in the power lines as you approach the park:

The crocodile topiary:

How cool is that?

And one not from Disney. This is a lizard the kids found in the backyard. We have tons of lizards around the house. I just don't usually let them inside the patio where the cat can get to them.

Hope everyone is having a good mid-to-late August. :)

Posted by Selena at 05:31 PM | Comments (0)

August 11, 2007

New Column: "Tithing My Time"

My latest column is now available at TeenAge magazine.

You can check it out here.

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks.

Posted by Selena at 08:32 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2007

Getting Closer

Well, I am not caught up but I am getting closer.

Here is today's tally so far:
6 subs read (only 9 to go, yikes)
7 subs processed & responded to

It reminds me of that Billy Joel song "Getting Closer":
"And if I don't have this all worked out
Still I'm getting closer, getting closer
I still have far to go no doubt
But I'm getting closer, getting closer"

Actually, I like that album so much I think I'll listen to it now. ;)

Posted by Selena at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)

So Far Behind :(

I am so far behind that it seems impossible I will ever catch up with my to-do list. I don’t even know where to start. And the desire to just throw up my hands and give up is very, very strong.

Three days of baby-watching from morning to night (while baby’s momma worked double shifts) has really put a crimp in my productivity. Thankfully momma doesn’t have to work until tonight, so maybe grandma can get a little something done before taking over the baby-watching duties again. Maybe I can at least assess exactly how far behind on my editor duties I am. (I’m not even thinking about my writing to-do’s at this point.) Right now I only know that there are many submissions at both DKA and MindFlights that I haven’t even looked at. A clear picture would help. Then maybe I can figure out what to do first, and do that. Then what to do second, and do that. And so on.

But it won’t be easy because -- I’m so tired. And stressed. And all-around impaired.

I just have to take a deep breath, get a cup of tea, and do what I can do moment to moment. Eventually that will get me somewhere closer to caught up.

Posted by Selena at 11:02 AM | Comments (0)

August 04, 2007

Today's Tally = Life is Good

Well, it's my birthday month so things can't be all bad. In fact, things are actually pretty good. I had a long talk with an old friend, which was easily the highlight of my day. Plus, I think I actually have a handle now on how to fix my novel query. That's good, because clearly that query needed work.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Posted by Selena at 03:40 PM | Comments (0)

July 20, 2007

Today's Tally

Well, I didn't get as much accomplished today as I had hoped. I was tired and headachy, and that's not good for my productivity.

But at least I got those four chapters done. That's the main thing. And I walked for one hour. Gotta keep that blood pressure down.

Tomorrow, it's chapters 9-12.

But for now, there is just more baby-watching and then sleep. Gotta sleep.

Posted by Selena at 11:36 PM | Comments (0)

July 18, 2007

Lily as Londo

Since my granddaughter Lily was born, she has had tufts of hair on the back of her head. They tend to form two spikes, like horns.

It occurred to me today that she looks like she's been taking hairstyling lessons from Londo Mollari.

Lily:

Londo:

What do you think?

Posted by Selena at 06:33 PM | Comments (0)

July 17, 2007

After The Storm

We had a particularly rough thunderstorm this afternoon. Heavy rain. Thunder and lightning, a bit too close for comfort. There was even hail. It looked like God was making popcorn on the lawn.

But after the storm, there was the most amazing light. It was the purest, brightest sunlight I've ever seen.

I'm sure there is a lesson for me in there somewhere.

Posted by Selena at 09:21 PM | Comments (0)

July 11, 2007

Missing Posts Added

I added in the posts from when this blog interface was down. It's June 9 - 16, if you want to have a look in the June archives.

Posted by Selena at 10:20 AM | Comments (0)

July 09, 2007

Today's Tally

It's been a good day. I got a lot done, which always makes me feel good.

I read a couple submissions, walked one hour, and did a few other things on my to-do list. I'm especially excited that I finished and submitted a new column for Everyday Faith. (Don't know when it will appear though.)

That's progress. I've been getting so little writing done lately that accomplishing any writing at all is worthy of celebration.

It's not been my usual avoiding of the muse. Honest. It's just that my new granddaughter has been keeping me hopping. Seriously, anyone who tells you that taking care of an infant isn't a full-time job is either lying or clueless.

Here's wishing everyone a productive and happy week!

Posted by Selena at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)

July 01, 2007

Forty!

Man, I can't believe I'm going to be forty next month!

That's just wrong.

I feel so old. But mostly I feel like I should have accomplished more with my life by now.

Guess I better get to work.

Well, maybe a little nap first.

After all, I'm getting old and I need my rest. ;)

Posted by Selena at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)

June 27, 2007

Traveling Lessons and My Two-Show Day

I recently returned from another round of traveling. Here are a few things I learned on my trip:

1) In-car GPS with spoken, turn-by-turn directions is one of the MOST USEFUL technologies of all time. I didn't need it to get to and from Florida-home and DC-home, 'cause that's pretty much "Second star on the right, and straight on 'til morning," but it was very helpful for these other places I had to go to, none of which I actually knew how to get to:
a) a friend's house in Georgetown. (Although I was a little freaked out when I put in the address and the GPS told me it's a "restricted" road and I better follow the rules. :shock:)
b) Pearson's liquor store, to get a heaping lot of Angelini wine for the in-laws, whose name is Angelini. (Get it?)
c) Maryland Ensemble Theatre, where one of my best-est friends was playing the Evil Queen in Snow White. It was a hoot. No scenery was left unchewed. A good time was had by all. I seriously recommend stopping by the website to check out the picture of Evil Queen tempting Snow White with a poisoned apple.
[edited to add: Sorry, the show has closed so the picture is no longer there. :( ]
d) Toby's Dinner Theatre, where another friend was singing the part of the plant (Audrey II) in Little Shop of Horrors. Also a really fun time.

2) I make a whole lot better time when I am traveling solo. Sixteen hours, all in one day. That's the way to do it.

3) Just because a hotel room costs $200/night doesn't mean it won't smell funny. It also doesn't mean there will be free wireless Internet. (Come on, people! How can you call yourself a good hotel if you don't have free wireless Internet?)

4) Cracker Barrel still makes the best breakfast on the road. Hashbrown casserole. Yum.

Posted by Selena at 07:13 PM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2007

New Fav Pic of Lily

Here's my new favorite picture of grandbaby Lily.

I'm traveling now, so I have to get my baby-watching fix via video chat. It's nice but it's just not the same.

Posted by Selena at 08:46 PM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2007

Love in Separation

Maybe it's because last week I again left home (Washington, DC) to come home (Tampa, Florida), but I've been thinking a lot about love in separation.

Most of my friends and family are still back in Washington, yet I have chosen to move a thousand miles away from them. I don't regret my choice exactly, but I sure do miss my loved ones back in Washington. And much as I like Florida, it gets lonely sometimes here without them.

Thinking about being away from those I love made me realize that love in separation is a recurring theme in my writing. Just off the top of my head I can think of three stories where the "happy couple" end up apart. Still in love, just apart.

We can't always be with the people we love, but that doesn't mean that we love them any less or think about them any less. It's just not a perfect world and you can't have everything you want.

I guess I better start planning my next trip to Washington, DC to visit my nearest and dearest. That always helps.

Posted by Selena at 01:16 PM | Comments (0)

Too Busy to Blog/A Difficult Trip

Sorry, I've been to busy to blog. I went up to the Washington, DC area to pick up my daughter and granddaughter and drive with them down to Florida.

I guess I should known it was going to be a rough trip when it began with a really bumpy flight from Tampa. Maybe I've just been lucky in my air travel because I have never had turbulence like that before. It was like being on a small boat in choppy waters. But at least we didn't crash. We all arrived in DCA safe and sound.

The drive down was even more difficult. You haven't lived until you've spent 22 hours in a crowded car with a fussy infant. What is usually a 16-hour drive turned into two 11-hour days on the road. And I thought 16 hours with three cats in the car was rough! I can't adequately describe the level of euphoria we experienced when we finally arrived at our destination and were able to get that screaming baby out of the car. Whew.

It seemed like Miss Lily was mad for days afterward. She'll only just recently settled back into her usual "happy baby" self.

Now if I could just get back to my usual self. Then we'd all be happy.

Mostly I just gotta get back to work. Writing and editing, that always helps.

Posted by Selena at 09:51 AM | Comments (0)

June 01, 2007

Funny Lily

Just got this latest picture of my granddaughter Lily and it's so funny I had to share it.

What is she doing with her hands? Is that a "pee-ew" sign or an "okay" sign?

Whatever it is, it makes me laugh every time I look at it.

Posted by Selena at 08:20 PM | Comments (0)

May 08, 2007

8 random facts about me

Okay, so I have been tagged. (Thanks Pixy.) Let's see if I can do this right.

First, I'm supposed to list the rules. So here they are:
1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Now, my list of 8 random facts about me:

1) I just became a grandma and I'm not the only person amazed by how good I am with the baby. I am probably the least maternal woman on the face of the planet. My reputation as "not good with children" is legendary among my friends and family. But somehow Lily and I get along very well.

2) I talk to my cats like they are people.

3) I hate chain letters. I think that's why I haven't found the nerve to tag anyone else. It feels like such an imposition. Even though I enjoyed writing this.

4) I fear the cold. Guess it's a good thing I live in Florida now.

5) I don't eat meat, except for the occasional hamburger or meatloaf or sandwich meats. It's like I don't want any meat that looks like it actually came from an animal.

6) In college I studied both drama and computer science. Both camps couldn't understand how one person could be interested in both subjects. Each side would ask me how I could hang out with "those" people.

7) I used to do musical theatre. I even starred in a few musicals: "Man of the Mancha" (my favorite), "The Sound of Music," and "Cabaret." In community theatre and school productions of course, not professional.

8) I stopped singing in public after I sang at my grandfather's funeral and did a terrible job of it. I still can't hear "Amazing Grace" without tearing up at the memory.

Posted by Selena at 08:16 PM | Comments (0)

May 07, 2007

Baby Lily

I've been a bit AWOL but at least I have a good excuse. (Two excuses, actually. One happy, one sad.)

Here is excuse number #1. My very sweet, very beautiful, brand-new granddaughter Lily:

Excuse #2 is not so happy. It's the stomach flu that's been marring my last couple days. Hopefully the worst of that is over.

Posted by Selena at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

April 29, 2007

Freaking Out a Little

I'm freaking out a little because when I tested my blood pressure yesterday it was 160/114. I think the official, medical term for that is "much, much too high."

When the resting pressure is almost as high as the normal blood pressure….well, I'm no expert but that doesn't sound good to me.

Thankfully I just came across this verse on a ShoutLife Profile:

2Timothy 1:7 "God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind."

Thanks. I needed that.

Posted by Selena at 07:14 PM | Comments (0)

April 28, 2007

Craving Don Pablos

For the last couple days I have been craving Don Pablos like mad!

Problem is – tortilla chips, queso dip, and tacos aren't on my new heart-healthy, low-sodium diet.

So, instead it's another round of salad, whole grain toast, and an apple for dessert.

Bleh. It's just not the same.

Posted by Selena at 06:15 PM | Comments (0)

Postal Rate Change

What?!? Postal rates are going up AGAIN!

Effective May 14, a first-class letter will go up 2 cents, to 41 cents total. (I hate having to use all those 1 cent stamps during the transition. Don't you?)

Here's the breakdown of the new rates.

My next question is why did I find out about this from Duotrope's email newsletter on short fiction markets? While I appreciate the headsup from Duotrope, shouldn't I have heard about this from a more official source, i.e. someone other than a writing markets resource?

I really should start watching the news.

Posted by Selena at 07:24 AM | Comments (0)

April 20, 2007

Can't Sleep

For the second night in a row, sleep eludes me. So, after a couple hours of trying to fall asleep I have given up and decided to work instead.

I can hardly wait for the weekend so I can take a long afternoon nap. Funny how I never have trouble falling asleep in the middle of the day.

Posted by Selena at 12:02 AM | Comments (0)

April 17, 2007

Must Relax

"Three little birds sat on my window and they told me I don't need to worry."

That quote and the song it's from ought to be written on a prescription slip because it's a big part of my current treatment protocol.

You see, in addition to drastic diet changes, I also have to learn to relax and stop being such a perfectionist, worry-prone, type A personality. It's all part of the "Lower My Blood Pressure Before It Kills Me" Plan. I think this aspect of the lifestyle changes I have to make is going to be the hardest.

I've been trying to catch myself before I get worked up about things and say to myself, "Yeah, this is the sort of thing that would upset (or worry) me in the past, but I just can't afford to stress over it anymore. So, I am going to do what I can do then I am going to let go and trust God to work it out." I think I'm getting better at it. It takes practice like everything else. Long-ingrained habits are hard to break.

I also find that I am listening to my "Happy & Upbeat" Playlist over and over again. The quote above is from the top song on the list:

"Put Your Records On" by Corrine Bailey Rae

It is impossible to be in a bad mood while listening to that song! The song is "relaxed and happy" encapsulated into an easily transportable audio clip.

As a public service here is a sampling of my "Happy & Upbeat" playlist.

"Bad Day" by Daniel Powter
(I love that a song named "Bad Day" can be so uplifting.)

"Lover Come Up" by Josh Kelly
(from the soundtrack of "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" which includes several H&U songs. The movie is really good too.)

"Baby Girl" by Sugarland

"O What a Glorious Thing" by Akira The Don (also from the "Super Ex" soundtrack)

"Everything's Right" by Matt Wertz (also "Super Ex")

"Why Don't You & I" by Santana and Alex Band

"Streetcorner Symphony" by Rob Thomas

"Make It Happen" by Mariah Carey

"Love Love Love" by Tristan Prettyman ("Super Ex" strikes again!)

"The Joker" by Fatboy Slim (Also "Super Ex")

"Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina (classic 80's happy)

I used to have this quote on the wallpaper of my computer:

"Good morning. This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. So, you can just relax and enjoy the day."

Maybe it's time to put that quote back up.

Be happy, all. God really is in control. And that's a very safe place for us all to be.

Posted by Selena at 09:14 AM | Comments (0)

April 14, 2007

Getting Old Sucks

This week I was diagnosed with yet another health problem that requires drastic alteration in my diet. Bleh. Of course, it should be noted that if I had stuck with the "eat right" thing when it was first suggested to me years ago then this particular health thing might never have appeared. (Might have, might not. We'll never know. Diet's only one factor.) Ironically just recently someone suggested I eat healthier and my immediate (and thankfully unvoiced) thought was "Pshaw! Eating right is for sissies who want to live forever!" Problem is I do kind of want to live a really long time. There is so much I still want to do in this life.

I miss the days when I could just eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, however much of it I wanted and never gain weight or suffer any ill effects. But let's face it, those days are long gone. I am simply not that young anymore.

Over the last ten years of so, I have been diagnosed with what seems like one thing after another and ALL of them require drastic alteration in my diet. Okay, I'll admit freely that my diet is pretty bad to start with. I am all about the junk food and sweets. I only like a few fruits and vegetables. I eat tons of carbs and virtually no meat. So, really I shouldn't be surprised that I keep hearing "dietary changes" from my doctors.

I've improved my diet in the past, but I always slack off after the initial "problem" or whatever dies down. Unfortunately I may have to stick with this one.

I have to tell you though, grocery shopping this morning was just not as much fun as it used to be. I waved forlornly at my favorite aisles: the salty snacks, the frozen dinners. "I'll miss you, my darlings." Instead I spent an inordinate amount of time in the fresh produce section trying to make new friends.

Posted by Selena at 11:52 AM | Comments (0)

April 11, 2007

Quote of the Day

Today's quote is from a bumper sticker:

"You don't have to believe everything you think."

I'm no sure what to make of that exactly, but it speaks to me on some level.

Posted by Selena at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)

April 09, 2007

Angels in the Everyday

Another part of the Gethsemane sermon that stayed with me is how one passage mentions that an angel appeared to Jesus and strengthened him. The preacher spoke of how sometimes when we are going through our own Gethsemanes, angels appear to us in the form of people in our lives.

That happened to me today. I was walking around the neighborhood—getting some exercise, and thinking and praying about the problems of the day—when a couple women called out a friendly greeting as I approached.

I was stunned. I had actually stopped walking in the neighborhood because the people always seemed to look at me like I was a suspicious interloper and they were considering calling the police. My attempts to reach out to my neighbors had so far been met with indifference and suspicion. I've lived here in sunny Florida for just over six months now, and I still haven't made any friends here. Only very recently have I started experiencing the beginnings of possible friendships.

While I don't know if these neighbors and I will become friends, I am sure that their sudden presence in my life today is a sign from God that it'll be okay. I feel certain that they were the faces of angels in my everyday.

Posted by Selena at 11:47 AM | Comments (0)

April 04, 2007

Aargh!

I woke up this morning, synched my pda to my laptop then discovered that everything had disappeared from my Entourage. It is now as pristine as the day installed. No email, no contacts, no tasks, no notes, no nothing.

I am trying not to panic.

Posted by Selena at 07:38 AM | Comments (0)

April 03, 2007

Quotes From My Day So Far

Today it's the moments that keep catching my attention:

Like the rare, maternal moment when I voiced the desire to have my daughter and soon-to-be-born granddaughter close by so I could make sure they are okay. (They are currently 2,000 miles away and planning to stay there.) My husband was almost as shocked as I was to hear that maternal remark come out of my mouth. Of course it was followed by, "It's a good impulse, but maybe not a practical one."

The situation, as they say, is "complicated." My frustration showed in my next observation: "I have lots of dreams, that doesn't mean any of them are going to come true."

Then later, I was dealing with the phone company and voiced this all-purpose declaration:
"We'll just have to see how it plays out."

That's my life in a nutshell. I can plan and dream all I want, but things will still go however they are going to go.

Posted by Selena at 12:28 PM | Comments (0)

March 31, 2007

What People Think-Part 2, Some Answers

Okay, here is what Google had to say on the topic of how not to care about what people think of you.

WikiHow
Some good advice in there.

My agapic life
This blog post is great for its Dairy Queen story.

But my favorite so far is this quote from steelhamster at answerbag:

If people think of me, Im flattered, wether it be for good or ill... although lets face it, how could anyone say a bad word about me, I'm so wonderful ;-) Oscar Wilde said it best, "there is only one thing worse than people talking about you, its people not talking about you.

Steelhamster clearly has a handle on this thing! ;)

Posted by Selena at 09:38 PM | Comments (0)

What People Think

There is so much on my mind today that I don't know where to start or which one to blog about first. So, I guess I'll just pick one at random and go from there.

Topic #1: I have been thinking that I am entirely too concerned with what other people think of me.

Seriously, for the last week or so I have been noticing how much "what will people think" comes into play as I go about my daily life. A case in point: One of my cats has to take antibiotics twice a day for a little while. He is not keen on the idea and struggles like the dickens when I try to give him the medicine. I have to (try to) wrap him in a towel, pin him down with both of my legs while I pry open his mouth with one hand and squirt in the meds with the other. It's a real drama. Before I realized that I should throw on a heavy second layer of clothes before attempting the med-giving, the process resulted in a good many scratches on my legs and arms.

No big deal, right? Except that the next day I had an appointment with the dermatologist for a much overdue skin check. So, instead of being worried that one of my many moles, bumps, etc. may be skin cancer, what I obsessed about was what the doctor would think about all my scratches. How dumb is that? What? Am I afraid he's not going to believe the cat story? Why do I care? Looking back I hate to think of all the energy I spent worrying about a stranger's first impression of me.

As I thought about the topic I remembered how sometimes I won't tell certain people about a story I've had published because I am afraid something in the story will offend them. I'm afraid they will see me differently and not want to be around me anymore.

Occassionaly the censorship begins even before a story is published. Sometimes it prevents me from submitting it at all. Some stories never leave my hands because I am afraid of how people will react, afraid that someone somewhere will be offended or think badly of me.

It even comes into play on my blog. Recently I got a comment from someone at a business I had blogged about. They said they loved my comments about their business, but I was suspicious. After all, I didn't consider my musings about their business to be complimentary. So, I figured they were being sarcastic, that they were really angry and would demand I remove the post. It was a weird conversation because they were actually sincere in their interest and approval of my comments, while I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don’t know why or how I ended up so obsessed with other people's opinions of me, but I'm starting to think it is hampering my growth as a writer and person, and perhaps even damaging my health. (Don't get me started on the most recent tests of my blood pressure! That's a whole 'nother topic.)

Perhaps the most frustrating part is that I don't know how to fix it. How do you stop caring what people think of you? I don't know. (Well, maybe actually posting this is a step in the right direction.) I'm open to ideas and suggestions. Anyone know a good "cure" for my "condition?"

It's not that I want to be completely uncaring. I still agree with the value of reputation. I still want to keep my "good name." I just want to be a little less driven by what other people think of me.

I guess I need to start researching potential "cures." I'm off to Google for internet wisdom on this topic. (Love the Google.)

Posted by Selena at 08:23 PM | Comments (0)

March 17, 2007

Quote of the Day

"To whom much is given, much is expected."

That's the quote that's been hovering in my head all afternoon. It's from the Bible, right? I don't remember the exact quote. Guess I should look it up. I've also been thinking a lot about the parable of the talents.

I recently realized that I have been neglecting a lot of my editing responsibilities and writing projects in favor of my new part-time job. It wasn't a conscious choice I made. It's just that time devoted to a new thing means less time and energy available for the old things. In keeping up with the one, I've fallen behind on the others. And I don't think that's a good thing for me to do. I don’t want to neglect my DEP duties or my writing. They are important to me.

Maybe I just don't have the amount of energy I used to. I'm certainly not as young as I once was. It seems I can't accomplish as much in a day as I did when I was younger.

So, I've been thinking about what I should do, what I am willing to scale back on and what I'm not willing to let go of.

Posted by Selena at 08:25 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2007

Twenty is Tough

I was doing so well with my March challenge (of twenty submissions sent in March.) I worked on and sent out fifteen submissions between March 7th and 13th. But the last five are proving to be a lot tougher.

I'm now at the point where I'm writing new stories from scratch. That always takes longer than revising something I've already drafted.

But I did start a new story today. I think it's got promise but it’s really too soon to tell.

Complicating things is the fact that I've felt really tired and run-down the last couple days. It's been a struggle to get much of anything done. Maybe I'm fighting a cold or something.

Posted by Selena at 11:28 AM | Comments (0)

March 11, 2007

Today

It's been a good day. I managed to get up in time for church despite the time change, which always messes me up a little. Really, I can't be expected to get out of bed when it's still dark outside, right? It's not natural.

Plus, between working on and subbing a couple more stories I had a truly great nap. Man, I haven't slept that well in ages! (See, I even have trouble getting out of bed when it's light outside.)

The bad news is that I haven't been exercising at all except for the light standing, pacing, reaching, etc. of my new part-time job. That's not good. I'm going to try to go for a walk after this next story sub. It's important to exercise your heart on a regular basis. I got an all too dramatic reminder of that this weekend.

That's it for now. I gotta get back to work on submission #10 for March. (I'm trying for 20 subs sent by the end of the month.) Wish me luck. Thanks.

Posted by Selena at 03:29 PM | Comments (0)

March 08, 2007

What's Going On: Headache, Writing, and "Shrew"

Ugh! I have such a headache today. It's really impairing my ability to get things done.

The good news though is that I've been very productive the last few days. I've worked on and sent out two submissions so far this week. I had hoped to send out another one tonight, but right now I can hardly do laundry so I think polishing and submitting a story is out of the question.

Also in the good news column – I found out yesterday that a theatre back home is doing "The Taming of the Shrew" in the fall. It is my favorite Shakespeare play! Hard to believe, I know. Sure, "Shrew" is strongly patriarchal and misogynist. George Bernard Shaw even had these harsh words for the play:

"No man with any decency of feeling can sit it out in the company of a woman without being extremely ashamed of the lord-of-creation moral implied in the wager and the speech put into the woman's own mouth."

(I found that in the Cambridge University Press 1984 edition of "The Taming of the Shrew.")

But I learned to love the play when I was doing a project on it in college. I came to believe that it is possible to produce a feminist, even romantic, "Shrew." I haven't seen it done yet, but I'll still hoping.

That trip to DC that I was planning for August may have to be moved to September in order to make room for "The Taming of the Shrew."

Posted by Selena at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)

March 02, 2007

Too Busy to Blog

I've been too busy to blog. Sorry about that.

Here's what's been going on.

I took a part-time job, which is proving to be both fun and challenging. It's always good to learn new skills, as well as stay in practice with the ones you've got. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my editing jobs at DKA and SR, as well as my writing work. But all of that is very solitary and sedentary. I just wanted to add something more active and social back into the mix. It's actually been quite energizing. Plus, it's gotten me writing again. So, already this new job is a very good thing.

I've also gotten involved in a couple writing projects at church. Writing devotionals and that kind of thing. It’s been a lot of fun. I've met some great people. It's nice to hang out "live and in person" with fellow writers and editors.

Plus, there's finishing up the anthology, along with the usual DKA and SR duties.

I've only got one submission out right now. I better do something about that.

Posted by Selena at 09:51 AM | Comments (0)

February 20, 2007

Take the Wheel

Some days I don’t even know what to hope for. I find myself faced with a situation that could go one way or the other, and I honestly don't know which would be best.

Today is one of those days.

All I can say is "Jesus, take the wheel."

(Yes, that's a song by Carrie Underwood. It's been playing in my head all afternoon.)

Or, as I like to pray, "God, please grant me the wisdom to know the right road and the strength to walk it."

Here's hoping it plays out however God prefers.

Posted by Selena at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)

February 11, 2007

On Revival and Not Giving Up

I've been a bit discouraged lately. I've been thinking about setting writing aside and dialing down my other responsibilities so that I can get a job waiting tables.

Seriously.

It should be noted that I worked in a restaurant for more than six years and loved it. So the waiting tables thing doesn't completely come out of nowhere. But what I really think it's about is that with most jobs, like waiting tables, you know at the end of the day if you have done what you came to do. You get a paycheck. You complete the tasks set before you. You get feedback from your boss and/or customers. There is concrete evidence of your daily accomplishments, both little and big.

Writing doesn’t usually give you that. It's hard to know at the end of the day if the work you did was good. You rarely, if ever, get paid. Often there is no one setting tasks before you, no one encouraging you to keep going, no one showing you how and letting you know you're on the right track. No one, that is, except for you. And that can be hard. Being your own boss has its benefits but some days I long for someone to give me a list of easily defined tasks with measurable results. I don't even care if the tasks are difficult, as long as the tasks and results are quantifiable.

So, I prayed on it. And here is what I think God had to say.

When I went to church today, first, it was pointed out to me that there was a note in the bulletin calling for writers to work on a church project. That was sign one. Then the pastor spoke on revival. "Revive thy work in me." That spoke to me. I need to be revived.

Then I was watching "Heroes," which I have recently gotten hooked on. In one episode, they repeatedly showed a computer screen with the message: "Are you sure you want to quit? [Yes] or [No]." I kept willing the character to click "No."

I don't know what it all means. But there it is. I think deep down, I am not ready to give up. I think maybe that instead of quitting, I am to be revived.

Posted by Selena at 05:05 PM | Comments (2)

February 08, 2007

Too Busy to Blog: Houseguests, the Anthology, and More

I've been much too busy to blog, so here's what's been going on.

My mom and one of my aunts came to visit for a few days. Mom won at cards so often that we were convinced she was cheating. We just couldn't figure out how she was doing it.

We went to the beach one day, but it was so cold that we ended up sitting on the balcony under blankets.

After my houseguests left, I turned my attention to the upcoming DEP anthology, which I am editing. I've spent the last couple days pulling that together and sending out contracts. I love sending authors good news! It's a thrill because I know how exciting it is to get that sort of good news.

The anthology will cover fiction and poetry from DKA and SR. I'm really excited about the great work we're planning to include. Maybe once all the authors had responded I will post a list so you can know what you have to look forward to.

I also got my contributor's copy from The Literary Bone. It is a gorgeous, large-format, glossy-type magazine. Go ahead and buy one, you know you want to.

Plus, it's a great day because Entenmann's chocolate chip mini muffins are on sale at the store. Yippee! Just don't ask me how many of them I have eaten today 'cause I lost count hours ago.

Happy day, everyone!

Posted by Selena at 06:40 PM | Comments (0)

January 08, 2007

Chex Mix Epiphany

So, today I'm making Chex Mix,* cutting up the butter into small cubes (even though the recipe doesn't say to do so) because I know that the butter will melt faster that way, and it hits me that people are the same way – that when we are separated from each other, we melt down much faster. But if we're in a solid, connected block, we melt slow.

Huh.

Funny the thoughts that come to me when I'm cooking. Maybe I should cook more often. ;)

*Yeah sure, I know you can buy Chex Mix pre-made in a bag. But it's even yummier homemade. And if you can get it while it's warm and toasty, straight from the oven – that is the best!

Posted by Selena at 03:02 PM | Comments (0)

December 23, 2006

Madeline Loves Christmas

Like another cat I used to know, Madeline loves the Christmas tree. Now that there are more presents under the tree - the better to climb on you see – she has taken to getting up into the tree.

Here are a couple pictures, one in the tree and one under the tree among the presents.

Posted by Selena at 10:13 AM | Comments (0)

December 18, 2006

Radical Non-Consumption

I came across this fascinating article today about a group of people who have vowed not to buy anything new for a year, with very few exceptions.

"Nothing New Here – and That's the Point"

It's an interesting counter-point to the rampant consumerism in our culture, especially during in the holiday season.

One person put the "don't buy" approach this way: "we're simply trying to bring less . . . into our house."

I like that. As someone who moved recently, I am all too aware of the amount of stuff we tend to accumulate. I don't think I have the dedication and strength of will for the "buy nothing new" plan, but I am at least going to try to buy less.

Truth is, I already buy less than most people. Most of my buying splurges are on dining out, which is allowed on the "buy nothing new" plan since it is food. But I could afford to cut back more. Just getting all my books at the library would help a lot. I have long since run out of space on my bookshelf. (Newer books are stacked in my closet next to T-shirts and sweaters. It's sad, I know.)

The article reminds me of a scifi book and movie, I think it is "Brave New World," where the workers constantly hear exhortations to buy. I wish I could remember the catch phrases that played repeatedly on the speakers, but they all boiled down to things like "Newer is Better," and "Don't mend, spend."

Does anyone remember the book/movie I'm talking about?

Let's see if I can get through today without buying anything.

Posted by Selena at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)

December 14, 2006

What Church Should Be

I can’t sleep. In my insomniac web wanderings, I came across this website that has a great vision of what church should be. (Scroll down to the bottom of the linked page.)

My favorite quotes from the page:

Church should be a place where God's people are sensitive and responsive to the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of people. (Ephesians 4:29)

Church should be a place where God's priorities take precedence. (Matthew 22:36-40, 28:18-20)

I couldn’t agree more.

Posted by Selena at 12:32 AM | Comments (0)

December 10, 2006

The "One Year to Live" Mindset

I've been re-watching old "Studio 60" episodes and I've been thinking a lot about one moment: Jordan admitting that when she took the job she decided she would approach it as if she only had one year to live.

Maybe that's what I need to do. Maybe that is the kick in the butt my work life needs.

I know however that I can't apply the "one year to live" mindset to the rest of my life, because then I would just eat whatever sweets and junk food I wanted, with wanton disregard for my long-term health.

But it might be a useful approach to my writing life. It might keep me working when I feel discouraged, keep me focused when I really just want to lay around and watch TV. It might help me shake off the inevitable setbacks.

And writing has a lot of setbacks. Just this month, I have received three declines so far. I got them all in the first week of the month even. Three declines in eight days – that can't be good.

But my husband reminded me that this time last month I had just finished writing 50,000 words in one week. So that's something.

Also on today's plus side:
1) I tried out Sunday School at the new church I've been attending. (They call it Bible Fellowship, but whatever.) It went okay. I think I'll go back next week.

2) We had pizza for dinner and I managed to stop at two slices and one breadstick. That's impressive for me.

I keep trying to focus on this scripture from today's lesson:
"…God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (Philippians 1:6)

God has begun something good in my life; I just need to get out of His way and let Him get on with it.

Posted by Selena at 09:02 PM | Comments (0)

November 25, 2006

Latest Column: "The Trinity is Not So Tough"

My latest column is up if you want to check it out:

"The Trinity Is Not That Tough"

It's about understanding the concept of the Trinity.

Posted by Selena at 08:24 AM | Comments (0)

November 11, 2006

Today's Non-Nano Tally

I didn’t get back to Nano today, but I did manage to get a little writing done. I drafted a new column and jotted down ideas for another one. It seems like I have been putting those tasks off forever.

Speaking of putting tasks off forever, I finally unpacked the last two boxes that I had stashed in my closet. It's a good feeling to finally have everything unpacked from the move.

Posted by Selena at 08:47 PM | Comments (0)

October 26, 2006

Disturbing Dream

I dreamed last night that airlines started requiring you to list what church you attended regularly before they would let you fly. Presumably it also had to be a church they approved of.

Creepy.

On the plus side, I think there is a story in there. As long as it's a fictional one, not a prescient one.

Posted by Selena at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)

October 21, 2006

Quote of the day: "Wait for the Wheel"

That's from an episode of "Farscape," one of my favorite episodes actually. I happened across the latter half of the episode today as I was flipping channels.

I've been thinking that I'm almost ready to start writing again in earnest. (Which is a good thing because NaNo is only a couple weeks away!)

As if that wasn't a clear enough message, when I picked up my Writer's Book of Days to get a writing prompt for practice it opened to the article called "Writing Cycles – To Every Thing There Is a Season."

I think I just need to stop feeling guilty for all I haven't been getting done lately, and move on. Maybe it's that crazy old law of inertia -- something about an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Maybe that applies to writers too because the longer I don't write, the more I feel like a loser and hack, and the harder it is to convince myself to start writing again.

Actually, I think I read something similar today. Oh, yeah, it was an entry in PamL's blog at SR. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

So, the wheel has turned. It's time to get back to work, to break the cycle of lethargy and doubt, and start getting words down on paper again. Wish me luck.

Posted by Selena at 06:26 PM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2006

Scenes from a Move: Scene #2: Phillip and Molly

Though not technically from the move itself, here are some scenes from my new view.

These two birds (I think they are cranes) frequent our backyard. My husband has named them Phillip and Molly. They spent most of this afternoon just outside our back door. In fact, I am watching them now as I type.

Today's other move-related scene was not so charming. It was waiting an hour at the DMV only to find out we didn't have the necessary paperwork with us. Grrr. Gotta go back another day. And this time, I am going to remember to bring a book!

Posted by Selena at 06:11 PM | Comments (0)

October 17, 2006

Birds of a Feather

For today's good non-fiction reading, check out this article from The Washington Post:

"Why Everyone You Know Thinks the Same as You"

My favorite part:

"I often hear people say with absolute certainty that whoever they are in favor of is obviously going to do well because they haven't talked to 'anyone' who supports the other person" in the election, said Lynn Smith-Lovin, a Duke University sociologist who has studied homophily. She rolled her eyes and said, "Oh yeah, sure! That is a good argument."

That's hilarious! And so ridiculously true.

Making mental note to seek out more people who aren't like me…

Posted by Selena at 05:20 PM | Comments (0)

New Column: Why Go to Church?

My latest column is now available at The Sword Review.

"Why Go to Church?"

I was asking myself that same question again last Sunday as I tried out a new church (in my new neighborhood). I almost left several times.

The experience, especially the beginning, was so stressful that I was in tears. The church is much bigger than I am used to. Just getting in the parking lot and finding the appropriate place to park was a nerve-wracking traffic jam. Even once inside, the church and service were so loud and crowded and busy that it was overwhelming.

But there among the flash and the noise and the crush of many strangers was the still, small voice of God. So, it was okay.

Posted by Selena at 08:59 AM | Comments (0)

October 12, 2006

Scenes from a Move: Scene #1: A Ducky Welcome

I recently moved from my much-beloved Washington, DC metropolitan area, where I had lived since the third grade, to a suburban town in sunny Florida. Moving a thousand miles is always going to be a bit of a drama, but this one was complicated by the three much-beloved cats who were moving with me. Suffice it to say, they did NOT like that 16-hour drive!

But it wasn't all bad. Here is my favorite scene from the big move...

When I finally arrived at my new home, got the cats out of their carriers and settled in the house, I went back out to the garage to start unloading the car. That's when I noticed the string of ducks coming across the lawn towards the driveway. A large, white duck led the way, followed by three smaller brown ducks. (Mallards, I think. What do I know?)

They turned up the driveway and came right up into the garage as if to say "Hello, welcome to the neighborhood." A few quack quacks. A little pattering around in circles in the garage. Then they headed right back down the driveway and on to their next appointment.

Shortly after, I noticed the couple "gifts" they had left behind in the garage. Well, what do you expect from ducks? Besides, I didn't mind the little bit of cleanup. Their visit was well worth it.

Posted by Selena at 07:23 PM | Comments (0)

Noted on Today's Walk

A sign that said:

"Does your dog get out more than you?"

I laughed.

It was an ad for a pet fence company. But still kind of funny.

Posted by Selena at 07:03 PM | Comments (0)

October 10, 2006

Today's Tally

Finally, the big move is done and I can spend my time editing instead of packing, then unpacking, boxes.

Today was a good day work-wise.

This is what I accomplished:
Proofed a story for SR
Read 4 DKA subs
Read 2 SR subs
Responded re: 3 DKA subs
Published and promoted a story for DKA.

It was a full, eight-hour workday. But I got a lot done so I feel good about it.

Trouble is…I'm still not caught up.

Posted by Selena at 07:48 PM | Comments (0)

Noted on Today's Walk

...a bumpersticker that says

"Real Men Love Jesus"

Posted by Selena at 07:01 PM | Comments (0)

September 30, 2006

Good Reading: "Returning Humanity to the Fast-Food Counter"

Check out this great column at Sword Review!

Returning Humanity to the Fast-Food Counter

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I did however feel the need to add comments of my own in the forums thread on this topic. I couldn't help it; it's a topic close to my heart.

Have a good day, everyone!

Posted by Selena at 07:40 AM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2006

Today's Good Reading-Apologies and Insanity

Here are a couple articles that I enjoyed today. One is serious and interesting. The other is hilarious…and interesting.

Apologies Accepted? It Depends on the Offense
From The Washington Post

How to Act Insane
From WikiHow
I particularly like the warnings, like NEVER appear dangerous to yourself or others. This article had me laughing out loud. It also reminded me of this time when I was in an acting class and someone asked the brilliant and brave question: "How do you get over the fear of looking stupid?" The teacher recommended acting a little crazy in public places. Harmless crazy, of course. Don't forget those important warnings.

Posted by Selena at 07:57 AM | Comments (0)

September 24, 2006

Today's Tally

I didn't get much done today. But I did manage to accomplish a writing practice and go to church, so the day wasn't a total waste. Also, I did some work I had been putting off.

I am slowly learning to do rather than avoid. So often when I hear that still, small voice prompting me to do something I know I should do, I just ignore it. I tell myself that I'm too tired or I don't feel like doing that right now. But it's all excuses. I'm starting to realize that life will go so much better for me if when I hear that voice, I just go ahead and do what I know I should do.

Today also held a nice surprise for me. A perpetually busy friend suddenly had a little bit of time available. So we went to brunch. It was wonderful.

All in all, a very good day.

Posted by Selena at 09:50 PM | Comments (0)

September 21, 2006

Studio 60 and "the real deal"

My new favorite TV show is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

That doesn't surprise me really since I am a HUGE fan of Aaron Sorkin's. (Loved "Sports Night," loved "West Wing.") He is a brilliant writer. I wish I could write like that.

The show so far is very good. I love that it's so intelligent, and willing to take risks and tackle the tough topics. It's edgy, but not just for the purpose of being edgy.

The pilot deals with how art/entertainment is being strangled by the fear of offending people. It's a worthy topic. When did we get so afraid of offending people that we decided it best not to even bring up certain topics? And what on earth makes us think that hiding is the best approach to dealing with the tough stuff?

I admit I'm a little guilty of that myself, being somewhat conflict adverse. I know that sometimes I hide my opinion on things because I don’t want to get into an argument. But deep down, I know that hiding from each other just perpetuates prejudice. It keeps us separate from each other. It encourages divisiveness. It keeps us in our separate camps thinking we have nothing in common with "those people." It doesn't solve any problems; it just avoids them.

So, I'm glad to see a TV show that is willing to tell it like it is, even when that means pointing the accusing finger at the hand that feeds it. I'm glad to see a show try to grapple with big issues. I hope it’s not just a one-time thing. I hope "Studio 60" is "the real deal."

Which brings me to my favorite line from the pilot episode: Danny says of Jordan, "What if she's for real?" It reminded me of that episode of "West Wing" where Josh hears then-candidate Bartlett speak and realizes that Bartlett is "the real deal." That moment convinces both Josh and Sam to quit their current jobs and join Bartlett's campaign.

The scene always makes me wonder what exactly we mean when we say someone is "for real" or "the real deal." Whatever it is, it's a powerful thing and we know it when we see it. I think it means someone is who they say they are, that they believe in something and are willing to follow it through, to make the tough calls and do the hard work. I think it means they believe in what they are doing and are there for something more than a paycheck.

People gravitate to those kind of folks. Belief and integrity still inspire us, I think. We all want to believe we are part of something bigger, have a greater calling than just getting through the day. People who are "the real deal" give us that feeling. They also tend to bring out "the real deal" in us.

Posted by Selena at 02:05 PM | Comments (0)

Must Stop Chocolate

It's a stressful time, but I realized this morning that I am making it worse by self-medicating with chocolate. While sweets seem like a great stress-reducer in the moment, they really are NOT.

I have the headache to prove it. It's so bad that I feel barely conscious, like most of my brain has shut down for repairs—which, actually, I guess it kind of did.

I tried a nap, but it didn't work. Between the kitten who wanted to play and the people jackhammering outside my window, there was no peace and quiet to be had.

Still, I'm feeling a little better. I was able to compose this. So I guess some of my brain function has returned.

Now the plan is a healthy lunch and some tea. Then we'll see how the day goes from here.

Edited to add: Oh great, now they've turned the water off. I guess I should have expected that since they are clearly working on the water pipes out there. Hopefully it won't be for long. Good thing I have all that water chilling in the fridge.

Posted by Selena at 01:09 PM | Comments (0)

September 18, 2006

Not Sleeping

I was so tired that I went to bed early. But after two hours of not being able to fall asleep, I gave up. I figured that if I was going to be awake, I might as well get up and get some work done.

I've been working for over an hour and I'm still not sleepy.

Grrr.

What can I say? It's a stressful time. There is plenty to lose sleep over.

But at least all the driving I had to do today went fine. It was a lot of driving, about three hours worth. That's a lot for someone like me who drives maybe once a year.

I was really nervous about it, but it turned out fine. No car accidents. Not even any trouble finding parking spaces at the stops on my journey. Just a little getting…well, not lost, but off my directions. I managed to find my way back to the roads I knew and get back on track though.

So, thank God for a good driving day!

Posted by Selena at 12:13 AM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2006

Quotes of the Day/More MercyMe

I am really enjoying that MercyMe CD: "Coming Up To Breathe" by MercyMe.

Some of my favorite parts seem to be improvised bits at the ends of songs, like this at the end of "No More No Less:"

"I hope you stare just long enough to see
The heart that's beating here inside of me
Beyond all of the things you may think you know
I'm just a kid trying to make it home that's it
No more no less
Lord I want to go home
Nothing more nothing less
I just wanna go home
Nothing more nothing less
Oh there's no place like home
Nothing more nothing less
I just wanna go home
Nothing more nothing less"

I love that part.

Half of that isn't even in the printed lyrics.

Then there's this brilliant chorus from "Bring the Rain:"

"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus bring the rain."

Then the end of the song is a wonderful, extended riff on this line:
"Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty"

Posted by Selena at 02:25 PM | Comments (0)

September 13, 2006

Meet Madeline

There is a new cat in my life. She is a three-month-old kitten named Madeline.

We adopted her a few weeks ago. She was sick for a little while with an upper respiratory infection she caught in the shelter before we took her in. One of my other cats got sick shortly after but with a gastrointestinal virus. The only cat that wasn't sick was the diabetic one. He was also the only one who didn't fight taking his meds. For a while there, "med and meal" time was a drama of eight different treatments for three different cats. What an ordeal! When I write my autobiography that will be the chapter called "My Life as a Veterinary Nurse."

Thankfully both of the sick kitties are better now. That of course means Madeline is now acting like the kitten she is -- running around the house, climbing on any and every piece of furniture, and constantly getting into trouble. Which is as it should be. I just wish I could break her of the habit of running across my keyboard on her way to the next exciting adventure.

The shelter called her breed "domestic medium hair," but she looks exotic to me. She has a really unusual face, and watch out for those ear tufts! (Who knew a cat could have such long ear hair?!)

Here's her picture so you can see for yourself:

Posted by Selena at 12:31 PM | Comments (0)

August 26, 2006

Spam Still Out of Control

The spam is still out of control on my SR and DKA blogs, despite my best efforts to stop it. So I finally had to make those blogs available only to registered users of those sites. Hopefully that will help. If not, I’ll have to limit access to friends only. That would be sad.

Posted by Selena at 09:58 PM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2006

Pluto Demoted

Apparently Pluto is no longer a planet.

Yep that’s right. Check out this article in The Washington Post.

Our solar system now has only eight planets. Think of all the textbooks that will have to be rewritten.

Poor Pluto.

Posted by Selena at 06:28 PM | Comments (2)

August 17, 2006

New Column Published: "Come As You Are"

My latest column is up. It’s called “Come As You Are.”

I hope you like it.

Posted by Selena at 05:20 PM | Comments (0)

August 16, 2006

“Play Through the Pain”

I just watched the movie “Wimbledon” for the second time. I don’t even like tennis. But I love this movie. I’m a sucker for stories where people accomplish the impossible.

This time around what struck me most was the line: “Play through the pain.” Our hero has injured his back but has to continue the match. It’s standard athlete stuff. But in my head, it was about writing.

Being a writer is full of pain. There is frequent rejection. (I got another decline just today. That’s four so far this month.) There is also doubt, criticism, fear, and discouragement.

I have to learn to play through the pain or, in my case, write through the pain. Otherwise, I’ll never get back to the good stuff writing has to offer—the rush of a new idea, the exhilaration of hitting upon just the right string of words, the thrill of a yes, and of course the joy of seeing my work in print.

So, play through the pain. That’s the plan.

Posted by Selena at 10:11 PM | Comments (0)

August 15, 2006

Cooking Mood

I have cooked dinner two nights in a row.

If this carries on much longer, my family will wonder if I have been abducted by aliens and replaced by an ill-informed clone.

Posted by Selena at 08:15 PM | Comments (0)

August 13, 2006

The Devil’s Plan: The Five D’s

My mom got me a new Bible for my birthday. It’s a “Life Application Study Bible,” a “New Living Translation.” It looks cool, but it has so many notes and graphs and sidebars that you can hardly tell where the actual Bible verses are.

I was flipping through and found this sidebar that particularly spoke to me:

---------------------------------------------------------------
Satan’s Plan Against Us

Doubt – Makes you question God’s Word and his goodness

Discouragement – Makes you look at your problems rather than at God

Diversion – Makes the wrong things seems attractive so that you will want them more than the right things

Defeat – Makes you feel like a failure so that you don’t even try

Delay – Makes you put off doing something so that it never gets done

---------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, I am well acquainted with all of those, but especially with 2, 4 and 5.

Posted by Selena at 05:17 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2006

Missing Kathryn

Yesterday I had three cats. Now I have only two. That makes for a very bad day.

This morning started like any other. I got up at 7 am. The two cats who sleep in the bedroom followed me downstairs for breakfast. The one cat who had long since become too feeble to make it up the stairs was on the couch as usual. I picked her up and brought her into the kitchen like I do every morning.

Only this time, once I set her on the floor she went into convulsions and began foaming at the mouth. Then she was suddenly very still. We rushed her to the vet’s but she was already gone.

Poor Kathryn had been in such ill health for so long, you would think I’d be better prepared to lose her. But I’m not. It all happened so fast. She seemed normal, then five minutes later she was gone.

People have always said I was too attached to my cats. It’s probably true. But I can’t help it. And even today I wouldn’t change it.

I know that she’s in a better place and that she isn’t suffering, that she’s probably running around in heaven like she did when she was a kitten. But I still miss her. Several times today I thought I heard her meowing from another part of the house. It’s weird.

If any of you read my “Meeting of the Mages,” this was the fat, white cat who inspired that story.

Posted by Selena at 05:26 PM | Comments (2)

August 07, 2006

Noted on Today’s Walk

Today I saw a T-shirt that said:

Got Books?

Reading is the key to All Learning

I agree with the sentiment. I just have one question: why is “All Learning” capitalized?

Posted by Selena at 10:36 AM | Comments (0)

August 01, 2006

Home Again

I got back today from a several day trip to Memphis for a family reunion. I had a great time. It’s always nice to visit with family, especially those you don’t see very often.

It was a restful vacation. I hardly did any work, except catching up on some reading. I read Writing to Change the World from cover to cover. It was really good.

I enjoyed my trip but I am very glad to be home now. When I was younger I loved to travel, but now I don’t like to be away from home for more than a few days. When I’m away I miss my husband, my cats, my own bed, my usual routine. That’s boring perhaps, but there it is.

Part of being home is getting back to work, and I’m doing that slowly. I hope to be able to get back into the thick of things tomorrow and start being productive again—writing a lot, getting things done, sending out submissions. I’ve really been slacking off and that must stop.

I’m nearly forty. It’s not like I have all that much time left in which to accomplish my dreams. I better get to it.

Posted by Selena at 09:40 PM | Comments (0)

July 25, 2006

Too Tired

I am so out of it this morning that everything is taking me twice as long to accomplish as usual. I managed to publish Mir’s poem. (FINALLY! It took me forever.) I sure hope I did it right and there aren’t any typos in my announcement. (If so, please let me know.)

Now I better go check on the diabetic cat ‘cause I was pretty asleep when I gave him his shot this morning. I was totally on auto-pilot. By the time I noticed what I was doing, I had already done it.

Note to self: caffeine first, then meds.

In fact, I think I need a second cup of tea before I tackle anything else.

Edited to add: Kitty is fine. He's alert, responsive, normal. Unlike me. ;)

Posted by Selena at 08:28 AM | Comments (0)

July 24, 2006

What's Going On

What’s going on? Sadly, not much.

I’ve been a bit under the weather lately, so my productivity has plummeted, especially where writing is concerned. I have managed to get caught up on reading submissions though, in a couple bursts of energy today and Saturday. But that’s pretty much all I’ve accomplished work-wise.

However, I have gotten other stuff done. I took one of my cats to the vet and found that she had conjunctivitis in both eyes like I thought she did. (She’s had it before. I still have no idea how she gets these things since all she does is lay around the house all day.) So, it’s antibiotic goo in both eyes twice a day. Giving cats medication is always a good time. (Not.)

I’ve been avoiding the muse; I’ve hardly written anything in the last few days. Bad, I know.

I’m also eating all kinds of wrong. Lately it’s been anything with caramel in it. And if it has chocolate too, that’s even better.

On the plus side, I’ve started swimming again. That’s partly due to my dad who keeps saying things like, “I sure wish you’d start swimming again. It’s such good exercise.” Yes, I know. It really is; it works the heart without straining the joints. Turns out that there is a YMCA just a fifteen-minute walk from my house, AND it turns out that they have a pool! I am ashamed to tell you how many years I lived here before I figured that out. Despite my slacker slump, I’ve managed to swim everyday since I joined. That’s three days and counting for anyone who’s keeping score.

More on the plus side: I watched the pilot of “Eureka.” It was pretty good. And I’ve been reading a lot of Traveling Mercies, which is just one great moment after another.

Tomorrow I may attempt a writing practice. But I don’t want to rush into anything. ;) And right now, I'm tired. I think it's gotta be bedtime.

Posted by Selena at 09:14 PM | Comments (0)

July 20, 2006

New Column: "Staying in Practice"

My latest column is up at The Sword Review. You can check it out here.

Some people have already posted comments about it, which is nice.

Posted by Selena at 07:34 AM | Comments (0)

July 09, 2006

Today’s Lessons

Today brought forth such an odd confluence of events that I can’t help but see a divine hand in it.

First the pastor preached on the dangers of being led by our egos. I don’t think of myself as an attention hound, but over the years I have come to face the fact that I, like everyone, have a strong need to be approved of–to be thought intelligent, talented, and good. While I don’t enjoy being the center of attention, I do long for positive feedback and sometimes feel hurt when it doesn’t unfold as I imagine.

The pastor acknowledged our human desire to feel special and valued but reminded us that we are already children of God and as such are already special and valued beyond measure. We truly have no need to reach for attention or strive for personal glory. Instead we can be secure and confident in our honored place as one of God’s chosen.

It was a powerful reminder to me.

But school wasn’t out for the day.

At lunch, a friend of my mother’s talked about “The Purpose Driven Life,” and about how instead of looking for our purpose in life we should seek God’s purpose for our life.

I didn’t think a lot about it until later when it reminded me of my favorite episode of “West Wing.” “Two Cathedrals” is the episode where President Bartlett holds a press conference and is expected to announce that he is not going to run for reelection. However, in the end he just puts his hands in his pockets, looks away and smiles – and we know it means he is going to run again. Moreover, it always seems to me that Bartlett changes his mind and decides to run because he realizes God wants him to. He doesn’t run for reelection out of ego; he does it because he realizes that he still has good work to do in the White House, work that God has called him to do.

The whole episode is great, but the last part of it stands out as some of the best television I’ve ever seen. An out-of-season tropical storm has made its way up to Washington, the portico door of the Oval Office keeps swinging open of its own accord, and President Bartlett has an imaginary conversation with his recently deceased secretary who tells him:

“You know, if you don’t want to run again, I respect that. But if you don’t run because you think it’s gonna be too hard or you think you’re gonna lose--well, God, Jed, I don’t even want to know you.”

That quote always reminds me that “because it’s difficult” and “because I might fail” are not valid reasons for setting aside a task, especially not if it’s something God has called me to do.

Today held so many lessons for me. And I am grateful. It was a very good day.

Posted by Selena at 08:12 PM | Comments (0)

July 08, 2006

Noted on Today’s Walk: Starbuck’s

On this morning’s walk, I passed one of the SEVERAL Starbuck’s in the neighborhood. As I approached, I noticed about six people waiting out in front of the doors.

That’s weird, I thought, it’s late, surely the Starbuck’s is open by now. Then I noticed the mob of people waiting inside and realized—the line at Starbuck’s was so long it had spilled out onto the sidewalk.

Wow.

Posted by Selena at 10:34 AM | Comments (0)

July 07, 2006

Today’s Tally

I’ve had a very productive day so far, which is good because I haven’t had many of those lately. (I’m such a slacker!)

I spent several hours this morning proofing the next print edition of The Sword Review. It was fun, especially because I missed most of the submissions while they were under consideration. (Guess I was really busy or something.)

I also managed to get in a writing practice that thankfully turned into something for the book I’ve been struggling with. My goal for the week is to FINALLY get that stupid novel up to 80,000 words. I’ve only got a couple thousand to go, so it’s technically do-able. (Then of course the next, much harder, goal is to make it good.)

Now, if only I could get caught up on reading DKA subs. I should read one today but after all that proofing I don’t think my eyes can take any more reading.

I’m been doing really well with the whole diet and exercise thing lately. I hope that when I have my cholesterol checked next week, the numbers will be especially good and Doc will say “Wow, you’re doing great. Have you been doing anything different?” Well, yes, actually I have.

All that eating right must be getting to me though because today all I really want out of life is a bag of Pepper Jack Doritoes. Ah, the yummy badness. The spicy kick. The delightful crunch. It’s so clear in my memory.

I keep telling myself that I can’t have any Doritoes because I don’t have the cash and there is no store in the area that sells them anyway. Of course the truth is I have a couple bucks and there’s a 7-11 just up the street. But no! Doritoes are extinct! I am sure of it! They don’t even make them anymore!

Clearly, I need help.

In the meantime, I am trying to focus on the spaghetti with peas and parmesan that I am planning to have for dinner. It’s also quite delicious. And not nearly as bad for me.

Posted by Selena at 05:38 PM | Comments (0)

July 06, 2006

Noted on Today’s Walk: School of Fame

I walk past the School of Fame sign almost every day. And each time, I think, “What? Fame is its own vocation now?”

Seriously when did fame itself become something people aspire to? How did it become something you can go to school for, a skill to be taught and learned?

I can understand wanting to be an actor, maybe even a famous actor. But to just want to be famous?

Further down the sign it does list acting, singing, dancing, and modeling. But it seems that they are secondary, that the real goal is fame, that acting, singing, etc., are just ways to get there.

Clearly, I just don’t get it.

Posted by Selena at 04:19 PM | Comments (0)

July 04, 2006

Osmosis – Now in Print Edition

The print edition of Haruah’s first issue is now available at Lulu.com.

That issue includes my essay “Osmosis.”

Click here to order your copy.

Posted by Selena at 05:45 PM | Comments (0)

July the Fourth

Maybe it’s un-American of me, but it’s July the Fourth and I have no plans to go to the beach, attend a picnic or cookout, or watch fireworks.

It’s not that I am opposed to the July 4th holiday. It’s just that I’m not really big on holidays to begin with. The only one I celebrate with any consistency is Christmas.

Maybe it comes from spending most of my adult life working in places that were open on holidays. Maybe that’s why most holidays feel like just another day to me. Sure, a lot of people who would normally be working aren’t, but other than that a holiday is pretty much business as usual in my world.

So, my only real celebration of today’s holiday is to wish you all a happy July 4th, however you intend to spend it.

Posted by Selena at 05:37 PM | Comments (0)

July 02, 2006

Latest Column: "Calm Mind"

My latest column, “Calm Mind,” is up at Sword Review.

Pop on over and check it out.

Thanks.

Posted by Selena at 07:41 AM | Comments (0)

June 26, 2006

Noted on Today’s Walk

I walk around the neighborhood once, often twice, a day and there is always something interesting to see.

Today it was a trash truck with the name “Something and Something Refuge” painted on the side.

I had to laugh because I’m pretty sure the owner meant refuse, not refuge.

I could be wrong, I guess. Maybe Something and Something have taken refuge in the trash collection business. What do I know?!

Anyway, it cracked me up for several blocks.

Posted by Selena at 04:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 18, 2006

New Column Up: "Negative Talk"

My latest column, “Negative Talk,” is up at The Sword Review.

Check it out!

Posted by Selena at 07:03 PM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2006

Really Good Day

It was a particularly great day!

I heard from a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while. That’s always nice. We even made a lunch date for next week so we can do some more catching up.

I also got a yes from Long Story Short. They accepted a flash story of mine called “Autofill” for their August issue. The story should be up on their site on August 7th. But it looks like you can also sign up for their newsletter to get each month’s issue in your email box.

Of course, I will also let you know when it is published.

Plus, I went out to dinner and watched some Farscape. That's two of my favorite things.

All in all, a very good day.

Posted by Selena at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2006

The Tea House

I just got back from a few days in Delaware with my mom. We stayed with a friend of hers and had a great time.

My favorite part of the weekend was having lunch at the Victorian Lady Tea House. It was very cool.

It’s this lovely, little Victorian house. The dining room has a rack of hats and boas that the guests are encouraged to wear as they take their tea. We each tried on hats, but I was the only one (at our table, anyway) who wore a hat during lunch. I had the sense to choose a more practical hat, a cream-colored one with a short brim and a flower. The other ladies had chosen huge, pink, floppy hats with netting. So that didn’t last long.

We got the Queen’s Tea, which is the top of the line. It started with a pot of tea for each of us. I chose the Eye of the Tibetan Tiger. It was so yummy, I ended up sharing it so everyone could have a taste. It’s a black tea with chocolate and other flavors.

The first course was the soup of the day, a chilled strawberry soup. I don’t particularly like strawberries but this was delicious. Who would have thought it?

Next we had cherry scones with lemon curd and Devon cream. The scones were also yummy.

Then, the lady brought us one those double-tiered serving trays with tea sandwiches on the bottom level and desserts on the top. There was a selection of four types of sandwiches and four types of desserts, enough for each person to have one of every selection. My favorite sandwich was chicken salad in a phyllo dough cup with raspberry jam on top. A close second was cucumber and cream cheese on some kind of toasted bread. We also had an egg salad sandwich and a three-layered BLT.

It’s hard to choose a favorite dessert but we had mini cheesecakes (probably my favorite), a sweet blueberry scone with icing, chocolate-covered strawberries with cream, and the most beautiful petit fours you’ve ever seen.

Everything was delicious and we were surprisingly full after all those tiny treats.

They also have a gift shop and I nearly bought some tea in addition to one of the lovely teapot necklaces they had. They were so dainty. Tiny tea pots at the end of delicate chains.

I had such a great time. I hope to go back again. I know I’ll be on the lookout for other tea houses in the future. However, I doubt all tea houses would have the charming character of this one.

Posted by Selena at 07:21 AM | Comments (0)

June 01, 2006

Downtime

I haven’t been very productive the last few days. Just can’t seem to summon the energy to get very much done. At least, I’ve been able to work a little bit every day. I can’t afford to fall completely out of the habit.

I don’t feel too bad about taking a few half-days off since when I totaled up May’s work hours they came out to an average of 45 hours a week. I was kind of surprised by that. A little more than half of that was on writing and related activities (like market research). The rest was on editorial duties at DKA and SR.

I think what I need is a new writing project. I’ve been working on the book off and on. But mostly I’m in “waiting for subs to come back” mode.

I’ve got ten subs out right now. One is to a major market. That’s the one dominating my thoughts these days. It’s been out four weeks already. Their stated response time is five weeks. So, I think it’s a hopeful sign that they haven’t rejected it yet. Maybe that means the story survived the slush pile.

Or maybe it means that they rejected it weeks ago but my mailman delivered it to the next street over. Sadly that’s a distinct possibility. Mail gets misdelivered so much around here that I think it’s a secret plot to get the neighbors to know each other.

Maybe I’ll try a walk to boost my energy level. If nothing else it will burn off some of those extra calories I had today. Ah, that Dulce de Leche shake from Haagen Dazs was heaven. A caramel shake! Who thinks of such things? It was fantastic. But I don’t even want to think about how many calories were in that thing. Probably a whole week’s worth. Plus they only serve it in one size – large. Oh dear, I’m not allowed to go by that place ever again.

Posted by Selena at 06:15 PM | Comments (0)

May 28, 2006

New Column: "Lane Bumpers"

My latest column is up at Sword Review.

“Lane Bumpers”

Check it out if you have a chance. Thanks.

Posted by Selena at 07:30 AM | Comments (0)

May 24, 2006

Out of Africa

I just watched “Out of Africa.” It is quite possibly my favorite movie of all time. I have long since lost count of how many times I have seen it. At this point, I can nearly recite the dialogue along with the characters.

I have a first edition copy of the book. It’s a good bit older than I am.

The best part is that I ended up with the book completely by accident. It was handed to me as a prop when I was doing a community theatre production of “The Music Man.” I was so excited that I asked if I could keep the book.

“It’s just an old book,” they said.

To which I replied, “Is that a yes?”

It was a yes.

The book is still one of my most treasured belongings.

Posted by Selena at 11:36 PM | Comments (0)

May 23, 2006

Unconscious Bias-Part 2

Here’s that article I was telling you about a few posts ago:

“The Implicit Prejudice”

Really interesting stuff!

Posted by Selena at 07:57 PM | Comments (0)

May 22, 2006

Speaking of Finishing Projects…

Continuing a theme from yesterday, here is the scripture that turned up in my email this morning:
"Be confident in this: He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it in you." (Philippians 1:6)

How’s that for a coincidence? Do churches work off of some kind of theme calendar and I didn’t know?

Believe it or not, the above scripture arrived courtesy of a completely different pastor/ministry than yesterday’s sermon.

Although perhaps not from a different source.

Posted by Selena at 07:02 AM | Comments (0)

May 21, 2006

Today’s Tally, plus Today’s Sermon

I got a lot of work done today, which is good.

Last night, I got a couple very helpful critiques of the revision I’m working on. So, today I spent a good bit of time making changes to fix those (and other) issues, and just generally improve the story.

Again, I think it’s done. But again, I am going to wait a day or so, then look at it and see what problems have surfaced in the interim. I’m sure there will be some.

I also managed to get in some writing practice, which turned into a couple new scenes for the book. (Much to my delight.) Then I worked on the book a little longer.

I think I’m done for the day now, though. I’m going to watch a movie and see what happens after that.

Sometimes, like last night for example, I think I’m done writing for the day, but the muse has other ideas. She’s a demanding one, that muse! Waking me up and dragging me out of bed at all hours so I can sit at the computer and do her bidding. Truth is, I don’t really mind. I figure you gotta go with the flow.

Also, I have to share this amusing note from the day:
Today’s sermon in church was on unfinished projects, and how we shouldn’t let the fact that something is difficult deter us from finishing what we set out to do.

The preacher was talking about our spiritual walk, of course. But I kept hearing “Finish the book, finish the revision, finish…” this writing project and that one. Everything he said somehow got applied in my head to my writing struggle and its various projects.

Is that wrong, you think? Or is God trying to tell me something?

Anyway, it was kind of an odd church moment.

Posted by Selena at 08:21 PM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2006

Unconscious Bias

Yesterday I was reading Scientific American – both for fun and for story ideas :) – and found a great article called “The Implicit Prejudice.” It’s about the biases and prejudices we hold even when we don’t realize it. Or to quote the article: “underneath our awareness, our minds automatically make connections and ignore contradictory information.” The article is also about how we acquire these biases by what we are exposed to.

(I kind of wish I’d read this before I submitted “Osmosis” to Haruah. It would have fit in perfectly with my essay.)

I would like to point you to the article online but it’s in the June issue, which doesn’t seem to be on their website yet. But maybe later it will be there. It would be under the “Insight” section of the current issue (once the current issue is June 2006).

Actually if you can’t wait, it looks like you can buy an electronic issue online now here.

Something that is currently available online for free is this related website, mentioned in the article, where you can test your biases:

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/

It’s called an implicit association test (IAT). The site lists several. I’ve already done two. The Gender-Science test showed that I have a slight association of female with science and male with liberal arts, which is perhaps unusual but in my case not all that surprising since I’m a woman who loves science.

Posted by Selena at 10:43 AM | Comments (0)

May 14, 2006

Joke of the Day

My mom forwarded this to me this today:

My New Diet
After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed . "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery." And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so Good!"

Ha ha. Too true.

Happy Mother's Day, everyone.

Posted by Selena at 08:26 PM | Comments (0)

May 09, 2006

New Column Up

My latest column is up.

It’s called “Daily Dose.”

Feel free to stop by The Sword Review and check it out.

Posted by Selena at 07:26 AM | Comments (0)

May 08, 2006

“Osmosis” up at Haruah

My editorial/essay is now up at Haruah.

(Is it still called an editorial if I’m not an editor there? I don’t know.)

Check it out!

Thanks.

Posted by Selena at 07:11 AM | Comments (0)

May 07, 2006

Went to Church

Since I no longer work Sundays (well, at least not at a job where I have to be there certain hours), I decided to try going to church again.

Today I went to one of the many in my neighborhood. In an odd coincidence, the pastor has the same last name as me. Plus I saw a familiar face in the congregation, someone I used to work with. Those twists of fate, along with a few other things, gave me a very positive feeling about the place.

I may even go back next Sunday.

Posted by Selena at 04:00 PM | Comments (0)

May 06, 2006

Today’s Tally

Sadly, I still haven’t been able to beat down that headache. So, it wasn’t a very productive day.

I just:
Published and promoted Rent-An-Angel (Don’t miss it! It’s really good.)
Read 2 DKA contest subs and 3 regular DKA subs. (Actually I am nearly caught up with DKA subs, only one contest sub left to read. SR subs—well that’s a different story.)
Sent a revision request and two declines.

My favorite song of the moment: “Never Mind Me” by Big & Rich.

Posted by Selena at 08:22 PM | Comments (0)

May 05, 2006

Today’s Tally

I’m sitting here eating carrots, but what I really want is that chocolate candy I’ve got stashed away. ;) We’ll see how long I can stick with the carrots. Maybe I’ll distract myself with a little writing.

I didn’t get much done today. I’ve felt tired and headachy all day. But still I managed to
Proof two stories for SR,
Finish and submit a new column,
Proof a poem for DKA,
And read a couple DKA subs.

I signed a copy of the Distant Passages anthology for my dad yesterday, and thinking back on it I’m pretty sure I misspelled grateful. I’m pretty sure I put two ‘l’s at the end. :lol: I guess I’ll tell people it was meant to be a flourish. I suppose that sort of mishap is God’s way of keeping my ego in check.

It reminds me of the time when I was a kid and I made a plate in Brownies. They had us each make a design, then made them into plates somehow. I don’t remember. It was years and years before someone pointed out that I had left the ‘r’ out of Brownies. I just remember my mother hushing whoever it was in an effort to protect my feelings. (Mom’s sweet that way.)

I’ve still got seven (7) subs pending, including the one I sent to a major print market.

Here’s hoping.

Well, I better get back to reading subs. I have this little fantasy that I’ll be able to get caught up and start reading them as they come in.

Posted by Selena at 08:09 PM | Comments (0)

May 01, 2006

Too Busy to Blog

I’ve got so many stories to read that I am afraid to add them up. It’s gotta be at least twenty, could be thirty. And that’s just including DKA contest subs, not regular DKA subs or SR subs.

I am so far behind on reading SR submissions that I’m surprised they haven’t fired me yet! I did manage to read a few SR subs yesterday, though. Hopefully that will keep the hatchet man at bay a little longer. ;)

I also sent off a submission yesterday.

But today, it’s been all DKA contest subs, all the time.

I actually did add up the number of contest subs because someone asked. It’s twenty-seven (27). !!!

That’s a whole lot of reading. Fortunately, it’s also a whole lot of fun.

I’ve read six (6) contest subs so far today.

I’ve gotta take a break now though, and work on that latest story of mine. I’m hoping to submit it soon and it still needs a lot of work.

In the great news column, DKA’s traffic continues to grow. April showed an average of 291 visits a day, with a total of nearly 9,000 visits for the month. Click here to check out the numbers for yourself!

Posted by Selena at 04:28 PM | Comments (0)

April 29, 2006

Today’s Tally

I had the day almost completely to myself, so I got a lot done even though my afternoon nap went on much longer than I intended. (I reset the alarm but forgot to switch the a.m. to p.m. Grrr.)

This morning I published a new story at DKA, “The Baptism of Johnny Ferocious.” It’s one of my favorites. You should check it out, if you haven’t already.

I also made an editing pass through the new story, which took 2-1/2 hours. The story is currently clocking in at 12,600. I did notice though that I had accidentally changed the name of one of the species towards the end of the story. Haha. Ooops. I wondered why Word thought it was misspelled. :rolling my eyes:

In addition, I proofed my upcoming essay at Haruah.

I have to say…I recommend Haruah as a market to submit to. The staff is lovely. They very graciously agreed to make the last minute fix I had been agonizing over. I mean, how embarrassing is that? To have to say, “oh you know that essay you’ve accepted, there’s a little problem.” It was dreadful, but they were very kind about it and I am very grateful. I don’t know when the essay will appear but I will let you know when it is up.

I got a decline in the mail today. So, I plan to take another look at the story. (The editor took the time to make notes on the manuscript, which is nice.) Then see if I can find another market it might be suitable for.

Now, if only I can get the cat in my lap to stop putting his paws on the table, then on the keyboard of my laptop—I swear he must think writing looks like so much fun he wants to try it too—then I will be able to get some more work done. Maybe if I go ahead and give him his dinner, he will forget about that shiny, silver keyboard and just settle down for a nap. Here’s hoping.

Posted by Selena at 06:21 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2006

Today’s Tally

Sadly, it was another unproductive day – too full of drama to get much of anything done.

At least I finally finished the first draft of that story. It’s clocking in at 12,501 words right now. I am sure that will change in editing. I need to let it sit for a day, then I can start fixing it.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. (Pray for me if you’re the sort. If not, good thoughts help too.) I plan to get up extra early in the hopes that I can get a few hours work done before my day slides off the rails.

And maybe, just maybe, if I am very, very careful I can get through the day without doing anything wrong. Then maybe I can have a peaceful, productive day.

Maybe.

For now I will just hold on as best I can until the tide shifts in my favor.

Posted by Selena at 06:45 PM | Comments (0)

April 26, 2006

Today’s Tally

It was a busy, crazy day and I didn’t get as much done as I wanted.

Still, I managed to…
spend an hour on the new story (which STILL isn’t finished!)
proof the next story to be published in DKA (Look for it on Saturday, if all goes well)
and
write and submit a new column for SR.

That’s not too bad I guess. 4 hours so far.

I’ll try to make it up tomorrow or maybe later tonight. But right now, I’m fried and need a break.

Posted by Selena at 06:43 PM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2006

Today’s Tally

It’s day three of the full-time writing and editing plan, and things are going pretty well.

Saturday was productive but Sunday morning I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to get anything done. So, I took a nap. When I woke, I felt better and promptly put in six hours of work in the afternoon and evening.

I’ve been averaging about 5-6 hours a day so far. I think that’s pretty good. If I average 6 hours a day, 7 days a week, that’s 42 hours, which is full-time. I should be able to accomplish something with that much time and effort, right?

Some days it’s more editing; some days more writing. Yesterday was a writing day. I worked on four stories and was able to finalize, print and package them all by the end of the day. Obviously, they weren’t stories I started from scratch yesterday. They just needed a little more polishing and to be matched up with the right market before being sent out into the world.

I mailed all four of them this morning. (That’s such a great feeling!) Then I was able to finalize and submit another one today--an essay, not a story. (That one was tougher. I worked some on it yesterday but it needed a good bit more work today.)

That’s five submissions out in one day. That’s not bad. Actually that’s pretty good.

I haven’t gotten much else done today though. (Too many errands and running around and such to do today.) But the day’s not over yet. I hope to get more writing in tonight, and maybe read a DKA submission or two.

This is what today’s tally looks like, so far:
5 subs away
published a new story at DKA (“The White Spider” – see previous post)
posted re: new story in all the usual places (wouldn’t want anyone to miss it!)
accepted a poem for DKA (you’ll love it, we did)
read one DKA sub
did a little writing
miscellaneous emails and posts

Now comes the part of submitting that I hate--the waiting and wondering. Well, waiting and obsessing would be more accurate. But I am working on that “obsessing” thing. Must let go, must let go, must…

Uggh! I better distract myself with a whole lot of writing.

Posted by Selena at 07:31 PM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2006

Negative Talk

I particularly enjoyed this recent column at Sword Review:

Sar-caustic Venom: the Enemy Within” by Cameron Walker.

I have been known to be grumpy and to fall into the habit of negative talk and sarcasm. I am trying to do better. I try to only speak what is both true and helpful. But it’s not easy.

Our culture seems infatuated with criticism. It’s commonplace for us to try to show how witty and intelligent we are by degrading others, by pointing out everyone else’s flaws. I suppose we do it so people won’t notice our own failures.

Cameron mentions this verse from the Bible:
"Let no unwholesome speech come out of your mouth but only what is useful for the edification of others.” (Ephesians 4:29)

I am going to try to remember that as I go through my day.

Posted by Selena at 09:08 AM | Comments (0)

April 15, 2006

Today Misc.

Lots of random bits to blog about today…

It’s been a successful day for me so far. I have managed to get a lot done in addition to succeeding (so far) at a couple things I am not good at.

For instance, exercise. I hate it. But I need it for good health. I’m just not young enough anymore to get away with that “eat whatever I want and never exercise” plan. (Oh, how I miss those days!) Usually I tell myself I don’t have time. But I had today off so that excuse didn’t play. Instead I managed to not only crunch my way through that stupid exercise video, but also stretch through the yoga DVD and walk about two hours. (The walking was in two separate sessions. I’m not crazy!). The beautiful weather helped with the walking, I admit.

Also, I managed to eat right -something else I hate and am terrible at. I have eaten healthy and light so far today. Well, except for that Cadbury Caramel Egg. Which was delicious, by the way. I figure it’s a holiday treat. I mean, it can’t be Easter without a Cadbury Egg, right?

Of course, the real test will be how much writing I get done. Not much so far today. But it’s next on my list.

More bits:

I’ve been meaning to share this “quote of the day” because I found it amusing. I saw it on a guy’s T-shirt: “I am out of my mind. Please leave a message.”

Yeah, I feel that way sometimes.

Upcoming at DKA: Later today I’ll be publishing a new story at DKA. Check it out if you have a chance.

Also, there’s a magnet giveaway happening at DKA. To find out how to get yours visit the forums.

Are you a fan of limericks? Then you will want to bunny hop on over to Ray Gun Revival and check out this thread. It’s hilarious.

More later. Hopefully. Hopefully after a very productive writing session.

Have a good Easter weekend, everyone!

Posted by Selena at 04:40 PM | Comments (0)

April 09, 2006

Proof

I watched the movie “Proof” last night. It was fantastic—moving, thought-provoking and well-done.

(I realized recently that well-done is not enough for me, that if a piece of art—movie, play, story etc.—is merely technically proficient, pretty, and well-done, then it doesn’t appeal to me. I want to be moved by things, not just impressed by their loveliness or difficulty. It can be emotionally moved or intellectually moved. I just want to be affected somehow. I am starting to think I am out of sync with most people on that score.)

After seeing the movie “Proof,” I want to see the play it was based on even more than I did before. There were so many wonderful writing touches in the movie, and I suspect in the play as well—little details packed with significance, threads of meaning that move through the story, moments of truth and clarity and specificity that draw you in and make it all feel real.

The movie brings up questions that I have wondered about before. For instance, why is it that madness and brilliance are so often linked? Why is it that so many great minds are also the most fragile? Why do creative people seem to be more susceptible to mental problems than the general population? Is it merely the price they pay for their gifts? Or is it that the things that make them creative and brilliant are also the things that make them more susceptible to mental problems? It’s a sad mystery.

“Proof” reminded me of other great movies on the topic, like “A Beautiful Mind” and “Rain Man.” I heartily recommend all three of those movies.

Posted by Selena at 08:22 AM | Comments (0)

April 08, 2006

Getting Stuff Done/A Writing Miracle

I am having a surprisingly productive day so far. I got a good bit of SR proofing done this morning, plus some exercise (which I hate to do), and even a little housework (shocking, I know). But most surprisingly, I got a lot of writing done.

I’ve been avoiding writing lately. I guess I’m afraid I don’t have anything to say. Or that I don’t know where to go with the story. Or that it wouldn’t be any good. Blah, blah. Who knows? It’s just excuses and more excuses.

So, today I decided to sit down and try to work on a story that seemed to have promise but was so far just a 400 word summary of a story - all telling, no showing, no dialogue, really just bare bones, just an idea. Not very good at all.

That was a couple hours ago. Now that story is over 3,000 words long, with three different scenes, three new characters (not counting a handful of unnamed guards along the edges), and lots of places to go. How did that happen? How did I manage to sit in this chair for two solid hours and type out a story I had no idea what to do with when I sat down?

That’s a writing miracle of sorts, I guess. I wish it happened everyday.

The truth is, it might happen everyday if I would just make myself put in the time everyday.

Hmm…something to think about.

Posted by Selena at 01:00 PM | Comments (0)

March 26, 2006

Diet Woes

I am trying to lose a little bit of weight. People look at me funny when I say that because people generally don't think of me as overweight. And the truth is that I am not overweight. I am however edging ever closer to the top end of what is healthy for my height and age. I only want to lose 5-10 pounds. Basically I just my clothes to fit again.

But even that modest goal is proving difficult. One problem is my lack of willpower where food is concerned. Present me with fries from McDonald’s and I can't say no. Same thing with that Hershey’s with Almonds that crossed my path today. I knew I shouldn't eat it, but I did it anyway.

My other problem is hypoglycemia. It runs in my family and I have dealt with this tendency towards low blood sugar all my life. I have learned the hard way that if I don't eat at regular intervals, I will get sick. Lately whenever I try to cut back my calorie intake a little too much, I end up with the all-too-familiar symptoms of hypoglycemia: headache, shakiness, nausea, trouble concentrating. I woke up this way a couple times before I realized that the salad and toast I was having for dinner didn't have enough protein in it to get me from dinner to breakfast.

This morning I had a light breakfast in an effort to cut calories. It backfired. I was so sick by 10:30 that I had to eat my lunch early. Then, I was so hungry that I ended up eating extra food that I hadn’t even planned on. Aargh. I have to figure out how to make this work.

I guess I need to
1) find some low-cal, low-fat, high-protein foods,
2) focus on protein and some complex carbs, and cut back on everything else,
3) let breakfast be the biggest meal, because clearly cutting back on breakfast is not working, and finally
4) find some willpower.

I’ll do better tomorrow. I promise

Posted by Selena at 08:03 PM | Comments (0)

March 19, 2006

Column Up: "Ask Me How I Know"

My latest column is up, check it out here

And feel free to post about it in the forums if you want.

Posted by Selena at 08:09 PM | Comments (0)

March 02, 2006

Leaving Las Vegas

I heard the song "Leaving Las Vegas" yesterday and it struck me that it is the perfect theme song for my life right now.

For quite some time I have been considering a career change. Last week, I made a leap of faith. I gave my two months notice to the company that has employed me for nine years.

The move shocked people more than I expected. Even my mom was taken aback and said it just wasn't like me, that resigning from one job before I had another one lined up was just not my style.

I guess my decision is shocking given my reputation as a responsible, un-impulsive person. However my decision was not impulsive in the least. It was carefully weighed and considered in a process that spanned years. But the decision-making was not something I shared with many people, so the move must look impulsive to all the people who weren’t privy to the process. I have to keep reminding myself of that. People only know what you show them. They can’t be faulted for not knowing what you didn’t share.

"What are you going to do?" people keep asking me. Sometimes I respond with an enigmatic "something else," sometimes I actually go into the detail of how I plan to focus on writing and editing.

I know my decision is shocking to many and upsetting to some, but I also know this: Life is too short to spend most of your time on something you don't enjoy.

I want to focus my time and attention on things that are important to me, on work that interests me and feeds my soul. Writing and editing fit the bill. Therefore I am moving those interests from the fringes to the center of my work life. I am going to give them my full attention and see what happens.

"I'm Leaving Las Vegas
Lights so bright
Palm sweat, blackjack
On a Saturday night
Leaving Las Vegas
Leaving for good, for good
I'm leaving for good
I'm leaving for good.”

Posted by Selena at 09:48 AM | Comments (0)

February 21, 2006

Column’s Up: "Choosing a Softer Answer"

My latest column, “Choosing a Softer Answer,” is up. You can check it out here.

Posted by Selena at 08:33 PM | Comments (0)

February 15, 2006

Yummy Discovery

Today I discovered Starbuck’s Caramel Apple Cider. It’s delicious.

My diet and my budget would probably be better off if I hadn’t discovered said yummy treat. But it’s too late now. I am hooked.

Posted by Selena at 07:15 PM | Comments (0)

February 05, 2006

The First Rule of Flying

At the end of “Serenity”, Mal says the first rule of flying is love. That if you don’t love your ship, “she’ll shake you off just as sure as a turn in the worlds.”

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.

Can you excel at something you don’t love? Can you belong somewhere that you don’t love? Does it make sense to spend most of your time in a place you don’t love?

All good questions. And I think I know the answer. But I may be wrong.

So I’m still thinking and praying, contemplating a leap of faith.

But, don't get me wrong...I'm not contemplating leaving my husband or family - I love them plenty. It's not that sort of change I'm considering.

I'm just thinking of re-ordering my priorities to spend less time on stuff that doesn't matter and more time on stuff that does.

Posted by Selena at 08:00 PM | Comments (2)

February 01, 2006

A Better Day

The praying thing worked. So, thank you to everyone who helped out.

It was a better day today even though I’m still exhausted and cranky. (Insomnia paid me a visit last night. Grrr.)

I realized something today: It is nearly impossible to hate someone once you get to know them. It’s easier to hate people when they are abstractions, acquaintances that you’ve only heard of or seen in passing. But once you’ve connected with someone, gotten to know them even just a little, it’s hard not to feel some compassion for them.

Somehow I had forgotten that basic truth.

Posted by Selena at 07:27 PM | Comments (0)

January 31, 2006

Praying for Guidance

Praying for Guidance...that’s me today.

If you believe in the power of prayer, would you pray for me?

If you’re not the praying sort, I’ll take good vibes too.

I wish I always knew the right thing to do. I wish God would give me a clear, undeniable yes or no answer to my questions. But that’s not His way. And I’m sure there is a good reason for that.

So, I’m praying for guidance, the power of discernment.

What is that old quote I used to rely on?

Ah, I remember…I called it Selena’s Prayer and it was simply this:

“God grant me the wisdom to know the right road and the strength to walk it."

Posted by Selena at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)

January 29, 2006

Too Busy to Blog

I’ve been too busy to blog. Sorry about that.

Here’s the latest news:

I am still hoping to have another story published at DKA by the end of the month. Not another one of mine, I mean another story by another author. It’s in the works. I’ll let you know when it is up.

My cholesterol is back into the normal (if somewhat high) range. Yippee.

I’m still trying to watch what I eat though because it’s still kind of high, and I still need to lose a few pounds, and well, I just need to eat healthier. So, I’m having toast for breakfast and satisfying my chocolate cravings with chocolate soy milk (which is actually good for you, go figure).

Gotta go. It’s another busy day. I am realizing that I need some time off soon.

Happy Sunday everyone.

Posted by Selena at 09:16 AM | Comments (0)

January 19, 2006

Too Busy to Blog/DKA Review/Good Reading

Has it really been four days since I’ve blogged?

It’s been a busy week.

Here are a couple bits for you…

New DKA Review

Well, the new DKA review is out at Tangent Online. It’s not so positive. But no PR is bad PR.

Despite this second not-so-positive review from Tangent, I think DKA will continue to grow. I even think that the reviewer will eventually read something at DKA that she likes. (Probably. Hopefully.) And if not, plenty of other people enjoy the work at DKA. A review is, after all, only one person’s opinion. (No offense, Brit.)

I confess, I am trying not to be nervous about the fact that next time around Brit will be taking aim at one of MY stories.

Good Reading-Short Fiction Edition

Have I got some good reading for you!

Check out “Voices from the Void" by Mirta Ana Schultz.

It’s the winner of Sword Review’s fiction contest and my personal favorite of the many stories I have read recently.

Seriously, check it out. It is wonderful.

Posted by Selena at 09:25 PM | Comments (1)

January 14, 2006

In Today’s News

I am so tired. I hardly slept at all last night. I stayed up until midnight to watch “Battlestar Galactica." (It was good, as usual, although what was up with Michelle Forbes’ hair in that “don’t flinch" scene with Starbuck? I swear it was a wig. It’s like they decided after primary shooting that they needed the scene, but Ms. Forbes had already cut her hair into a different style so for continuity they had to find a wig that looked like the hairstyle she had for the rest of the two episodes. Hey, just my theory. Got no proof.)

Anyway, back from the tangent. So, I didn’t even try to go to sleep until after midnight. Didn’t find sleep until sometime after 2. Then at exactly 3 a.m. I was awakened by thunder then a heavy rain, then more thunder and lightning. It was some kind of sign, but I already knew what it was trying to tell me.

So, hardly any sleep but still I got up at 7 a.m. to feed the cats and stab the diabetic one. Then I just sat on the kitchen floor for a while, too sleepy to get up and go back to bed. Now, I’m too awake to even bother trying. (Although I’m sure an afternoon nap will be a necessity.)

I’m on my last day off and want to try to put today to good use. I haven’t gotten as much writing done as I wanted, but I got a lot of Sword Review and DKA stuff done so that is certainly not time wasted. I did manage to work on the book some the first day, and last night I wrote and submitted a new column. It’s about regret, a topic that I am very familiar with. I hope it’s a good column. Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you have to wait and see what sound it makes when it hits the ground.

Man, I hate winter. How far off is spring, again? Too far off for my tastes.

Posted by Selena at 09:18 AM | Comments (0)

January 06, 2006

Cooking Mood

The last couple days I have been in a cooking mood. If you knew me better, you would know what a strange and rare occurrence that is. I figure it’s just residual “cooking-ness" from the holidays, which is really the only time I have been known to cook.

Yesterday I made quiche and chocolate chip cookies. The cookies I made from scratch. Seriously I used actual flour, baking soda, eggs, and such! Even the quiche was mostly from scratch; just the crust was pre-made. (You didn’t expect me to make pie crust, did you?!? LOL)

Today I am making chicken and dumplings – well, chicken and dumplings without the chicken because cooking meat grosses me out, so really I guess it’s veggies and dumplings. Hey, any casserole with biscuits on top is bound to be yummy!

Next on my list is another batch of potato-apple gratin, which debuted at Thanksgiving. “Gratin," as you may know, is a highly technical term meaning “baked with tons and tons of cheese," always a good choice.

Guess I better get to it before I fall back into my usual “I don’t cook" mode.

Posted by Selena at 05:23 PM | Comments (0)

January 03, 2006

A Pretty Good Day

It turned out to be a pretty good day. It was rough for the first half of so but then fate smiled and I was able go home and take a nap. Wow, what a difference that makes! I was exhausted but now I’m just tired. When is that day off again? Not quite soon enough.

I was able to get a fair amount of writing done though. I even submitted a story.

I’ve got three more that are nearly ready to go to their intended markets. I hope to get them subbed by the end of the week.

And then there’s that column I need to finish…

On the TV front – no new "Lost" yet, but "Battlestar Galatica" starts again Friday. I can hardly wait!

Well, I better get back to writing before I get too sleepy to read the screen.

Posted by Selena at 09:08 PM | Comments (0)

December 26, 2005

:Shhh…Selena is Hibernating:

Christmas was lovely but outside of that it has been a difficult time, at least writing-wise.

I am very discouraged with the whole writing thing. Sometimes I think that I am coming out of it, but then it hits me all over again. I hope though that I am slowly walking my way back from being fed up with writing and other writing-related activities.

Even at my most upset I knew I shouldn’t stop writing and break all writing ties just because of a couple disappointments. But that was exactly what I felt like doing. I just wanted to walk away and be done with the whole da** thing. I am glad though that so far I haven’t succumbed to the urge to throw the baby out with the bath water.

Instead I have resolved to keep writing but perhaps write only for myself for a while – i.e. not submit anything, hardly post to my blog, etc. That way I hope to regain my love of writing.

So, if you don't see me around cyberspace and you’re wondering where I am (not that you would necessarily notice or care), know that I am not gone; I am just hibernating. Maybe I’ll see you in the spring. Maybe in the new year. Only God knows.

… Quotes to walk by…
A few meditations from Morning Notes have been much in my mind this last week or so.

This quote helped me realize that I depend on other people too much, rely too heavily on them behaving/reacting in the way I want them to:
"If I don’t need anything from you, I am free to think of you in peace. The moment I want something from another person, my happiness is compromised."

This quote reminded me that God didn’t put other people in the world to meet my needs and expectations:
"No one owes me anything. No one is obliged to meet my needs. People are people. They are not sexual experiences or career support or a series of well-wishers on my daily rounds."

God put all those other people here for His own reasons, reasons that have nothing to do with me.

Plus all these other people have their own concerns, problems, passions and interests. Their lives aren’t about me. And their lives shouldn’t be.

I don’t even know why the whole thing upset me so much. Even in the moment, I knew my reaction was out of proportion. But I still haven’t been able to shake it off.

So I am keeping to myself for a while and reminding myself not to let my happiness depend on what other people do or don’t do. I am focusing on the above quotes as well as these: "What another person does has no fixed meaning. I interpret behavior as I choose. What do I want it to mean? I perceive others through either my moods or my peace."

And this from today's meditation:
“Repeatedly assessing past performance is failure to concentrate on what can be done now. Today, each time I feel even a slight stab of defeat or disappointment, I will be still and remember that God is not mistaken in loving me."

Now, that is a hopeful thought!

Posted by Selena at 07:40 PM | Comments (0)

December 21, 2005

Quote of the Day/Today’s Meditation

Today’s meditation, again from “Morning Notes: 365 Meditations to Wake You Up" by Hugh Prather:

"I will give peace with my thoughts and cause no harm with my words.
We enter the awareness of many people in the course of the day. With each encounter there is a little exchange, and we leave something behind. This trail, and not our individual accomplishments, is our legacy to the world. At the end of my life, what tracks do I want to look back and see?"

Yeah, I know. I am working on that. That is in fact part of why I have so little to say of late.

Posted by Selena at 08:32 AM | Comments (0)

December 19, 2005

Quote of the Day

Today's quote is

"Lay all your troubles down
I am with you now"

Believe it or not, that’s from the song “Hand Me Down" by Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty.

Posted by Selena at 08:32 PM | Comments (0)

December 18, 2005

Quote of the Day

I have been reading “Morning Notes: 365 Meditations to Wake You Up" by Hugh Prather. It is very good and has been helpful to me.

Today’s meditation is something I have long struggled with:

"If I don’t need anything from you, I am free to think of you in peace.
The moment I want something from another person, my happiness is compromised. Each time I try to influence someone, I set myself up as a victim, because it’s impossible to get perfect cooperation from anyone. Today I will observe that I survive just fine without my expectations being met or my demands obeyed. In fact, in letting go, I am left with the peace that is already mine."

It is hard to live without expectations, not wanting or needing anything from other people. But I keep trying.

I try to remember that people are people and they will sometimes disappoint (just as I often disappoint), but that God is God and God never falls short or gets distracted. He always has my best interests at heart and my needs well in hand, whether I see it or not.

Posted by Selena at 08:46 AM | Comments (0)

December 15, 2005

Wasted Day

I wasted the day away. I spent it either sleeping or staring at my computer, clicking at random, checking the same websites over and over again.

I just haven’t had the energy to do much of anything lately. It’s bad. I need to snap out of it.

:Selena stops to check the actual data:

But wait, as I look back over my day with a more objective eye, I remember that I ran errands, got groceries, got the Christmas tree, decorated the tree, and did a few other things.

OK, so I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked, but it wasn’t a wasted day. I did get some things done. Plus I spent time with my family and even watched half of my favorite Christmas special – “The Year Without a Santa Claus", the one with Cold Miser and Heat Miser in it. (Love it!)

Suddenly, I feel energetic again. Funny how that works.

Posted by Selena at 08:29 PM | Comments (0)

December 06, 2005

Mac Love

A while back my husband needed a new laptop and decided to get a Mac instead of a PC. Soon after, he began going on incessantly about how much better Macs are. I would roll my eyes and mutter versions of “OK, honey, that’s great" and “Whatever you say, dear."

Then my laptop started to go. Truth be told, the poor thing is very old. The hinge is so busted up that I started leaving it in the open position because whenever I tried to open or close it little pieces would fall off.

So, hubby started talking about how he was going to get me a Mac PowerBook for Christmas. When I told this to a colleague at work the response was, “Oh, he must love you very much." My response: Yeah, OK, whatever. Who knew love was measured in Macs?! (Work colleague is a Mac Lover in case you couldn’t tell.)

Anyway, I needed a new laptop sooner than expected, so I got an early Christmas present – a very lovely, very fast, more-memory-than-I-could-ever-possibly use, Mac PowerBook G4.

For the first day or so, I was stressed out and overwhelmed by the change-over: getting used to the Mac way, figuring out how to sync it with my Pocket PC, that kind of thing.

But now…I am feeling the Mac Love.

Posted by Selena at 09:22 PM | Comments (0)

December 04, 2005

Winter Isn’t My Season

There is an Anna Nalick lyric: "Winter just wasn’t my season." It hit home because winter has never been my season.

I hate the cold. Cold weather makes me want to hibernate, do nothing but lie in bed under a stack of quilts and sleep until spring. Too bad that is not really an option.

It is barely December and already it seems like my energy level is failing and all I want to do is sleep. At first I thought maybe I was sick, coming down with the flu or something. But then I remembered. Suddenly it all made sense. It is too cold to do anything, go anywhere.

As much as I want to hibernate, that is probably not the best thing for me. I need to start writing again; I have hardly done anything since I finished NaNo. I need to write a new column; I only have one left in the queue. I need to exercise so that when I have my cholesterol checked again in January it won’t still be too high.

How am I going to do any of that when they are predicting snow for tomorrow?

By sheer force of will and grace of God, I guess.

Posted by Selena at 09:11 PM | Comments (1)

November 29, 2005

Thought-Induced Insomnia

I was so sleepy, so tired. It seemed like sleep was mere moments away.

But there is too much running around in my head.

So finally I just gave up on the sleeping and decided to write instead – draw up a plan, jot down some ideas, brainstorm, get the thoughts down on paper so maybe my mind can be quiet and hopefully sleep some time before dawn.

Posted by Selena at 11:34 PM | Comments (0)

November 05, 2005

It’s 3 a.m. I must be freezing

I woke up about 3 p.m. so cold that I was shaking uncontrollably for what seemed like forever but was really only about fifteen minutes. I pulled on a couple more blankets and waited for it to pass.

Eventually it did. I stopped shaking. My heart slowed back down to normal. The crisis (perceived crisis?) passed. I started to warm up. Slowing I began peeling the extra blankets back off. I tried to relax and go back to sleep. But after an hour it still hadn’t happened.

So I gave up, got up, made some chamomile tea and here I sit surfing the web at nearly 4 a.m.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Posted by Selena at 03:55 AM | Comments (0)

October 30, 2005

Three Quotes

"Sometimes it just feels good to run."

This is from one of my all-time favorite episodes of Deep Space Nine. The episode is called "Second Sight" and the quote is from Fenna.

I guess the quote came to me because there seemed to be more runners out today than usual.

I’m not much of a runner, being especially exercise-averse, but I hear people enjoy it. Fenna seemed to.

"I remember. I remember, don't worry."

This is from an old song I happened to hear today, "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. Whenever I hear the song I picture the scene from "Miami Vice," driving fast down a street at night.

I guess the quote means sometimes it’s enough just to remember and be remembered. Or if it’s not enough, then at least it’s a comfort.

"I hope God thinks I’ve done the right thing."

That was me as I handed $10 to a stranger on the street today. I don't usually give money to people I don't know, but he had a good story and seemed like someone who didn't normally beg for money. He said he was just trying to get home but couldn't use his ATM card because it was defective. He showed me the card and everything.

I don't know what made me do it. I just hope it was the right thing to do and that I didn't get conned yet again.

Posted by Selena at 09:04 PM | Comments (0)

October 28, 2005

Quote of the Day

I’ve been reading Paladin of Souls (in case you hadn't already guessed by the multiple blog entries on the topic).

It’s all wonderful but I read this part that night and it particularly struck me. Ista, the main character, is having an internal conversation with one of her gods.

"I’m not getting it all sorted," she worried, "I’m not getting it right."
"You are brilliant," the Voice reassured her.

"It is imperfect."

"So are all things trapped in time. You are brilliant, nonetheless. How fortunate for Us that We thirst for glorious souls rather than faultless ones, or We should be parched indeed, and most lonely in Our perfect righteousness. Carry on imperfectly, shining Ista."

Wow.

Posted by Selena at 07:23 PM | Comments (1)

October 27, 2005

Increase Exercise-Uggh!

Isn’t it ironic and unfair that I was just complaining about how much I hate to exercise and only a couple days later I hear from my doctor that I need to increase my exercise, as well as watch my diet, and come back in three months (instead of six) to have my cholesterol checked again.

Uggh!

The universe sure has a twisted sense of humor.

My cholesterol is up 20-something points from six months ago, all in LDL (the bad cholesterol) which just makes it worse. It’s still only 202 total, but with all the heart disease in my family, that’s too high. I’d like to believe it was all that really stressful workday I had the evening before the test, but truth is that it’s probably also related to the cheese nachos, junk food, pizza, and ice cream I eat most of the time.

So today I took one long walk (1 hour) and one short one (30 minutes). And last night I did that dreaded exercise video workout again. It hurts less the second time around, I discovered. I even got fruits and vegetables at the store today. And ate healthy for 2 out of 3 meals today. :weak smile:

Still I hate exercising and I miss Ben and Jerry’s.

Posted by Selena at 08:47 PM | Comments (0)

October 23, 2005

I Hate Exercise

I remember now why I can never stick to an exercise regimen: Exercise hurts!

Yesterday: A 15-minute exercise video. That hurt bad enough.

Today: a day later it still hurts. Bah humbug.

"No pain, no gain," you say? Yeah whatever.

You take the exercise video. I’ll take the Ben & Jerry’s.

Posted by Selena at 10:12 PM | Comments (0)

October 22, 2005

Show Me Your Soul

Lately I’ve found myself wondering what people’s souls look like.

A weird thought I admit. I blame it on a book I’m reading, Paladin of Souls.

In it, one of the characters has the ability to see the spirit world, including people’s souls. It’s interesting to see how each character’s soul is different – this one bright and centered, this one in tatters and shreds (from being demon-gnawed for a long period of time), this own with the faint purple glow of a demon curled up and hiding within, this one a faint white light that hovers about the person’s body because the person is dead and being kept life-like through sorcery.

It makes me wonder what my soul looks like to someone who can see those things. It makes me wonder what other people’s souls look like.

Truth be told, you can’t tell much useful about someone by looking at them.

And that’s kind of a shame. But it's also a blessing.

Posted by Selena at 05:35 PM | Comments (0)

October 20, 2005

Quote of the Day

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

-from a forwarded email

Posted by Selena at 09:45 PM | Comments (0)

The Power of One

I am a huge fan of "Babylon Five" but I haven't watched an episode in a long time.

Tonight I decided to watch the pilot episode again. I was struck at first by the strangeness of it, the familiar and unfamiliar, the things that would change as the series continued, the things that would stay the same.

But what really spoke to me was the scene early on when Delenn and Sinclair are sitting in the garden. Delenn admires the Japanese stone garden and comments how well it represents "the power of one mind to change the universe." She also takes a dangerous, unsanctioned action. When Sinclair asks why she would risk it, she replies that clearly he has not spent enough time contemplating the stone garden.

The power of one...good lesson.

Posted by Selena at 07:45 PM | Comments (0)

October 19, 2005

Whew.

Wow! Today was especially challenging – unbelievably stressful and downright ugly in places.

Still I managed to get through it without yelling at anyone, losing my cool, breaking down into hysterics, giving up and walking away, or reaching for a drink, chocolate, junk-food or other pain-numbing substance. Instead I stayed calm and focused, and dealt reasonably with each of the many ugly problems that presented themselves.

How did someone as tired, stressed-out and grumpy as me manage that amazing feat?

Easy. I didn’t.

It was divine intervention, plain and simple. The strong, steady hand of God got me through. Nothing else could have done it.

I am so grateful. And the end of the day never looked so good.

Posted by Selena at 09:50 PM | Comments (0)

October 15, 2005

Aaaah. So Relaxed.

After three-days off I feel so rested and calm and relaxed.

Now if I can only manage to carry that feeling with me into the next few days…that would be great! A big help.

Why hasn’t someone figured out how to bottle a feeling?

Marketing tries to make us believe a feeling can be bottled and sold, but so far no one’s really managed it.

I mean really and truly bottle a feeling so that when you’re relaxed you can store some of it away for a stressful day, then when that day comes you just open the bottle and breathe in the calm and you’re right back in that relaxed, rested state of mind?

Now that would be a useful invention!

Instead, we get TiVo. No disrespect to anyone who likes TiVo. I hear it’s useful. But I want something bigger and more useful; I want to be able to carry my calm around with me and use it at will.

Could someone get to work on that please?

Posted by Selena at 09:04 PM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2005

Three Days Off

I have the next three days off and it’s a lovely thing.

I needed some downtime; I was getting crispy fried.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get some writing done on my mini-vacation.

Posted by Selena at 09:13 AM | Comments (0)

October 10, 2005

Bad Eating Blame

Finally I have someone else to blame for my terrible eating habits, especially my love of french fries, chocolate and all things bad for me.

Don’t believe me? Check out this article:

Jonesing for Fries? Blame the Cave Men
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4618562

(And yes I found this article when I googled "jonesing" to make sure I was spelling and using it correctly in that blog entry a couple days ago.)

Posted by Selena at 07:27 PM | Comments (0)

October 04, 2005

It’s 2 a.m. I must be sick

It’s 2 a.m. but I can’t sleep. But it’s not just the usual insomnia returning for a reprise. This time, it’s something I ate.

I feel so sick to my stomach that I’ve spent the last few hours just lying very still and hoping the nausea would go away.

It hasn’t worked and the lying there doing nothing was starting to make me agitated. So now I’m up and sipping chamomile tea, hoping the nausea will go away.

Posted by Selena at 01:59 AM | Comments (0)

October 01, 2005

Small Successes

Today has been a struggle and it’s not even noon yet.

So, I’m grabbing hold of today’s small successes and not letting go.

Small Success #1: an hour-long walk. That’s good exercise, something I don’t do enough of.

Small Success #2: thirty minutes of writing practice even though I didn’t feel like it. True I wrote most of it with my head down on the table next to the page, but I wrote nonetheless and that was the point.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I feel like I just want to go back to bed, sleep a while, then start the day over this afternoon. Maybe I’ll do that.

But first I’ll try a cup of caffeinated tea and more writing. Sometimes that works.

Posted by Selena at 11:37 AM | Comments (0)

September 26, 2005

Writing Practice

You know it was a successful writing practice when you…
1) go into overtime and don’t even notice, and
2) feel compelled to type it into your computer right away so you can start editing it.

The story has promise, but it’s raw and new and needs work. We’ll see how it goes. But at least I wrote today.

So that part of my day was a success.

The eating right part? Not so much.

Well, I’ll try again tomorrow.

Posted by Selena at 10:06 PM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2005

Success!

OK, so it’s really just a few small successes.

I managed to do 30 minutes of writing practice today. I’m still trying to draw the muse back to me.

Actually it did seem she was with me last night when I spent an easy, productive hour jotting down a preliminary outline for my next novel.

Sadly though, she took today off. (The writing was moderately bad overall, downright embarrassing in places.) But I wrote anyway, kept writing, in order to demonstrate my devotion.

I even worked on some columns in progress. I have to submit a new one soon but none of them feel right. Some are good but seem too risky - too potentially controversial, too personal.

Still, it was a successful day. I wrote. I was kind. I didn't buy anything. I didn't eat any junk food.

Well there was that one chocolate chip cookie...but hey I’m not going for perfect, just better.

And today I did better.

Posted by Selena at 09:29 PM | Comments (0)

September 24, 2005

Back to Writing

I have to get back to writing. I’ve been so caught up in my editor gigs for TSR and DKA that I’ve hardly written at all lately. That must change.

Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy the editor stuff but I can’t let writing take a back-burner. It’s too important to me. Gotta put my time where my priorities are.

So today I got some writing practice in. It was so-so, but I guess it’s true what Heather Sellers says that if you take a day off from writing, your muse will take off the next three. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be muse-less and writing junk for the next few weeks. But the only way to fix that is to start writing again and keep writing until the muse returns.

I’ve still got a few subs pending, including the book proposal, so at least there’s some hope of a yes heading my way. Ah, how lovely a yes would be.

The day is grey but not yet rainy, at least not where I am.

I can’t bear to watch the news, it’s too upsetting. Just knowing what suffering is going on out there makes me want to cry. I can’t handle seeing the suffering replayed over and over on my TV.

On the plus side, “Serenity" opens Friday. I can hardly wait! A friend offered me an extra ticket to an advance screening on Monday, but I turned it down because hubby and I plan to see it on Friday and he couldn’t go on Monday. That’s true love, I guess.

Posted by Selena at 12:29 PM | Comments (0)

September 19, 2005

Bad Day/Good Reading/Quotes

I’m having a bad day.

I feel terrible and it's making me all grumpy and distraught.

I guess that's why when I read this it hit me hard:

"I’m a curmudgeon. My bad days are tectonic. The EPA issues alerts about me. If you want courtesy, you need a subpoena. It takes a court order just to get me to return a phone call. Does that sound like a saint?"

It’s from a story called "A Quantum Bit Exists in Two States Simultaneously: On" by David Gerrold in the September issue of "Fantasy & Science Fiction." It’s the narrator explaining why he isn’t qualified to be a saint.

At first I was on the fence about the story, but the “Church of the Chocolate Bunny" started to win me over. I’m a chocoholic so a religion that revolves around chocolate is kind of amusing to me. (It certainly explained why there was a chocolate bunny on the front cover, something I had been wondering about.) But then I got to that quote and I was hooked.

Then there was all this discussion about faith and why there isn’t a science of spirituality, which was interesting.

I wish I could refer you to the story online, but it looks like the magazine doesn’t have a web edition. You can order the back issue here though:
http://www.sfsite.com/fsf/toc0509.htm

One more great quote from the story:
"You want to know the secret, don’t you? It’s no secret, it’s just this – you can’t ask people to be generous unless you first show ‘em what it looks like. That’s all."

‘Nuff said.

Posted by Selena at 05:54 PM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2005

Temptation

I am trying to eat healthier, maybe even lose a little weight. Without much success, I might add. It’s not that I don’t know what to do; it’s that I’m weak.

I’m proud to say though that when I bought that Häagen-Dazs caramel ice cream today, I managed to get the pint not the gallon. That way, if I do fall, it won’t be from very far up.

Sure, it would have been smarter to not buy the ice cream in the first place. But I’m just not that good a person.

Posted by Selena at 04:03 PM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2005

Odd Dream

I had a strange dream last night. I don’t remember most of it but here’s what I remember from the end of it.

I am in a bus at the base of a huge cliff next to the ocean. Some force grabs the front of the bus and begins pulling it up the cliff elevator-like, so the length of the bus is now vertical, wheels against cliff. I am desperately clinging to the back of my bus seat so that gravity doesn’t hurl me into the back window of the bus.

The bus keeps going up and up and it’s a long way. I’m looking down at the cliff and ocean below and have that horrible sense you do on a roller-coaster when you’re going higher and higher and you’re thinking “wow, if I fall from here it’s really gonna hurt."

Someone is telling me that there is a paradise and that the only way to get there is through this terrifying, seemingly dangerous route of raising the bus to the top of the cliff, then dropping it. So we get to the top of this very high cliff, then the force drops the bus and I am in free-fall, scared but trying to believe that there is paradise down there instead of certain death.

I wake just before the bus hits ground/water. Isn’t that always the way it is with dreams?

It’s not hard to see what the dream is about. On one level, it’s just about how sometimes to get what you want, you have to take a big risk. But on another level, it’s about the question of whether there is paradise after this life, or just death. It’s about faith. I do believe that there is paradise. And I’m really glad God doesn’t make me get dropped from a cliff to get there.

Posted by Selena at 10:04 PM | Comments (0)

Too Busy to Blog

I’ve been too busy to blog the last few days. I’m just not young enough anymore to work 9-8 two days in a row and not have it be a struggle. At least I managed to not lose my cool with anyone or make any major mistakes. That’s really all I ask.

Fortunately my schedule gets more manageable tomorrow. And there’s a day off in my future. Not soon enough, but there, shining in the distance.

Posted by Selena at 10:03 PM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2005

Quote of the Day

“Take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you."
-from the soundtrack of "A Lot Like Love"

(Good movie too. What can I say? I like the mushy stuff.)

Posted by Selena at 10:15 PM | Comments (0)

August 30, 2005

Gratitude and the Biloxi Blues

I need two mood emoticons today because I am happy and grateful but also anxious and sad.

First, the good. All of the kin I had in Katrina’s path are fine. All of them. Their homes? Well that is still unknown. But the people are all safe and sound, and that’s what matters.

It reminds me of the time when a tornado flattened the town where most of my immediate family live yet somehow, miraculously, left all of my loved ones alone. Scared them pretty bad but otherwise did them no harm, not even significant damage to their homes. Houses literally one block away from both my mom’s and my dad’s were flattened or simply gone. Yet no harm came to my family.

I was so grateful that for months afterward whenever I started to complain about something I would stop myself and say “You know what? I’ve got no right to complain about anything because that tornado spared my entire family!" I had experienced a stroke of incredible good luck (or grace) and so whatever bad luck or hardship the universe felt compelled to send me after that I was going to take without complaint.

I still feel that way. Just thinking about the whole thing moves me to tears, even years later. And again, I know in a solid, unshakeable way that I am profoundly blessed and have really no call to complain about anything.

The flip side is that I am anxious and sad for a friend and her family.

I have a friend who for the past two days has been trying to reach an elderly aunt who lives in Biloxi. The last they heard was pre-Katrina and it was that the aunt wasn’t going to evacuate.

It looks like the news is bad from Biloxi. And it’s hard to imagine that an elderly woman alone in her home there would make it through. But you never know. At this point I think they’d be glad to hear any news.

I wish I knew someone in Biloxi who could cruise by her place and at least see if it’s still standing. I wish a lot of things. Mostly I wish for my friend to hear from her aunt and know that all is well.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all who are dealing with the destruction Katrina wrought.

Posted by Selena at 09:56 PM | Comments (0)

August 28, 2005

Doubt Makes You Happy?

I’m reading Easier Than You Think by Richard Carlson. (It’s about small changes you can make in your life that add up to a big, positive return on your investment.)

I was surprised to read this bit of advice: “Plant a seed of doubt."

Doubt always seemed to me to be a negative thing. I assumed that people would be happier without doubt.

But Carlson makes a compelling argument. He points out that when we allow for a shade of doubt in what we “know" then we leave ourselves open-minded, able to see that there are two sides to every issue. It reminds us that we don’t know everything and that there is a possibility we are wrong, or at least not 100% right about everything.

It’s easy to see how that would lead you to be a happier person, plus someone who is easier to be around and in a better position to build bridges instead of walls.

Now that’s good advice. Strange and unexpected, but good.

Posted by Selena at 03:46 PM | Comments (0)

Better Day

See, it’s already a better day.

I just need to follow the sign on my computer that says “Just write. You’ll feel better."

Works every time.

A few days ago I did some free writing and came up with the beginnings of an idea for a story. Today as I was typing it into my computer, I realized the world and the story are big enough for a book. So I’m thinking of trying it for NaNoWriMo.

I’ve got a lot of background writing to do before then though – world-building, outline, character sketches. I don’t even have any characters yet! That’s bad. But there’s time.

Right now it’s just a rough idea for a world and a series of events, both current and ancient. It’s about what happens when you realize your history isn’t what you thought it was, when a society finds out its creation myths - its ways of thinking about itself and its world - are wrong. It’s also about adapting to a changing environment.

We’ll see how it goes. But for today, it’s got me inspired and entertained. And that’s good.

Posted by Selena at 11:29 AM | Comments (0)

August 27, 2005

Example of How Far Gone I am Today

So, here's a perfect example of how out of it I am today:

I was just on the phone with my Aunt Martha talking to her on my cell phone. I wanted to know what time it was so I started looking around the table for my cell phone to check the time.

It was nearly a full minute before I remembered that the reason I couldn't find the phone was that I had it against my head talking on it.

Grrr.

I better just call it a day and go to bed before I cause any real problems

Posted by Selena at 09:26 PM | Comments (0)

Some Days

Some days are more of a struggle than others. Today has been one of the struggle days.

I don’t know what my problem is.

There’s a John Mayer lyric something about “I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me so I can say this is the way I used to be."

But strangely it’s Matchbox Twenty’s “3 a.m." that’s ringing in my head right now.

Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s any number of things. Maybe I’m just tired. Whatever it is I can’t seem to get much of anything done today.

No motivation. No inspiration. I’m bored without the get-up-and-go to do anything.

Lethargy and boredom – a bad combo.

But if I look back on my day with an unencumbered, objective eye I realize I did actually accomplish a little. It only feels like I wasted the day away.

I will do better tomorrow. I will.

Posted by Selena at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)

Having a Chat

I discovered when I logged on this morning that TSR now has a couple chat rooms.

I had to check it out. (I’ve never talked in chat rooms before but I’m making an effort to try new things. So today it was a chat room.)

Chatting with the Chat Bot is sometimes amusing but often frustrating. (The computer’s language skills are painfully lacking in places.) You should try it though. Sometimes it’s hilarious.

Later though I was fortunate enough to catch real people in the chat room and had a nice chat with Bill and Anthony.

I discovered that I can’t type fast enough though, not fast enough to keep up in a chat room anyway. And I kept wanting to go back and fix my typos.

Check out the chat rooms for yourself on the forums page.

Maybe I’ll see you there.

Posted by Selena at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)

August 21, 2005

False Gods

It seems the theme of the weekend is false gods. First there was this week’s “Stargate SG-1," then a column at TSR about how to tell a real god from a false one.

In “Stargate SG-1" the new enemy is the Ori who profess to be gods and demand to be worshipped. Their acolytes are combing the galaxy proselytizing. In the episode, the people on a planet refuse to worship the new “gods," having just recently rid themselves of another set of false gods. The acolyte destroys the people and their entire planet.

My response? Well, to me nothing says false god like slaughtering everyone who won’t worship you. That to me always sounds like a false god or at least an acolyte who has seriously misunderstood their gods’ intention.

I think you can determine what is/is not the true God or His will by the effect. If the effect is hateful, destructive, and petty, then I’d be suspicious and tend to think it’s not true-god material. If the effect is loving, creative, and healing then that sounds like the God I believe in.

True, a lot of destructive, hateful stuff gets done in God’s name. Frankly I think it must really upset Him. I think that stuff is acolytes gone wrong.

Posted by Selena at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)

Self Censorship

There is a post-it on my computer that says “HINAIAV." It stands for “Honesty is not appropriate in all venues." I put it there because nine times out of ten when I get in trouble it’s for being too honest, for expressing my opinion when I shouldn’t have, or sharing information too widely. (Hey, I can keep a secret but you gotta tell me it’s a secret first!)

I was reminded of “HINAIAV" this morning when I started to post a reply to something online. I wrote it but then only posted the smallest portion of it because the situation felt so much like another time I said too much, was misunderstood and inadvertently started some online controversy. Uggh. I couldn’t bear for that to happen again. So I censored most of what I had to say.

I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I just know it seemed the thing to do at the time.

Posted by Selena at 11:12 AM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2005

OCW Enabler

For my birthday, my husband got me a wireless card for my pda.

So now I can check my email and the web from any place with a wireless network.

I think that’s great but it’s probably not good for keeping my OCW under control.

(OCW stands for Obsessive Checking of the Web, in case you didn't know.)

We’ll see how it goes.

Posted by Selena at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

“There is no set of circumstances that cannot be turned about by ordinary human beings and their natural capacity for love of the deepest sort."
- Desmond Tutu, in Easier Than You Think: Because Life Doesn't have To Be So Hard by Richard Carlson

Posted by Selena at 08:47 AM | Comments (0)

August 18, 2005

Quote of the Day

“The chorus girl hasn’t learned the lines you’d like to hear."
- from “Evita"

‘Nuff said.

Posted by Selena at 09:16 PM | Comments (0)

August 17, 2005

It’s 2 a.m. I must be anxious

It’s 2 a.m. and I can’t sleep. Haven’t been able to turn off the worry machine in my head.

So I’m gonna surf a while, sip some chamomile and see what happens.

Posted by Selena at 02:18 AM | Comments (0)

August 16, 2005

Another Odd Dream

Last night I had a bad dream, something dreadful about people being murdered and stashed in corners and closets around the house. But at some point – either in the dream or when I woke up briefly from the dream – I realized that I had the power to turn it around, to turn things toward the good instead, and that’s what I did. The dream ended in that happier, gentler “reality."

I have to remember that, both in my dreams and more importantly in my waking life, I have the power to change the way things are going.

Posted by Selena at 10:01 PM | Comments (0)

August 15, 2005

Dreaming about Restaurants

I dream so often about working in a restaurant that I’m starting to wonder what that's about.

I worked in a restaurant for long time - about six years in two stints of about three years each - but it was years ago. I worked in two restaurants before that, but it’s always that last one I dream about.

Just a couple nights ago I dreamed I was working there again, but that they had changed their table numbering scheme and I was having a hard time remembering the numbers of the tables in my section.

Most of my restaurant dreams are like that - I’m working there again but something’s changed or I’ve changed and I just can't handle the job anymore. I’m slow, confused, uncoordinated. I can't keep up. I’m old. I’m not the same young woman I was at the time.

Maybe that’s why I dream about restaurants so much. They represent a time when I was young, sure of myself, independent and just starting out in the adventure of life. Now at nearly-forty, I sometimes long for those younger days. But I guess part of me knows there’s not going back. I guess that why in my dreams it’s never the same as it was.

Sort of reminds me of that new Toby Keith song – “I’m not as good as I once was."

Ain’t that the truth!

However age has its own rewards. A little bit of wisdom and experience is worth a wrinkle here, a wrinkle there. It’s even worth not being able to wait tables like a champ anymore.

Posted by Selena at 09:41 PM | Comments (0)

August 10, 2005

Got to Doc

I finally got around to seeing the doctor about that pain and pressure in my right ear, and as so often happens with me it was like the classic visit to the mechanic where once you take the car in, it’s no longer making that weird noise it was making.

It’s the same with me most times - by the time I get into the doctor’s office whatever it was has resolved itself or gone into hiding so the doctor has to gently say something like “well, clearly you were feeling sick but everything looks fine now, so whatever it was seems to have gone away on its own." I’m just glad she doesn’t say “You are such a hypochondriac, why are wasting my time?"

I’m not a hypochondriac. Really. And this is how I know – I am also prone to ignoring how sick I am and refusing to go to the doctor until I am really, really sick. Like the Flu of 2000 when by the time I got to the doctor’s office, the nurses couldn’t find my pulse. (Seriously. Gotta love that. I was thinking “OK, guys, we know I’ve got a pulse because I got here on my own power, on the bus." Turns out I was so dehydrated that my blood was barely moving around at all. That was also the time I heard this from my doctor, “You’re the sickest person I’ve seen all year." Aw, now, that’s never something you wanna hear from your doctor. Even if it’s true, what good could it possibly do to tell me that?! ‘Cause once I hear that I’m not just really sick, I’m now really freaked out about it too.

Anyway, I’m feeling so much better now that an expert has confirmed that I’m fine.

Posted by Selena at 06:15 PM | Comments (0)

August 06, 2005

Struggling with OCW

I’m trying to keep my OCW in check.

That’s obsessive checking of the web.

Checking for responses to my stories, checking for email replies to pending submissions, checking for comments to my blog, checking for new stuff on The Sword Review - I can spend a whole day on the web and hardly realize I’ve done it.

Alright, I’m logging out now. I simply MUST get some work done today.

Don’t worry I know I’ll be back later in the day. I can only stay disconnected for so long. ;)

Posted by Selena at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)

July 30, 2005

Debt Calling

Recently I paid off one of my credit cards. I was so proud. I was moving in the right direction and it felt great.

But then the very next day, I got something from them saying they had raised my credit limit. It’s like they knew (even though they couldn’t have received my check yet). They knew I had wrestled myself free from their grip and were trying to draw me back into their web of debt and fees and finance charges.

It was weeks before I succumbed. I’m proud of that at least. But then I needed something and was short of cash and out came the credit card.

Then once that was done and the card was in use, it was all too easy to order takeout with it, buy clothes with it. Uggh. The sneaky little buggers had hooked me again.

I’m not taking the stuff back though this time.

However I am going to try to save/make enough extra money that I can pay the bill off in full when it comes next month. And I’m putting that stupid card in a drawer.

I’ve gotta remember that credit is only good for mortgaging your future. It’s a much better plan to stick to spending the money you have. So that’s what I’m going to try to do from now on.

Posted by Selena at 05:58 PM | Comments (0)

July 28, 2005

Quote of the Day/Mean People

I am always surprised by how mean-spirited people can be. (Maybe I shouldn’t be, but I am.)

Last night I’m walking home through a dark neighborhood because the power has been knocked out by a storm. The weather has been oppressively hot and humid for days, so I know it must be really hot at home without the air conditioning.

As I pass a couple on the sidewalk, I hear the woman say to her friend, "Well, at least now everyone in the neighborhood is suffering like I’ve been suffering the last few days."

And all I can think is "wow."

Posted by Selena at 02:19 PM | Comments (0)

Four Days Off!

Well, I made it and here I am in my mini-vacation of four days off in a row.

What to do? I feel like I should be productive – get writing and chores and errands and stuff done. But really what I most need is some R&R. I’ll have to strike a balance.

I spent the morning proofing a story that is slated to be published at The Sword Review soon. I’m looking forward to seeing it published.

Posted by Selena at 09:39 AM | Comments (0)

July 26, 2005

One Day More

Only one day more until my vacation of four whole days off in a row!

Woo-HOO!

What will I do with myself? Sleep, write, lounge around, write. Chill like a cat.

Who knows?

Posted by Selena at 09:24 PM | Comments (0)

July 25, 2005

Rest is Good

What a difference a nap makes.

I was able to wrangle some much needed time off this week.

It’s important to know your limits and be able to ask for what you need.

That's today's lesson I guess. Glad I was paying attention.

Everyone else is glad too since I was about to snap and it wasn't gonna be pretty.

Posted by Selena at 09:23 PM | Comments (0)

July 24, 2005

Too Busy to Blog-Work Edition

Would love to blog or spend more time reading TSR, but I gotta get moving and get to work.

It's day three of a seven day stretch and my goal for today is to not let the fact that I'm exhausted cause me to lose
my cool or make any major mistakes.

That's it. That's all. If I can manage just that, it'll be a good day.

Edited to add:
Well, with God's grace I managed it.

Posted by Selena at 08:49 PM | Comments (0)

July 23, 2005

Wide Awake

Well, insomnia has returned for a reprise.

So here I am - cruising the web, sipping chamomile tea, and hoping to feel sleepy soon.

I wouldn't mind so much if I didn't have to work in the morning (well actually just a few hours from now) as well as the next six days after that.

Posted by Selena at 12:43 PM | Comments (0)

July 19, 2005

Quote of the Day

Seen on a bumpersticker -

"Honk if you don't exist."

Posted by Selena at 08:22 PM | Comments (0)

July 16, 2005

Today's Tally

Scoring my day....

Stuff I’m proud of:

I chose pretzels over potato chips at the snack machine. The healthier choice. Not as healthy as a snack that didn't come out of a vending machine - but hey, baby steps!

I managed to not get grumpy with anyone all day even though I hardly slept at all last night. Major accomplishment.

I got a lot done, including a little bit of writing.

Stuff I’m not so proud of:

Those three Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookies I snacked on and the pizza I had for dinner.

Still, all in all a pretty successful day.

Posted by Selena at 10:40 PM | Comments (0)

July 14, 2005

Good Reading - Non-Fiction Edition

This real-life story, found in The Sword Review’s discussion forums, cracked me up.

I liked it so much I have to point it out to you.

Check it out at http://theswordreview.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?p=3057#3057

Posted by Selena at 02:07 PM | Comments (0)

July 12, 2005

Misunderstood

It is upsetting for writers when they are misunderstood.

Wait. Writing in vague, indirect generalities is what got me in trouble in the first place. I’d thought it would be gentler, less likely to offend or upset. But instead it was more likely to be misconstrued and thus more likely to offend and upset. Not at all what I had in mind.

So let me start again.

It is upsetting for me as a writer to be misunderstood, especially when it’s something I’ve written that’s been misconstrued. Because then it’s not just the upset of people believing something about me that isn’t true. Then there’s also that horrible sense of failure, knowing that I wrote badly, that I failed to accurately express my thoughts, that what my audience heard was vastly different than what I meant to say.

And that is a hard thing for a writer. It’s a hard thing for me.

Write clear or don't write at all. That’s my new motto.

But it may be a little while before I put it to use. I’m still a little pen-shy from my misstep.

I’ll just stay here for now and write to this very small audience of people who (mostly) understand me.

Posted by Selena at 07:24 AM | Comments (0)

July 11, 2005

My Stupid Mouth – AGAIN!

Where’s that “My Stupid Mouth" post? I might as well just copy and paste it here too because I’ve done it again. I really have to learn to keep my mouth shut.

It happens all too often. I speak up with the best of intentions. And it goes wrong from there.

When will I learn that honesty is not appropriate in all venues and must be carefully practiced?

Actually I do know those things. Sometimes I just forget. I guess it’s because I’m a naturally honest, above-board person, and because I’m not easily offended. Other people are a whole lot easier to offend.

I promise to use my words more cautiously next time. Or at least try to.

What was that quote about failure? “Try. Fail. Try again. Fail better."

I will endeavor to fail better. I promise.

Posted by Selena at 07:45 PM | Comments (0)

July 07, 2005

Today’s Sights

First, obviously, there is the news from London which I don’t feel qualified to comment on except to say my heart goes out to the victims and their families, and that I’m still going to take public transportation everywhere.

Smoke billowing out of a parked car in downtown. People a little more concerned than usual in light of this morning’s events. A fire engine coming to check it out. They made short work of the problem.

A guy on a bench holding a little bird. I laughed and smiled at the cuteness of the scene before I remembered that he probably shouldn’t be handling the bird and that the bird was probably terrified. Then I felt kind of bad about the whole thing.

Posted by Selena at 01:50 PM | Comments (0)

July 06, 2005

What is it about Wednesdays?

I don’t know what the problem is, but Wednesdays and I don’t seem to be getting along lately.

But at least I have tomorrow off. I hope to get a lot of writing done.

In particular, I need to figure out where to send the novel next and just do it. Poor Vatral has just been sitting lonely and rejected on the shelf. He deserves a second chance. Someone out there will love this story as much as I do. I’ve just gotta find that person.

Posted by Selena at 09:36 PM | Comments (0)

July 04, 2005

Quote of the Day/Ocular Migraine

Today’s quote is from “Split Screen Sadness" by John Mayer, one of my favorite songs from his “Heavier Things."

"I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me
So I can say this is the way I used to be."

Gotta go, my ocular migraine has come back and I can hardly see what I’m typing.

I guess I should rest my eyes until it goes away.

Posted by Selena at 09:13 PM | Comments (0)

July 02, 2005

Ladder 49

I just watched “Ladder 49." It was great! Such a study in courage.

Kind of makes the risks I stress over, like whether to submit this story to that market, seem positively lame.

Posted by Selena at 08:49 PM | Comments (0)

Friends – A Necessity

Where would we be without friends?

Seriously I don’t even want to think about where I would be without my friends. They are small in number but great in quality.

How many times has a friend managed to pull me out of the cold dark or some other bad place I’d gotten myself into? More times than I can count. And every time it amazes me - how just a few moments friendly attention from someone who really cares can change everything. And every time I’m grateful.

I always try to return the favor. Like today, I tried to help a friend in need. Did an hour on the phone lighten her load a little? I hope so. But who knows? One thing’s for sure though – it definitely put my petty problems into perspective.

Posted by Selena at 03:23 PM | Comments (0)

June 30, 2005

Today’s Quote

From Pat Green’s “Poetry"

“I can’t explain a blessed thing
Not a fallen star or a feathered wing
How a man in chains has the strength to sing
‘I’ll fly away’."

Posted by Selena at 09:00 AM | Comments (0)

June 27, 2005

Good News

Heard from the vet today and Charlie’s blood sugar is in the OK range. (Whew.)

So, the insulin is working, the new dose is working, it’s all working. We gotta just keep doing what we’re doing and have his blood sugar re-checked in six months.

Posted by Selena at 07:27 PM | Comments (0)

June 26, 2005

He who hesitates…

This morning I discovered a great writing opportunity. I was so excited I jotted down ideas before I went to work and while I was on my way to work.

But tonight, I found that the opportunity is no longer there. The call for authors has disappeared from the website.

Grrr.

I guess it serves me right for not applying right away.

Or maybe God intervened because He had something better in mind.

I was praying for a sign on my way home about whether or not I should apply.

Guess I got a pretty clear sign.

Posted by Selena at 09:16 PM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2005

Dealing w/ Difficult People

I was thinking this morning about some difficult people I have to deal with and I realized this...

It would help me be more compassionate and tolerant with them if I could remember to take into account their circumstances, their lives.

Some professions and situations are particularly soul-crushing, full of rejection and criticism and uncertainty. That affects people, impairs them in a myriad subtle ways, perhaps in ways they don't even realize.

It makes sense to remember that when dealing with difficult people. Keeping in mind the other person’s subjective experience of the world helps me be more understanding and kind when they are, in my opinion, behaving badly.

Everybody is doing the best they can at any given moment. And that's all we can reasonably expect of each other.

If I can manage to be compassionate with other people when they’re being difficult, maybe people will be gentle with me on those hopefully rare occasions when I’m the one being grumpy and unreasonable.

Posted by Selena at 09:03 PM | Comments (0)

June 24, 2005

Living Cheap

Today I returned about $100 worth of stuff I shouldn’t have bought. I’ve got a real weakness for pretty clothes. Is there a 12-step program I can join? ;)

I’ve also recently cancelled the health club membership I rarely used and dialed down a couple other memberships to less expensive versions. I’m trying to cut my expenses so I can pay off my debts and live cheaper.

Being able to live cheap is a valuable trait for someone planning to pursue writing as a career. Wouldn't you say?

It’s all part of my master plan.

Posted by Selena at 05:03 PM | Comments (0)

Selena's Blog

Writing, Books, Sci Fi, Life

March 19, 2010

Suddenly Free

January 30, 2010

A Status in Music Videos

January 29, 2010

Making the Money (and the Adjustment)

January 16, 2010

"Hold Fast" by Mercy Me

Motivational Posters from Firefly

January 14, 2010

"Tonight" – Tina Turner and David Bowie

January 12, 2010

Sad Times

January 07, 2010

A Cold New Year and Some Music Vids

December 25, 2009

Christmas Day

December 24, 2009

The Christmas Eve Report (and some music videos)

September 15, 2009

No More Comments

July 30, 2009

Quote of the Day (on conflict resolution)

July 18, 2009

Love Me Some Prince!

July 04, 2009

Interesting Article on the History of July 4th

June 26, 2009

"Dogs in the Yard"

June 23, 2009

Today's Obsessions: Train Crash and Back 2 Good

June 08, 2009

Funny Sign of the Day

June 07, 2009

"It is written..." (Slumdog Millionaire)

April 14, 2009

What's Been Going On

April 10, 2009

Nightmares with Hymns?

March 27, 2009

Art a low priority in tough times? I think not!

February 27, 2009

Lessons from the Lost Week

February 22, 2009

Suddenly Sick

February 21, 2009

Giving Up

January 30, 2009

Personality Test

January 29, 2009

My Life as a Contrarian

Rules, Rules, Rules

January 28, 2009

"When wilt thou save the people?"

December 29, 2008

Insomnia Won't Leave Me Alone

December 26, 2008

Home Again, Home

November 28, 2008

Watching "The West Wing"

November 13, 2008

Failing NaNo

November 03, 2008

Too Sick to NaNo

October 23, 2008

First Rule of Flying

October 11, 2008

In a Cooking Mood

October 02, 2008

RRN: "Steering by Starlight"

September 25, 2008

Good News, Bad News

September 17, 2008

New Fav Lily Pic

September 16, 2008

"Whew!" Plus New Music & TV

September 10, 2008

Quote of the Day